Hard Hit (IceCats 3)

She doesn’t hesitate this time. “Basically the same thing. That if I’m not in this, I need to walk away. That your intentions are blatantly clear and mine aren’t.”

“They’re not?” Am I missing something?

“Apparently not since I keep getting accused of just wanting to fuck you. I mean, this is like day four of this relationship, and I feel as if everyone has already counted me out. I don’t think it’s fair.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I say, pulling the phone from my ear and holding it out. I push the FaceTime button and wait for her to answer. She doesn’t do it right away, and I almost think she won’t, but then she does. When she comes on the screen, she isn’t crying, but I can see the tears in her eyes.

“Don’t make fun of my bonnet.”

I’m confused. “Your what?”

She points to the shower-cap-looking thing on her head. “My bonnet. Figured one day you’ll see it anyway. It’s to keep my hair good while I sleep.”

“Oh, I didn’t even notice. I was mainly looking into those stunning eyes.” Her lips tip up, and I smile back at her. “I don’t doubt you, Jaylin. Not at all. I know I may have come across like I do, but you caught me off guard with your comment about not wanting to label this. I apologize.”

“Don’t apologize. I don’t want you to pretend my comment is okay. It’s not, but I don’t know what to do here. I don’t want to go into this saying I’m your girlfriend and you’re my boyfriend, when I don’t even know how to be a girlfriend.”

“So, you’ve never been a girlfriend? I find that hard to believe.”

Her eyes hold mine as she blows out a breath. “Okay, fine. I was for over two years, but that was so long ago, and I don’t like who I was when I was with him.”

I watch her struggle with her words as she bites her lip, not looking at me. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No. Not at all.”

“Okay—”

“But I want you to believe that I want this, that I want to try. I just need to remember how to be someone you’d want to call your girlfriend.”

“You don’t have to remember, Jay. You are,” I insist. Finally, she meets my gaze, and I smile. “The woman you are right now, this second, is the woman I want.”

She wants to smile, I can see it in her eyes, but she doesn’t. Instead, she looks away, glancing down at her hand.

“I wouldn’t have asked for us to be official if I didn’t want it, Jay. Listen, I know it’s fast. I get it. But it isn’t like we don’t know each other or that we aren’t attracted to each other or, hell, that we don’t know if we like each other. I know I like you, and I can see this turning into something beautiful and important, and God, please stop me. I’m just running my mouth.”

She looks up, a smile covering her lips. “Maybe I like what you’re saying, and I don’t want you to stop.”

Relief floods my features as I smile back at her. “I don’t want to rush you into anything. I think I’m eager because I want this so badly. I wanted you a year ago, and that need for you has not dulled even a bit. I would sit up at night, thinking of you with Lilly lying beside me, and I didn’t want her at all. I wanted you.”

“That’s kind of messed up,” she says with a grin. “For her, not me.”

I chuckle. “She may have cheated and that’s why we ended things. But if I’m honest, I was so caught up on you that I almost don’t blame her for cheating on me. I wasn’t a good boyfriend, and really, I was only in it for Celeste at that point.”

“I know,” she says softly. “And I respect that, but you can’t force something that shouldn’t be.”

“Exactly. Which is why I’m taking the making this official off the table—”

“No. Don’t,” she demands, her eyes burning into mine. Even through FaceTime, I can feel her eyes all over me, caressing me from top to bottom. “I don’t want it off the table. I just need you to know. I’m not sure I’ll be a good girlfriend.”

“What’s the difference between Girlfriend Jay and the Jay looking at me right now?”

Her demeanor changes, almost as if she’s shy, but surely that can’t be. There is nothing shy about Jaylin. I’m unsure what she is about to say, but that excites me. I love finding things out about her. I know this is crazy, but I’m falling hard for the girl. I am. And at this moment, when it’s raw and new, I am okay with it because I feel in my soul she was made for me.