Ick.
I self-talk, something I’ve been working really hard on. My therapist urges me to do this more often than I should, but it’s hard. Especially when my come is all over her. It makes my skin crawl.
When I’m done, she grins up at me. “Man, you know how to come.”
“Well, I’m a man,” I say offhandedly, and then I hold my breath because I think I know what she is about to do. I watch with laser focus as she grabs the side of her comforter and wipes her chest. I almost come out of my skin. She must have noticed, because she raises a brow at me in question.
“I’ll wash it later.”
My throat starts to close. “Are you going to use a wet rag for your chest?”
“Why?”
“Because you’re covered in come.”
“So? Sex can be messy.”
I hold up a finger as she crawls up into my lap, stopping her. “Key word, can. I’m not a fan.”
“Are you a germ freak?”
“Eh, not really. It’s more the texture and the thought of it just sitting there. Getting drier and—”
“It came from you. What if I swallowed it?”
I shrug. “As long as you brush your teeth, I’m good.”
“Seriously?”
I nod. “Seriously.” Don’t be weird. Ignore it. It’s fine. “Also, can we throw this comforter in the wash now?”
* * *
“She kicked me out.”
My best friend, Chandler Moon, bounces his newborn son in his arms as he waits for the bottle to warm in the bottle warmer. He kisses Carter’s head before he curves his lips. I’m sure my latest sex debacle is amusing. Chandler doesn’t know that life anymore; he’s all about his domesticated one. He’s happily in love. A family man. Something he’s always wanted and something I can’t seem to fathom right now. One woman? For life? I tried that, and she figuratively kicked me in the balls because she was in love with another man.
I move through their place, picking up diapers and mess. Chandler and his girlfriend, Amelia, are not dirty people. The clutter of baby shit isn’t normal. I’ve known Chandler for years and he always picks up after himself, and Amelia is OCD about cleanliness. Now that they’ve multiplied by two, it’s a little more challenging. I understand that. They’re really overwhelmed with the demands of twins. I am too, and they’re not even mine.
“You really don’t have to clean,” Chandler says as he picks up the bottle, but I wave him off. “And why do you get so grossed out by body fluids? It doesn’t bother me.”
I look to Amelia, who is sitting on the couch with their daughter, Hannah. She grins. “I mean, I like when he comes on my chest.”
I hold out my palm to her. “Do you wipe it on the bed?”
She makes a face. “No, but I also have a towel handy when I know things are about to get nasty.”
“See?”
Chandler laughs. “So, have a towel handy.”
“I didn’t know she was going to do that. I thought she was gonna swallow!”
He shakes his head as he directs the bottle into his son’s mouth. “I know you thrive on formulas and routine, but you know sex isn’t like that when you’re sleeping with different women every night.”
I roll my eyes. “Keep your judgy, ‘I love one woman’ shit to yourself.”
He snorts. “Just saying. Did you have this problem with Shelli?”
I give him a dry look. “She always swallowed.”
Amelia gags. “Wonderful to know about my cousin.”
“She always brushed her teeth afterward too.”
Amelia throws a hand up. “Well, thank God. I taught her well,” she jokes, and Chandler laughs.
“You never brush your teeth.”
She cries out in embarrassment before throwing a rubber duck at him. “Chandler!”
He dodges the duck with ease. “Hey, I’m holding our son! And Nico knows we have sex and that you swallow. Hello, we had twins.”
She raises one eyebrow. “You know that’s not how twins are made, right?”
“I’m not an idiot,” he calls to her, and then his eyes meet mine. With a playful grin, he adds, “I’m an idiot.”
I laugh loudly, which unfortunately startles little Carter. He lets out a wail that sends a chill down my spine. I back up slightly, hoping the noise will die down. Babies freak me out a bit. I’m getting better being around the twins, but still, they’re so unpredictable in my opinion. “Shit, I’m sorry.”
Chandler waves me off. “No big,” he says quickly as he shushes the baby to calm him down.
“If you’re particular about sex, Nico, you should really let them know before you go at it,” Amelia says to me, and I look over at her. She’s still as beautiful as the day I met her. I wanted to holler at her, but then I saw the look on Chandler’s face and knew I had no chance. He was completely and utterly in love with her. It’s been a pleasure to watch their story unfold. Or just begin. The twins really add to their fairy tale. “Or even put it on your Tinder.”