There was no sudden silence. No one paused to stare daggers at me. No one seemed to notice us at all.
Jeb steered me to an empty counter and then went to get enough bread for three. Ian lounged next to me, casually turning to the girl on his other side. It was the young blonde-he called her Paige.
"How are things going? How are you holding up with Andy gone?" he asked her.
"I'd be fine if I weren't so worried," she told him, biting her lip.
"He'll be home soon," Ian assured her. "Jared always brings everyone home. He's got a real talent. We've had no accidents, no problems since he showed up. Andy will be fine. "
My interest sparked when he mentioned Jared-and Melanie, so somnolent these days, stirred-but Ian didn't say anything else. He just patted Paige's shoulder and turned to take his food from Jeb.
Jeb sat next to me and surveyed the room with a deep sense of satisfaction plain on his face. I looked around the room, too, trying to see what he saw. This must have been what it was usually like here, when I wasn't around. Only today I didn't seem to bother them. They must have been tired of letting me interrupt their lives.
"Things are settling down," Ian commented to Jeb.
"Knew they would. We're all reasonable folks here. "
I frowned to myself.
"That's true, at the moment," Ian said, laughing. "My brother's not around. "
"Exactly," Jeb agreed.
It was interesting to me that Ian counted himself among the reasonable folks. Had he noticed that Jeb was unarmed? I was burning with curiosity, but I couldn't risk pointing it out in case he hadn't.
The meal continued as it had begun. My novelty had apparently worn off.
When the meal was over, Jeb said I deserved a rest. He walked me all the way to my door, playing the gentleman again.
"Afternoon, Wanda," he said, tipping his imaginary hat.
I took a deep breath for bravery. "Jeb, wait. "
"Yes?"
"Jeb. . . " I hesitated, trying to find a polite way to put it. "I. . . well, maybe it's stupid of me, but I sort of thought we were friends. "
I scrutinized his face, looking for any change that might indicate that he was about to lie to me. He only looked kind, but what did I know of a liar's tells?
"Of course we are, Wanda. "
"Then why are you trying to get me killed?"
His furry brows pulled together in surprise. "Now, why would you think that, honey?"
I listed my evidence. "You didn't take the gun today. And yesterday you left me alone. "
Jeb grinned. "I thought you hated that gun. "
I waited for an answer.
"Wanda, if I wanted you dead, you wouldn't have lasted that first day. "
"I know," I muttered, starting to feel embarrassed without understanding why. "That's why it's all so confusing. "
Jeb laughed cheerfully. "No, I don't want you dead! That's the whole point, kid. I've been getting them all used to seeing you around, getting them to accept the situation without realizing it. It's like boiling a frog. "
My forehead creased at the eccentric comparison.
Jeb explained. "If you throw a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will hop right out. But if you put that frog in a pot of tepid water and slowly warm it, the frog doesn't figure out what's going on until it's too late. Boiled frog. It's just a matter of working by slow degrees. "
I thought about that for a second-remembered how the humans had ignored me at lunch today. Jeb had g
otten them used to me. The realization made me feel strangely hopeful. Hope was a silly thing in my situation, but it seeped into me anyway, coloring my perceptions more brightly than before.
"Jeb?"
"Yeah?"
"Am I the frog or the water?"
He laughed. "I'll leave that one for you to puzzle over. Self-examination is good for the soul. " He laughed again, louder this time, as he turned to leave. "No pun intended. "
"Wait-can I ask one more?"
"Sure. I'd say it's your turn anyway, after all I've asked you. "
"Why are you my friend, Jeb?"
He pursed his lips for a second, considering his answer.
"You know I'm a curious man," he began, and I nodded. "Well, I get to watch your souls a lot, but I never get to talk with 'em. I've had so many questions just piling up higher and higher. . . Plus, I've always thought that if a person wants to, he can get along with just about anybody. I like putting my theories to the test. And see, here you are, one of the nicest gals I ever met. It's real interesting to have a soul as a friend, and it makes me feel super special that I've managed it. "
He winked at me, bowed from the waist, and walked away.
