Chapter Fifteen
As she headed for the door of her dorm room, Elena rummaged through her bag, checking off a mental list: wallet, keys, phone, lip gloss, eyeliner, hairbrush, student ID. As she swung the door open, something fluttered to the ground.
A perfect white daisy had fal en to the floor. Elena reached down and picked it up. Turning it in her hand, she felt a sudden sharp ache in her chest. God, I miss Stefan.
She had no doubt the daisy was from him. It was just like him to let her know he was thinking of her while stil respecting her space.
The ache in her chest was slowly replaced with a sweet glowing feeling. It seemed so sil y and artificial to avoid talking to Stefan. She loved him. And, beyond that, he was one of her best friends. Elena pul ed out her phone to cal him.
And then she stopped. Taking a deep breath, she put the phone back into her bag.
If she talked to Stefan, she would want to see him. If she saw him, she would want to touch him. If she touched him, it would al be over. She would find herself fal ing into him, entangled in love. And then she would look up and see Damon's dark unfathomable eyes watching them and feel that pul toward him. And then the brothers would look at each other, and love and pain and fury would pass over their faces, and everything would start up again.
It had felt good to walk away from them for a while, even though it was heartbreaking and awful and terribly lonely, too. But, since then, Elena had felt a calm settle over her.
She wasn't happy, exactly - it was like she was covered with bruises, and if she wasn't careful, pain would flood over her as she remembered what she had done. But she also felt as if she had been holding her breath for weeks and now was able to exhale.
She knew that Stefan would be waiting for her when she was ready to face him again. Wasn't that what the daisy meant?
She tucked the flower inside her bag and set off down the hal , her heels clicking firmly. Elena was going to go out with her friends, she was going to have fun, and she wasn't going to think about Stefan, or Damon. Or even the disappearances, or Christopher's death. Elena sighed under the weight of it al . For days, they had been mourning, and now Elena and her friends needed to embrace life again. They deserved an evening of freedom. They needed to remember what they were fighting for.
"There she is," Elena heard Bonnie say as she entered the crowded bar. "Elena! Over here!"
Bonnie, Meredith, and a girl Elena didn't know were sitting at a smal table near the dance floor. They had invited Matt to come out with them, but he'd said he had to study, his face politely closed off, and they knew he wasn't ready yet and that he needed some time alone.
Meredith, graceful and relaxed, gave Elena a cool smile in greeting and introduced her friend Samantha. Samantha was lean, bright eyed, and alert. She seemed like she had energy to spare, shifting from side to side, chatting without stopping.
Bonnie, too, was clearly on tonight and started talking as soon as Elena reached the table. Bonnie was brave, Elena thought. Christopher's death had shocked her, and she was as worried about Matt as any of them, but she would stick out her chin and smile and gossip and go on with life just as hard as she could, because they had decided that was what tonight would be about.
"I got you a Coke," Bonnie said. "They carded me, so I couldn't get anything else. Guess what?" She paused dramatical y. "I cal ed Zander, and he said he'd definitely try to make it here tonight. I can't wait for you guys to meet him!" Bonnie was practical y bouncing out of her seat with excitement, red curls flipping everywhere.
"Who's Zander?" asked Samantha innocently.
Meredith gave Elena a sly glance. "You know, I'm not sure," she said with mock confusion. "Bonnie, tel us about him."
"Yes," Elena added, smirking. "I don't think you've mentioned him at al , have you?"
"Shut up, you guys," Bonnie said amiably, and, leaning over the table to Samantha, started to extol al of Zander's virtues to her fresh audience. Elena let her mind wander.
She'd heard it al , night after night in their dorm lately: Zander's eyes, Zander's smile, Zander's bashful charm, Zander's very hot bod (Bonnie's words). How Zander and Bonnie studied together in a tucked-away corner of the library and Zander brought Bonnie secret snacks even though it was totally against the library rules. The way they talked on the phone every night, the long velvety pauses when it seemed like Zander was on the verge of whispering something intimate, something no one but Bonnie could know, but then instead he would make a joke that made Bonnie laugh like crazy. There was something so sweet about Bonnie with a crush. Elena real y hoped this guy was worthy of her.
"He hasn't kissed me yet," Bonnie added, eyes wide.
"Soon, though. I hope."
"The very first kiss," Samantha said, and wiggled her eyebrows. "Maybe tonight?" Bonnie just giggled in response.
That ache was back in Elena's chest, and she pressed her hand against her sternum. During her first kiss with Stefan, the world had fal en away and there had been just the two of them, lips and souls touching. Everything had seemed so clear then.
She took a deep breath and wil ed away tears. She wasn't going to remember anything tonight; she was just going to have a good time with her friends.
Having Samantha there, Elena soon realized, was going to be a huge help with that. If it had been just Elena, Meredith, and Bonnie, they would have ended up discussing Christopher's murder and the disappearances on campus, combing obsessively over the very few things they knew and theorizing about everything they didn't. But with Samantha there, they had to keep the conversation light.
