I’m sitting here, across from my casual fuck, and I don’t want him. I’m not even in the least bit attracted to him. I don’t know if it’s because he doesn’t want me as more than a fuck, or if it’s because I know he is off fucking anything with tits when we’re not together. I want him to want only me.
Or wait, that’s not even true. I don’t want him. I don’t want this. What am I even doing? My mom always says, “If you want something, don’t stay where you are to get it. Change something. Do something, or you’ll stay stuck.”
I don’t want to be stuck.
Unless it’s with Kirby.
I’d be stuck with him.
When I look away from where Kirby and his crew are sitting, Allen is looking at me with a raised brow. “So, where do you know him from?”
I pop a fry into my mouth. “Huh?”
“Kirby. You know, the dude you’ve been staring at since we sat down?”
“And I thought I was being discreet,” I say offhandedly as a joke, but he doesn’t laugh. Doesn’t even crack a smile. Though, if the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t be laughing either. I’d be highly offended. “I’m sorry.”
“So, you two an item?”
“Not at all,” I say simply. “We almost dated a while back, but his ex popped up pregnant.”
He whistles quietly. “Well, that’s unfortunate.”
“It was. He’s a good guy.”
“I can tell, considering you’ve never looked at me like that.” I meet his green gaze, and I wait for the guilt. I wait to feel like shit for staring at one man when I’m at dinner with another, but I can’t muster it. “I thought maybe one day we’d stop the games and settle down.”
“Games?” I ask. “We hook up. These aren’t games.”
“Jaylin, your life is a game, and you always have to win. You can’t let anyone get close because then they’d know you,” he says, and I cock my head. “I have honestly been trying to get with you for three years now. And nope, we’ll kick it, and you only want to talk when I’m coming back to town.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is,” he throws back at me, and I can tell he’s getting upset. His face is turning a shade of red I’ve never seen. Allen is usually a level-headed dude, but not right now. “It’s bullshit.”
I’m taken aback. “Allen, we’ve never been more, and I’ve never given you the idea we were.”
“Exactly,” he says, holding his hand toward me. “You’ve never given me the option to be more. You just want me for sex, just like you want everyone.”
I press my hand to my chest, gawking at him. “Well, shit. Please don’t hold back.”
“I have restraint,” he insists, casting his eyes down. “I think I already know the answer, but I have to ask because I’ve fallen in love with you, Jaylin.”
My stomach drops as I gawk at him. What in the world is happening here? “I’m pretty damn certain you just called me a slut in a roundabout way, and now you’re proclaiming your love?”
He shrugs. “I didn’t mean to imply that at all. I am only saying, you don’t know how to settle down. You don’t know how to be with one person because that’s not what you want, or so I thought. I see the way you look at him, some guy who doesn’t even pay you any mind. He isn’t even looking over here, yet you can’t keep your eyes off him. You can’t stop giving him all the attention, and he doesn’t even care.”
Talk about taking a jab, left and right. Shit. I throw down my napkin and stand. “I don’t need this.”
I go to grab my purse, and he takes my wrist. “Jay, I love you, and I want a chance with you—”
“You ruined that, buddy. Maybe, truly, it could have been, but not anymore,” I sneer, and I try to rip my wrist from his hand, but he has a good hold on it. “Let me go.”
“I can make you happy.”
“No, you cannot. I don’t want a man who thinks I don’t know how to be with one person, because I do. Me, I’m one person, and I like me. You, not so much.” I try to pull away once more, but he still won’t release me. “Allen, let me go.”
I look around and notice that people are watching as his voice rises. “That’s ridiculous. You’re saying that to hurt—”
“Hey!”
I swear on everything holy, the very busy pub goes quiet as I whip my head to where Kirby is standing, while the twins and my main man, D’Artagnan, slowly mirror their mentor. Even from four tables away, they’re massive, huge, and I wouldn’t want to be in a dark alley with them.
Kirby… Well, I’ll be anywhere dark with him. Shit, maybe I am a slut?