Wild Tendy (IceCats 2)

He swallows hard.

“What else are you hiding?”

His eyes meet mine. “Nothing, and it’s not that I didn’t want to tell you. I couldn’t.”

I start to make him the sub. I decide if I gawk at him, he won’t feel comfortable and will not be open with me. “Why couldn’t you?”

“I was terrified that you wouldn’t want to be with me.”

I want to pause; I want to run to him and wrap my arms around him so tightly. “That’s not true. At all,” I say, looking up as I set down the cheese. “If I had known, I could have helped the night of the gala.”

He nods slowly, tucking his hands into the pockets of his slacks. His light-blue shirt has come untucked, and he looks a mess. A beautiful, stunning mess. “There is no helping me when I get like that. I just gotta ride it out.”

I add some roast beef. “Okay, well, I would have liked to have known that. I was worried.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

I add another layer of cheese. “When did you tell Callie? I assume she’s known?”

“Yeah, since before we started dating.”

Why am I jealous of my sister? “Why did you tell her and not me?”

“I don’t know,” he answers, and I know he means it. “I’d never told anyone before her.”

I look up then. “Not even Chandler?”

He shakes his head. “No, I just told him a couple weeks ago. I was working up to you, but I’m scared.”

“Nico, you have nothing to be scared of, and I’m sorry if I—”

“No, no,” he says quickly, coming to the counter. “It wasn’t you, our relationship, or anything—it is all me. It’s my insecurities from living a life where I was the weird kid who got made fun of. Kids weren’t nice to me because I couldn’t control what I was feeling. For the longest time, I just couldn’t. Now, as an adult, I’ve learned a lot, and I go to a lot of therapy. But sometimes, I can’t get a grasp on all this emotion inside me. I felt awful for snapping at you before the gala. To the point that I had a panic attack when I got home, and all I could think was, She’s gonna leave me. Why would she want me? I knew I had to tell you, I had to explain myself, but then you called that morning to check on me and invited me over for lunch, and I got scared again.”

I gaze into his eyes, my whole body shaking, and I want to cry for him. But Nico isn’t one to feel pity for.

“I mean, I have an out-of-this-world gorgeous woman who wants to be with me. Who enjoys me, and I don’t want to lose that. I didn’t want you to think you had no future with me because of my diagnosis. That I probably never will be able to handle big situations like that—”

“But if I knew, it would be easier for me to understand, and I can find tools to help.”

He shakes his head, and when a tear rolls down that gorgeous face of his, it breaks me. I cover my mouth as he says, “I know, Aviva. You would be on the damn WebMD or whatever site you can find to be supportive. But then what happens when you realize our kids could come out like me?”

My heart stops, and I hop onto the counter, surprising him. I cup his face, looking deep into his eyes. I feel him swallow as tears start to gather in my eyes. “If our kids came out half as loving, kind, and funny as you, then I don’t know how I would be able to stand it. I would be so overfilled with love. So complete that nothing could touch us. Do not, Nico—for real, listen to me—do not feel like your autism holds you back. If anything, it makes you who you are, and that’s a damn great man.” I lean my head into his, my body vibrating for him. “And if we, by chance, have these kids we’re apparently thinking of…”

He wraps his arms around me, pulling me off the counter and close to him. I touch my face to his, our noses side by side as we stare into each other’s eyes.

“You will be the example for them. So, you gotta be proud, and you gotta be the cocky, amazing man I am falling head over heels in love with, because our kids will be nothing less than a pain in the ass. I mean, look at me. Look at Callie. Are you sure?”

He laughs as he gathers me in closer, pressing his lips to mine. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.”

I close my eyes as the tears roll down my face. Our hearts pound together while we cling to each other. “What did you tell me that one time? I can’t always think of the bad side of everything? That could apply here.”