I peeked through narrowed eyes as Jared whirled to assess the truth of Jeb's claim.
Jared's breath whistled angrily through his nostrils. "Fine," he muttered. He took another step toward me. "It will be slower this way, though. It would be more humane if you were to find that gun fast. "
"Please, Jared, let's talk," Ian said, planting his feet firmly as he spoke, already knowing the answer.
"I think there's been too much talk," Jared growled. "Jeb left this up to me, and I've made my decision. "
Jeb cleared his throat noisily. Jared spun halfway around to look at him again.
"What?" he demanded. "You made the rule, Jeb. "
"Well, now, that's true. "
Jared turned back toward me. "Ian, get out of my way. "
"Well, well, hold on a sec," Jeb went on. "If you recall, the rule was that whoever the body belonged to got to make the decision. "
A vein in Jared's forehead pulsed visibly. "And?"
"Seems to me like there's someone here with a claim just as strong as yours. Mebbe stronger. "
Jared stared straight ahead, processing this. After a slow moment, understanding furrowed his brow. He looked down at the boy still hanging on his arm.
All the joy had drained from Jamie's face, leaving it pale and horrorstruck.
"You can't, Jared," he choked. "You wouldn't. Wanda's good. She's my friend! And Mel! What about Mel? You can't kill Mel! Please! You have to -" He broke off, his expression agonized.
I closed my eyes again, trying to block the picture of the suffering boy from my mind. It was already almost impossible not to go to him. I locked my muscles in place, promising myself that it wouldn't help him if I moved now.
"So," Jeb said, his tone far too conversational for the moment, "you can see that Jamie's not in agreement. I figure he's got as much say as you do. "
There was no answer for so long that I had to open my eyes again.
Jared was staring at Jamie's anguished, fearful face with his own kind of horror.
"How could you let this happen, Jeb?" he whispered.
"There is a need for some talk," Jeb answered. "Why don't you take a breather first, though? Maybe you'll feel more up to conversation after a bath. "
Jared glared balefully at the old man, his eyes full of the shock and pain of the betrayed. I had only human comparisons for such a look. Caesar and Brutus, Jesus and Judas.
The unbearable tension lasted through another long minute, and then Jared shook Jamie's fingers off his arm.
"Kyle," Jared barked, turning and stalking out of the room.
Kyle gave his brother a parting grimace and followed.
The other dirty members of the expedition went after them silently, Paige tucked securely under Andy's arm.
Most of the other humans, all those who had hung their heads in shame for admitting me into their society, shuffled out behind them. Only Jamie, Jeb, and Ian beside me, and Trudy, Geoffrey, Heath, Lily, Wes, and Walter stayed.
No one spoke until the echoes of their footsteps faded away into silence.
"Whew!" Ian breathed. "That was close. Nice thinking, Jeb. "
"Inspiration in desperation. But we're not out of the woods yet," Jeb answered.
"Don't I know it! You didn't leave the gun anywhere obvious, did you?"
"Nope. I figured this might be comin' on soon. "
"That's something, at least. "
Jamie was trembling, alone in the space left by the exodus. Surrounded by those I had to count as friends, I felt able to walk to his side. He threw his arms around my waist, and I patted his back with shaky hands.
"It's okay," I lied in a whisper. "It's okay. " I knew even a fool would hear the false note in my voice, and Jamie was not a fool.
"He won't hurt you," Jamie said thickly, struggling against the tears I could see in his eyes. "I won't let him. "
"Shh," I murmured.
I was appalled-I could feel that my face was fixed in lines of horror. Jared was right-how could Jeb have let this happen? If they'd killed me the first day here, before Jamie had ever seen me. . . Or that first week, while Jared kept me isolated from everyone, before Jamie and I had become friends. . . Or if I had just kept my mouth shut about Melanie. . . It was too late for all that. My arms tightened around the child.
Melanie was just as aghast. My poor baby.
I told you it was a bad idea to tell him everything, I reminded her.
What will it do to him now, when we die?
It's going to be terrible. He'll be traumatized and scarred and devastated -
Melanie interrupted me. Enough. I know, I know. But what can we do?
Not die, I suppose.
Melanie and I thought about the likelihood of our survival and felt despair.
Ian thumped Jamie on the back-I could feel the motion reverberate through both our bodies.
"Don't agonize over it, kid," he said. "You're not in this alone. "
"They're just shocked, that's all. " I recognized Trudy's alto voice behind me. "Once we get a chance to explain, they'll see reason. "
"See reason? Kyle?" someone hissed almost unintelligibly.
"We knew this was coming," Jeb muttered. "Just got to weather it. Storms pass. "
"Maybe you ought to find that gun," Lily suggested calmly. "Tonight might be a long one. Wanda can stay with Heidi and me -"
"I think it might be better to keep her somewhere else," Ian disagreed. "Maybe in the southern tunnels? I'll keep an eye on her. Jeb, wanna lend me a hand?"
"They wouldn't look for her with me. " Walter's offer was just a whisper.
Wes spoke over the last of Walter's words. "I'll tag along with you, Ian. There're six of them. "
"No," I finally managed to choke out. "No. That's not right. You shouldn't fight with each other. You all belong here. You belong together. Not fighting, not because of me. "
I pulled Jamie's arms from around my waist, holding his wrists when he tried to stop me.
"I just need a minute to myself," I told him, ignoring all the stares I could feel on my face. "I need to be alone. " I turned my head to find Jeb. "And you should have a chance to discuss this without me listening. It's not fair-having to discuss strategy in front of the enemy. "
"Now, don't be like that," Jeb said.
"Let me have some time to think, Jeb. "
I stepped away from Jamie, dropping his hands. A hand fell on my shoulder, and I cringed.
It was just Ian. "It's not a good idea for you to be wandering around by yourself. "
I leaned toward him and tried to pitch my voice so low that Jamie wouldn't hear me clearly. "Why prolong the inevitable? Will it get easier or harder for him?"
I thought I knew the answer to my last question. I ducked under Ian's hand and broke into a run, sprinting for the exit.
"Wanda!" Jamie called after me.
Someone quickly shushed him. There were no footsteps behind me. They must have seen the wisdom of letting me go.
The hall was dark and deserted. If I was lucky, I'd be able to cut around the edge of the big garden plaza in the dark with no one the wiser.
In all my time here, the one thing I'd never found was the way out. It seemed as if I'd been down every tunnel time and again, and I'd never seen an opening I hadn't eventually explored in search of one thing or another. I thought about it now as I crept through the deepest shadowed corners of the big cave. Where could the exit be? And I thought about this: if I could figure that puzzle out, would I be able to leave?
I couldn't think of anything worth leaving for-certainly not the desert waiting outside, but also not the Seeker, not the Healer, not my Comforter, not my life before, which had left such a shallow impression on me. Everything that really mattered was with me here. Jamie. Though he would kill me, Jared. I couldn't imagine walking away from either of them.
And Jeb. Ian. I had friends now. Doc, Trudy, Lily, Wes, Walter, Heath. Strange humans who could overlook what I was and see something they didn't have to kill. Maybe it was just curiosity, but regardless of that, they were willing to side with me against the rest of their tight-knit family of survivors. I shook my head in wonder as I traced the rough rock with my hands.
I could hear others in the cavern, on the far side from me. I didn't pause; they could not see me here, and I'd just found the crevice I was looking for.
After all, there was really only one place for me to go. Even if I could somehow have guessed the way to escape, I would still have gone this way. I crept into the blackest darkness imaginable and hurried along my way.