She giggles at that, but then a feeling of panic starts a ringing in my ears and I can no longer hear her laughter. I swallow thickly, immediately looking down at the naked place at the apex of my thighs.
“Oh, God,” I whisper, looking over to the toilet and remembering it had taken a lot of toilet paper to clean myself up with. And it wasn’t because of my own natural lubrication.
“What? What’s wrong?” Her tone grows serious again.
“Em. I just remembered… he… he didn’t use a condom.” My heart pounds wildly in my chest.
“What?” she yelps.
“Oh fuck. Oh fuck! Oh my God, what if I now have some horrible disease to go along with all my other shitty health issues? Oh fuck!” As if I wasn’t freaking out enough about the state of my heart, being all out in the open and vulnerable for the first time in five years.
“Okay, take a breath. Are you sure he didn’t use one and you just didn’t notice? He could’ve been discreet about it. They aren’t the most romantic things to deal with when you’re about to make love,” she suggests.
But I’m already shaking my head. “No. Oh, God. That’s what he was asking me there at the end. He said he’d fill me up and give me everything he’s got if I wanted him to. And at the time, it was so fucking hot. I thought he was talking about his cock, not his jizz! Oh, God!” I run over to the sink, turning the hot tap on high, waiting for the water to heat up as I grab a washcloth and fill it full of antibacterial hand soap.
“Well don’t panic yet, Rin. It’s going to be okay. Curtis is a really good guy. I’m sure he wouldn’t have even suggested that if he didn’t know for a fact that he was clean. He’s not that kind of man,” she assures, and I close my eyes, nodding slightly. I know that in my heart.
This is Curtis we’re talking about. Not just some random guy I met at a bar. No, this is the man who pulls me to the other side of him, so I don’t walk next to the road. This is the man who holds me on his lap and rocks me soothingly while I spill my deepest, darkest, most heartbreaking secrets. This is the man who is determined to teach me to meal prep, so I get enough to eat every day, and gets mad at the thought of me not taking good enough care of myself. He wouldn’t then turn around and do something that would hurt me.
But still, I stick the washcloth in the scalding water, lather it up, and scrub myself, knowing full well that antibacterial soap is hella bad for a va-jay-jay. But I’ll suffer through a yeast infection if it means I won’t catch something way worse.
When I’m all cleaned up, it’s like all the adrenaline from moments before leaves my body all at once, and I slide down onto the bathroom floor, the coldness of the antique tiles feeling good against my overheated skin. I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
“You all right, bestie?” Emmy asks quietly from my cell.
I nod, even though she can’t see me. “I think so. I just don’t know what to do now,” I murmur, pulling my knees up to my chest and resting my cheek on the tops.
“What do you mean? It sounds like you really like him and want to give this a shot.”
“But in the grand scheme of things, I literally just met him. I haven’t even known him for a full twenty-four hours,” I reply, hearing her snort.
“Um… do you remember who you’re talking to? A lot can happen in one night, Erin.” And I lift my brows, remembering how she met Dean, getting trapped in the catacombs beneath our city overnight with the hottie adventure documentary host. “Fate doesn’t play around. I think when two people are meant to be together, it’s not like some slow buildup of pressure like a front coming in. It’s like a freaking lightning bolt that strikes… like that ‘zing’ you felt. I felt the same thing with Dean, but it was just masked a little behind my misguided hatred for him.”
I can’t help but chuckle at that. She really had hated his guts for years before she ever actually met the poor guy in person. “Yeah…” A beat, and then, “I don’t know how to do this, Em.” I bite my lip, my throat suddenly tight. “I’ve been stuck in my mindset of living the rest of my life without being in another serious relationship ever again for so long that I don’t even know where to begin.” I blow out a breath. “Plus, how could this ever work? I have my practice here in New Orleans, and he travels the world doing his chef thing.”