Somehow Bonnie got off the topic of wonderful Zander and on to palm reading. "Look," she said to Samantha.
"See the line that crosses down your palm, across the other three lines? That's a fate line, not everybody has that."
"What does it mean?" Samantha said, gazing at her own palm with great interest.
"Well," Bonnie said, her brow furrowing, "it changes direction a lot - see here? and here? - which means that your destiny is going to change because of outside forces influencing you."
"Hmm," Samantha said. "How about love? Wil I meet somebody amazing tonight?"
"No," Bonnie said slowly, and her voice changed, taking on a flat, almost metal ic, tone. Elena glanced up quickly to see that Bonnie's pupils were dilated, her eyes looking away from Samantha's palm into the distance. "Not tonight.
But there's someone waiting for you who wil change everything. You'l meet him soon."
"Bonnie," Meredith said sharply. "Are you okay?" Bonnie blinked, and her eyes snapped back into focus.
"Of course," she said, sounding confused. "What do you mean?"
Elena and Meredith exchanged a glance - had Bonnie slipped into a vision? Before they could question her, a whole group of guys was suddenly at their table, laughing, shouting, swearing. Elena frowned up at them.
"Hey, gorgeous," one said, staring down at Elena.
"Wanna dance?"
Elena started to shake her head, but another of the guys dropped into the seat next to Bonnie and threw his arm around her. "Hey," he said. "Did you miss me?"
"Zander!" Bonnie exclaimed, her cheeks pink with delight.
So this was Zander, Elena thought, and watched him covertly as his three friends settled at the table, too, introducing themselves cheerful y, seeming to make the maximum amount of noise dragging chairs over and jockeying to sit next to the girls. Zander was cute, sure, she had to admit that. Pale blond hair and a gorgeous smile.
She didn't real y like the way he was pul ing Bonnie close, turning her head toward him, his hands running restlessly over her shoulders even as he talked over her head to his friends. It seemed real y possessive for a guy who hadn't even kissed her yet. Elena looked over at Meredith to see if she was thinking the same thing.
Meredith was listening, with an amused smile, to the guy next to her - Marcus, she thought his name was - Zander's friend with the shaggy brown hair, explaining his weight-lifting routine.
"Shots," another friend of Zander's said succinctly, joining them with a tray ful of shot glasses. "Let's play quarters."
Bonnie giggled. "They're not al owed to serve us here. We're underage."
The guy grinned. "S'alright. I paid for them, not you."
"Wanna dance?" Spencer, the one who had asked Elena a minute before, said again, asking Samantha this time.
"Sure!" she said, and jumped to her feet. The two were quickly lost in the crowd on the dance floor.
"God, I was so drunk last night," the guy next to Elena, Jared, said, tipping his chair back on two legs and regarding her cheerful y. His friend on his other side gazed at him for a minute, then poured a shot into his lap.
"Hey!" In a moment, they were on their feet and shoving each other, the guy who had poured the drink laughing, Jared red-faced and angry.
"Knock it off, you guys," Zander said. "I don't want to get kicked out of here, too."
Too? Elena raised her eyebrows. This guy and his friends were definitely too wild for innocent little Bonnie.
Elena looked at Meredith again for confirmation, but she was stil lost in jock world, now giving her opinion on the best weight training for martial arts.
Bonnie squealed with laughter and bounced a quarter directly into one of the shot glasses. Al the guys cheered.
"Now what?" she said breathlessly, her eyes bright.
"Now you choose someone to drink it," the guy who had brought the drinks said.
"Zander, of course," Bonnie said, and Zander gave her a long, slow smile that even Elena had to admit was devastating and drank, then winked at her as she laughed again.
Bonnie looked ... real y happy. Elena couldn't remember the last time she had seen her laughing like this.
It must have been at least a year ago, before things had gone crazy in Fel 's Church.
Elena sighed and looked around the table. These guys were rowdy - tussling and shoving at one another - but they were friendly enough. And this was the kind of thing people did at col ege, wasn't it? If it made Bonnie happy, Elena ought to at least try to get along with them.
Samantha and Spencer came back to the table, both laughing, and Samantha col apsed in her seat. "No more," she said, raising her hands to fend him off. "I need a water break. You're a madman, you know that?"
"Wil you come dance with me, then?" Spencer said pleadingly to Elena, widening big brown puppy-dog eyes at her.
"He'l try to pick you up," Samantha warned. "And dip you. And spin you around. But don't worry, I'l be back out on that floor in no time."
"Pretty please?" Spencer said, making an even more pathetic face.
Bonnie laughed triumphantly as she bounced another quarter into the glass.
Dancing with a group of friends isn't betraying anyone, Elena thought. Besides, she was single now. Sort of, anyway. She should try to enjoy col ege, to embrace life.
Wasn't that the whole point of tonight? She shrugged.
"Sure, why not?"
***