She scoffs. “I’ve been dwelling for a year.”
“Well, that’s a year too long,” I say, pulling her head back so I can see her face. Her nose is red, as are her eyes. Another tear falls, and I wipe it away quickly. “What do you want?”
Her lips quiver as more tears roll down her face. “To be happy.”
“What makes you happy?”
She pauses, her eyes swimming with tears as she searches mine. I wish she’d say me, but let’s be honest, she isn’t where I am and that’s okay. “Gymnastics,” she whispers, but then she squeezes her eyes shut. “But what if they don’t want me and then I only feel more like a failure?”
I wipe away her tears with my thumbs. “What if they want you right then and there?” She opens her eyes and gazes up at me. “Only way to find out is to go in there.”
She looks over at the building that could hold her happiness. A place that could get her back to where she was before that fuckface she married ruined everything for her. I almost think she’s gonna do it, but then she shakes her head.
“I’m not ready.”
“Okay, that’s fine,” I say, kissing her nose. “We can try again another day.”
“We?”
“Oh yeah, I want to be there. Even if I sit in the car or in the corner like I said, I want to be there with you.” A grin pulls at my lips. “When you get it, I want to see your face light up.”
She blinks away her tears as she shakes her head. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“I know you probably think I’m pathetic—”
“I don’t. I understand, Amelia, and I got you.”
She looks down at my chest and lets out a long sigh. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.”
My eyes soften as I run my hands down her face, cupping the back of her neck. My thumbs glide along her jaw as her eyes meet mine. “You’re obviously upset, and I did spring this on you.”
“But I shouldn’t have yelled. I get so angry or upset, and then it just happens. I’m really sorry—”
I bend my head down, pressing my lips to hers and stopping her words. It’s a quick kiss, one to shut her up before I pull away, looking deep into her eyes. “I can handle yelling, Amelia. It’s no big deal.”
Her eyes are watery, and she looks terrified. I don’t get it. She didn’t even really yell at me; she was just upset. Man, she’s killing me. “You sure you still want to date me?”
“Yeah, baby,” I confirm. “Your yelling won’t scare me away.”
I don’t think anything will.
Chapter Fourteen
Amelia
Somehow, Chandler still wants to see me. I don’t know how or why, but he does. I really thought when I lost my shit on him outside GymMasters, he would have run the other way. He didn’t. He comforted me, and he talked me through it. I almost didn’t want him to leave when we got to my house because I thought he wouldn’t come back.
But he did.
For the last week, when we’re not talking on the phone, we’re hanging out. He has come to have coffee with me during my breaks almost every day. He’s taken Shelli and me to dinner almost every night. We went to a movie yesterday, and we had breakfast on the beach with Shelli and Nico this morning.
When he kisses me, I feel it in my soul. What really gets me is he doesn’t care where we are or who we’re with. If he can kiss me, he will. Every single time, my heart races and my stomach goes nuts. I haven’t felt like this in years, and it’s amazing. I’ve been out more with him in the last few weeks than I was with Drew the last year of our marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I’m having an absolute blast, but I’m also completely terrified.
Every day, he learns more about me. I know that’s the point, and when I told this to Shelli, she rolled her eyes at me. But what happens when I do something to piss him off? What happens if he doesn’t like my yelling or my quick wit? It could all go wrong in seconds. It did with Drew. While I know some of it wasn’t my fault, surely there had to be parts that were. I had to do something to make Drew so mad that he’d lay a hand on me. I don’t know, because in my heart, I know it wasn’t my fault. But the irrational fear inside of me says it may have been.
I swallow hard past the lump of emotion stuck in my throat as I apply my makeup. I French-braided my hair so it wouldn’t get all crazy in the absurd llama head I’m supposed to wear. My jumpsuit is a bright yellow, while Shelli’s is a bright green. I have never seen a green or yellow llama, but Shelli insists they’re whimsical. I think it’s her spin on making us look like complete idiots, but it does make me smile. We’ve been dressing up for Halloween since we were itty-bitty.