Then I realize something. “Shit, Jay, I forgot a condom.”
She kisses the side of my mouth, not even the least bit concerned. “I have an IUD.”
“Oh,” I say, unexpectedly disappointed by that. What did I think? I was going to knock her up? Does she even want kids of her own?
“Why do you sound upset by that? Were you trying to knock me up, Mr. Litman?”
I brace myself up, grinning down at her. “I seriously was thinking the same thing. I don’t know why I sounded so disappointed.”
She eyes me. “Are you?”
I shrug. “I don’t know if I am or why. But I wasn’t trying to trap you—swear.”
She grins, her eyes bright with playfulness. “You do already have enough baby mama drama, Kirby.”
I scoff, kissing her nose. “You’d never be just a baby mama, Jaylin. I knock you up, it’s because we want it.” I move my lips along the side of her nose, along her cheek, before kissing the side of her mouth. “Do you want kids?”
She kisses me softly, threading her fingers through my hair. “I do. Do you want more?”
I nod. “I do. I want a big family.”
She smiles. “Really?”
“Yeah, I was an only child, and it was lonely.”
“Right? So lonely. And the pressure is insane! Like, why couldn’t my parents have had more so they could be the fuckups and I could live my life?”
I laugh. “At least you have parents who wanted something for you.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t want you to think I’m gloating about having really overprotective and extremely intrusive parents.”
“I bet they’re amazing,” I say, and she scoffs.
“Oh, you just wait. My mom is insane.”
“To have raised a daughter like you, she has to be astonishing.”
She gives me a look. “You’ll see tonight.”
“I will,” I say, kissing her lips. “How many kids do you want?”
“As many as the good Lord will give me.”
I smile. “Same. And an IUD is removable, right?”
“Are you saying you want to have kids with me, Mr. Litman?”
I cup her face. “That’s the plan.”
“Is it now?”
“Absolutely.” She beams, but I’m not sure she believes me. “You know it’s true, right?”
“I mean, I hear your words, but I can’t fathom it. I planned that I’d get the IUD out before my wedding, assuming I ever decided to start a relationship with someone. But it’s always just been a dream. I never thought anyone would want me.”
“It’s not a dream anymore, Jaylin. It’s real. This is real.”
Her eyes are dark as she kisses me once more. I can see the wheels in her brain turning. I don’t know what she is thinking, but before I can ask, she says confidently, “It is. It really is, Kirby.”
Relief floods me as I gather her in my arms, holding her close before I roll us onto our sides. She throws her leg over my hip so she’s closer, and our lips meet once more in a heated embrace. I have never felt like this in my life, and I’d really thought Lilly was my forever. Shit, she is nothing compared to Jaylin. No one is.
I stroke my fingers along her jaw, her chin, and then I press my nose into hers. “Isn’t this awesome? Waking up like this?”
Something flashes in her eyes as she swallows hard. Gone is her confidence as she whispers, “It is.”
“What’s wrong?”
She leans into me, running her nose along mine. “I’m okay with staying in a hotel, but I know you think that since this was a success, I’ll stay with you. It’s not that, Kirby. It’s very different, and I’m worried I’m about to disappoint you. But the truth is, I don’t know how to let go and stay.”
“Just like we did here,” I say slowly, searching her eyes. “I mean, shit, Jay. This went so well, I am ten seconds from asking you to live with me and Celeste.”
Her eyes widen as she moves back, sitting up. “Whoa, that’s out of left field, don’t you think?”
“Not at all.” I sit up. “Did you not like sleeping with me?”
She holds up her palms to me. “It’s not that, Kirby—”
“Did I snore?”
“No—”
“Did I touch you inappropriately?”
“Yes, but I wanted it.”
I know she’s trying to lighten the mood, but I don’t think we can move forward if we don’t fix this. “You can do this.”
“I promise. I loved sleeping with you, mostly because I love being with you. But I’ve never stayed with a man in his house, nor have I lived with one. That’s way more than I’m capable of.”
I sit up straighter, flabbergasted. “That’s bullshit. You are capable of anything you want. Do you not want to stay with me?”
Her eyes narrow. “Kirby, baby, it’s not that at all. You have to believe and trust me on this. I’m trying to work—”
“I don’t think you’re trying. If this was easy, then staying with me should be the same. I’m not going to hurt you, nor allow anyone to hurt you when I am with you.”