He only smoked one.
Tears burn my eyes as I fall into the chair. I bring my knees up under my chin and open the book that is lying there. To my surprise, it’s the same journal Shelli brought to me when she came to convince me to leave Drew. A smile pulls at my lips as I go through each page, the evidence of my mom and dad’s love. I have the urge to take this and show it to Chandler, but I know I couldn’t do it without tears. He’d be wonderful—hold me and let me know everything is okay—but it isn’t okay. My dad should be here.
He would love Chandler.
I jump at the sound of the door opening, and when my gaze meets my mom’s, she smiles. “I thought I heard you up.”
I bite my lip. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“I wasn’t sleeping yet.”
I smile. “Chandler passed out about an hour ago.”
“Well, he and Ryan were throwing back some tequila shots.”
We share a grin as she comes toward me in her little housedress. Her long, luscious black hair is up in a high bun, and her blazing blue eyes make her look as young as ever. She’s beautiful, so damn beautiful, and I hate the pain in her eyes. She comes around the desk and inhales sharply when she sees the book I’m looking at.
“Oh wow, you took it way back.”
I shrug. “It was lying here.”
“I think Shelli put it there, and I won’t put it away. I like looking at it.”
I nod as I flip the pages over, revealing a photo of my mom and dad dancing. “I do too.”
She leans in, placing her hand on the desk as she looks closer. We smile and laugh at each page. When we reach the page with her and my dad sitting in the hospital bed the day Ryan was born, my throat goes tight. “I really didn’t think I’d marry him.”
I laugh as I glance up at her. The story of my mom and dad is one for the ages. She truly didn’t believe he was her soul mate. She fought it, and even when he knocked her up, she tried to get away. He wouldn’t let her, though. He wouldn’t give up on her because he loved her. She didn’t even tell him she loved him until after my brother was born. But once she told him, she never stopped. There wasn’t a day in my childhood when I don’t remember them telling each other they loved the other, usually more than once. It was constant.
Just how Chandler tells me.
“He was ruthless, though. He believed in us.”
Emotion is strangling me, and all I can do is nod.
“I remember your uncle Shea telling us how the girl he was with wasn’t his option two. She was his option one, a temporary fling. His option two would be the girl who stunned him in place. Who could bring him to his knees and cause him never to want another for the rest of his life. Daddy always knew I was his, but it took forever for me to feel the same. Or maybe I did, but I just fought it.”
I smile. “I want what you guys had.”
“You have it.”
“You think so?”
“Amelia, he looks at you the way Daddy looked at me.” I glance back to her as she smiles down at me. “I love Chandler. I loved him before you two got together. But now that you two are together, Amelia, I totally adore him.”
“He’s wonderful. I just wish Drew hadn’t happened and tainted the way I look at things. Chandler is brilliant, funny, and oh so gorgeous, yet I worry that I’m not good enough for him because I wasn’t for Drew.”
“Drew is a scumbag,” Mom says quickly. “Chandler sees in you what you don’t, and then he tells you. I can’t even count how many times I heard him tell you how pretty or beautiful you were. He watches you, he makes sure you are happy, and he loves you. I can’t even be mad that you went to his house for Thanksgiving because it’s apparent how hard it is for you to leave him.”
So hard.
“It’s all so overwhelming. I love him, but I don’t want to make the same mistakes again. How can he want me when I failed so badly at my first marriage?”
She gives me a soft smile. “Who said you failed?”
I bite my lip. “Drew didn’t want me, but he stayed with me because he could control me.”
“Darling, what does that mean?”
I close my eyes, my tears leaking out. “I lost a baby,” I whisper. I didn’t mean to.
I hear her gasp as she clutches my shoulder, “A baby?”
“I got pregnant right before we got married, and then things went really bad. He started hitting me and hurting me, not only physically but emotionally too.”