The Host (The Host 1)

Chapter 19: Abandoned

Who is the Seeker in black? Why is it still searching?" Jared's shout was deafening, echoing at me from all sides.

I hid behind my hands, waiting for the first blow.

"Ah-Jared?" Ian murmured. "Maybe you should let me. . . "

"Stay out of it!"

Ian's voice got closer, and the rocks grated as he tried to follow Jared into the small space that was already too full. "Can't you see it's too scared to talk? Leave it alone for a sec -"

I heard something scrape the floor as Jared moved, and then a thud. Ian cursed. I peered through my fingers to see that Ian was no longer visible and Jared had his back to me.

Ian spit and groaned. "That's twice," he growled, and I understood that the punch meant for me had been diverted by Ian's interference.

"I'm ready to go for three," Jared muttered, but he turned back around to face me, bringing light with him; he'd grabbed the lamp with the hand that had struck Ian. The cave seemed almost brilliant after so much darkness.

Jared spoke to me again, scrutinizing my face in the new illuminations, making each word a sentence. "Who. Is. The. Seeker. "

I dropped my hands and stared into his pitiless eyes. It bothered me that someone else had suffered for my silence-even someone who had once tried to kill me. This was not how torture was supposed to work.

Jared's expression wavered as he read the change in mine. "I don't have to hurt you," he said quietly, not as sure of himself. "But I do have to know the answer to my question. "

This wasn't even the right question-not a secret I was in any way bound to protect.

"Tell me," he insisted, his eyes tight with frustration and deep unhappiness.

Was I truly a coward? I would rather have believed that I was-that my fear of pain was stronger than anything else. The real reason I opened my mouth and spoke was so much more pathetic.

I wanted to please him, this human who hated me so fiercely.

"The Seeker," I began, my voice rough and hoarse; I hadn't spoken in a long time.

He interrupted, impatient. "We already know it's a Seeker. "

"No, not just any Seeker," I whispered. "My Seeker. "

"What do you mean, your Seeker?"

"Assigned to me, following me. She's the reason -" I caught myself just before I spoke the word that would have meant our death. Just before I could say we. The ultimate truth that he would see as the ultimate lie-playing on his deepest wishes, his deepest pain. He would never see that it was possible for his wish to be true. He would only see a dangerous liar looking out through the eyes he'd loved.

"The reason?" he prompted.

"The reason I ran away," I breathed. "The reason I came here. "

Not entirely true, but not entirely a lie, either.

Jared stared at me, his mouth half-open, as he tried to process this. From the corner of my eye, I could see that Ian was peering through the hole again, his vivid blue eyes wide with surprise. There was blood, dark on his pale lips.

"You ran away from a Seeker? But you're one of them!" Jared struggled to compose himself, to get back to his interrogation. "Why would it follow you? What did it want?"

I swallowed; the sound seemed unnaturally loud. "She wanted you. You and Jamie. "

His expression hardened. "And you were trying to lead it here?"

I shook my head. "I didn't. . . I. . . " How could I explain it? He'd never accept the truth.

"What?"

"I. . . didn't want to tell her. I don't like her. "

He blinked, confused again. "Don't you all have to like everyone?"

"We're supposed to," I admitted, coloring with shame.

"Who did you tell about this place?" Ian asked over Jared's shoulder. Jared scowled but kept his eyes on my face.

"I couldn't tell-I didn't know. . . I just saw the lines. The lines on the album. I drew them for the Seeker. . . but we didn't know what they were. She still thinks they're a road map. " I couldn't seem to stop talking. I tried to make the words come slower, to protect myself from a slip.

"What do you mean you didn't know what they were? You're here. " Jared's hand flexed toward me but dropped before it closed the small distance.

"I. . . I was having trouble with my. . . with the. . . with her memory. I didn't understand. . . I couldn't access everything. There were walls. That's why the Seeker was assigned to me, waiting for me to unlock the rest. " Too much, too much. I bit my tongue.

Ian and Jared exchanged a look. They'd never heard anything like this before. They didn't trust me, but they wanted so desperately to believe it was possible. They wanted it too much. That made them fear.

Jared's voice whipped out with a sudden harshness. "Were you able to access my cabin?"

"Not for a long time. "

"And then you told the Seeker. "

"No. "

"No? Why not?"

"Because. . . by the time I could remember it. . . I didn't want to tell her. "

Ian's eyes were frozen wide.

Jared's voice changed, became low, almost tender. So much more dangerous than the shouting. "Why didn't you want to tell her?"

My jaw locked hard. It was not the secret, but still, it was a secret he would have to beat out of me. In this moment, my determination to hold my tongue had less to do with self-preservation than it did with a stupid, grudging kind of pride. I would not tell this man who despised me that I loved him.

He watched the defiance flash in my eyes, and he seemed to understand what it would take to get this answer. He decided to skip it-or maybe to come back to it later, save it for last, in case I wouldn't be able to answer any more questions when he was done with me.

"Why weren't you able to access everything? Is that. . . normal?"

This question was very dangerous, too. For the first time so far, I told an outright lie.

"She fell a long way. The body was damaged. "

Lying did not come easily to me; this lie fell flat. Jared and Ian both reacted to the false note. Jared's head cocked to the side; one of Ian's ink black eyebrows rose.

"Why isn't this Seeker giving up like the rest?" Ian asked.

I was abruptly exhausted. I knew they could keep this up all night, would keep this up all night if I continued to answer, and eventually I would make a mistake. I slumped against the wall and closed my eyes.

"I don't know," I whispered. "She's not like other souls. She's. . . annoying. "

Ian laughed once-a startled sound.

"And you-are you like other. . . souls?" Jared asked.

I opened my eyes and stared at him wearily for a long moment. What a stupid question, I thought. Then I shut my eyes tight, buried my face against my knees, and wrapped my arms around my head.

Either Jared understood that I was done speaking or his body was complaining too loudly to be ignored. He grunted a few times as he squeezed himself out of the opening of my cave, taking the lamp with him, and then groaned quietly as he stretched.

"That was unexpected," Ian whispered.

"Lies, of course," Jared whispered back. I could just barely make out their words. They probably didn't realize how the sound echoed back to me in here. "Only. . . I can't quite figure out what it wants us to believe-where it's trying to lead us. "

"I don't think it's lying. Well, except the one time. Did you notice?"

"Part of the act. "

"Jared, when have you ever met a parasite who could lie about anything? Except a Seeker, of course. "

"Which it must be. "

"Are you serious?"

"It's the best explanation. "

"She-it is the furthest thing from a Seeker I've ever seen. If a Seeker had any idea how to find us, it would have brought an army. "

"And they wouldn't have found anything. But she-it got in, didn't it?"

"It's almost been killed half a dozen -"