Just because I now understood Jeb's plan, it didn't make things easier when he escalated it.
He never took the gun anywhere anymore. I didn't know where it was, but I was grateful that Jamie wasn't sleeping with it, at least. It made me a little nervous to have Jamie with me unprotected, but I decided he was actually in less danger without the gun. No one would feel the need to hurt him when he wasn't a threat. Besides, no one came looking for me anymore.
Jeb started sending me on little errands. Run back to the kitchen for another roll, he was still hungry. Go fetch a bucket of water, this corner of the field was dry. Pull Jamie out of his class, Jeb needed to speak with him. Were the spinach sprouts up yet? Go and check. Did I remember my way through the south caves? Jeb had a message for Doc.
Every time I had to carry out one of these simple directives, I was in a sweaty haze of fear. I concentrated on being invisible and walked as quickly as I could without running through the big rooms and the dark corridors. I tended to hug the walls and keep my eyes down. Occasionally, I would stop conversation the way I used to, but mostly I was ignored. The only time I felt in immediate danger of death was when I interrupted Sharon's class to get Jamie. The look Sharon gave me seemed designed to be followed by hostile action. But she let Jamie go with a nod after I choked out my whispered request, and when we were alone, he held my shaking hand and told me Sharon looked the same way at anyone who interrupted her class.
The very worst was the time I had to find Doc, because Ian insisted on showing me the way. I could have refused, I suppose, but Jeb didn't have a problem with the arrangement, and that meant Jeb trusted Ian not to kill me. I was far from comfortable with testing that theory, but it seemed the test was inevitable. If Jeb was wrong to trust Ian, then Ian would find his opportunity soon enough. So I went with Ian through the long black southern tunnel as if it were a trial by fire.
I lived through the first half. Doc got his message. He seemed unsurprised to see Ian tagging along beside me. Perhaps it was my imagination, but I thought they exchanged a significant glance. I half expected them to strap me to one of Doc's gurneys at that point. These rooms continued to make me feel nauseated.
But Doc just thanked me and sent me on my way as if he were busy. I couldn't really tell what he was doing-he had several books open and stacks and stacks of papers that seemed to contain nothing but sketches.
On the way back, curiosity overcame my fear.
"Ian?" I asked, having a bit of difficulty saying the name for the first time.
"Yes?" He sounded surprised that I'd addressed him.
"Why haven't you killed me yet?"
He snorted. "That's direct. "
"You could, you know. Jeb might be annoyed, but I don't think he'd shoot you. " What was I saying? It sounded like I was trying to convince him. I bit my tongue.
"I know," he said, his tone complacent.
It was quiet for a moment, just the sounds of our footsteps echoing, low and muffled, from the tunnel walls.
"It doesn't seem fair," Ian finally said. "I've been thinking about it a lot, and I can't see how killing you would make anything right. It would be like executing a private for a general's war crimes. Now, I don't buy all of Jeb's crazy theories-it would be nice to believe, sure, but just because you want something to be true doesn't make it that way. Whether he's right or wrong, though, you don't appear to mean us any harm. I have to admit, you seem honestly fond of that boy. It's very strange to watch. Anyway, as long as you don't put us in danger, it seems. . . cruel to kill you. What's one more misfit in this place?"
I thought about the word misfit for a moment. It might have been the truest description of me I'd ever heard. Where had I ever fit in?
How strange that Ian, of all the humans, should have such a surprisingly gentle interior. I didn't realize that cruelty would seem a negative to him.
He waited in silence while I considered all this.
"If you don't want to kill me, then why did you come with me today?" I asked.
He paused again before answering.
"I'm not sure that. . . " He hesitated. "Jeb thinks things have calmed down, but I'm not completely sure about that. There're still a few people. . . Anyway, Doc and I have been trying to keep an eye on you when we can. Just in case. Sending you down the south tunnel seemed like pushing your luck, to me. But that's what Jeb does best-he pushes luck as far as it will go. "
"You. . . you and Doc are trying to protect me?"
"Strange world, isn't it?"
It was a few seconds before I could answer.
"The strangest," I finally agreed.