Practical Demonkeeping (Pine Cove 1) - Page 9

"Are you Effrom Elliot?" he asked.

"I am. " Effrom said. He held out his quarter. "Thanks for stopping by, but I'm busy, so you can just give me my Watchtower and I'll read it later. "

"Mr. Elliot, I'm not a Jehovah's Witness. "

"Well, I have all the insurance I can afford, but if you leave me your card, I'll give it to the wife. "

"Is your wife still alive, Mr. Elliot?"

"Of course she's alive. What did you think? I was going to tape your business card to her tombstone? Son, you're not cut out to be a salesman. You should get an honest job. "

"I'm not a salesman, Mr. Elliot. I'm an old friend of your wife's. I need to talk to her. It's very important. "

"She ain't home. "

"Your wife's name is Amanda, right?"

"That's right. But don't you try any of your sneaky tricks. You ain't no friend of the wife or I'd know you. And we got a vacuum cleaner that'd suck the hide off a bear, so go away. " Effrom started to close the door.

"No, please, Mr. Elliot. I really need to speak to your wife. "

"She ain't home. "

"When will she be home?"

"She's coming home tomorrow. But I'm warning you, son, she's even tougher than I am on flimflam men. Mean as a snake. You'd be best to just pack up your carpetbag and go look for honest work. "

"You were a World War One veteran, weren't you?"

"I was. What of it?"

"Thank you, Mr. Elliot. I'll be back tomorrow. "

"Don't bother. "

"Thank you, Mr. Elliot. "

Effrom slammed the door. His angina wrenched his chest like a scaly talon. He tried to breathe deeply while he fingered a nitroglycerin pill from his shirt pocket. He popped it into his mouth, and it dissolved on his tongue immediately. In a few seconds the pain in his chest subsided. Maybe he would skip lunch today, go right to his nap.

Why the wife kept sending in those cards about insurance was beyond him. Didn't she know that "no salesman will call" was one of the three great lies? He resolved again to give her hell when she got home.

When Travis got back into the car, he tried to hide his excitement from the demon. He fought the urge to shout "Eureka!" to pound on the steering wheel, to sing hallelujah at the top of his lungs. It might finally be coming to an end. He wouldn't let himself think about it. It was only a long shot, but he felt closer than he ever had to being free of the demon.

"So, how's your old friend?" Catch said sarcastically. They had played this scene literally thousands of times. Travis tried to assume the same attitude he always had when faced with those failures.

"He's fine," Travis said. "He asked about you. " He started the car and pulled away from the curb slowly. The old Chevy's engine sputtered and tried to die, then caught.

"He did?"

"Yeah, he couldn't understand why your mother didn't eat her young. "

"I didn't have a mother. "

"Do you think she'd claim you?"

Catch grinned. "Your mother wet herself before I finished her. "

The anger came sliding back over the years. Travis shut off the engine.

"Get out and push," he said. Then he waited. Sometimes the demon would do exactly what he said, and other times Catch laughed at him. Travis had never been able to figure out the inconsistency.

"No," Catch said.

"Do it. "

The demon opened the car door. "Lovely girl you're going out with tonight, Travis. "

"Don't even think about it. "

The demon licked his chops. "Think what?"

"Get out. "

Catch got out. Travis left the Chevy in drive. When the car started moving, Travis could hear the demon's clawed feet cutting furrows in the asphalt.

Just one more day. Maybe.

He tried to think of the girl, Jenny, and it occurred to him that he was the only man he had ever heard of who had waited until he was in his nineties before going on his first date. He didn't have the slightest idea why he had asked her out. Something about her eyes. There was something there that reminded him of happiness, his own happiness. Travis smiled.

Tags: Christopher Moore Pine Cove Fantasy
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