Out of the Ashes (Maji 1)

“So fated mates don’t always end up together?”

“No,” Kol said. “And that it why our mating is even more special … we are meant for each other and have bonded together, shiva.”

Holy shit.

“How has it only been seven days since we met? Two of which I was unconscious for.”

Kol laughed as he lifted his hands to my face, cupping my cheeks. “I keep asking myself the same thing. I can’t remember what my life was before you entered it.”

“Me too,” I whispered before a small smile spread across my face.

“I should have known the pull to you was too great,” he continued. “I should have trusted my body’s need for you.”

My smile faded, and I leaned back.

“Your body’s need for me?” I questioned.

Kol lost his smile, too. “What’s wrong?”

“Why did you word it like that?” I asked, stepping out of his embrace and putting some space between us.

“Shiva.” He frowned and reached for me.

“No,” I said after a moment of silence. “Don’t touch me. Just answer my question.”

“You deny me?” he asked, and I felt the pain in his words as if they were a thousand physical blows.

“I’m just saying I need a little space right now to—”

“No,” Kol cut me off.

“Kol,” I stressed. “Be reasonable.”

“You hesitated when I asked if you’re denying me,” he growled.

“Because I don’t understand it,” I explained. “You have to give me a moment to absorb and understand what you’re saying.”

“I don’t understand, Nova. Why are you upset?”

“You said your body knew I was yours.”

“My body does know you’re mine.”

“Your body knows?”

Kol bobbed his head, and it made the sudden pain in my chest intensify.

“Do … do you think you would have mated me if we weren’t fated mates?” I asked, my heart pounding against my chest. “If your body didn’t hurt for you to have me like you said it did?”

Kol blinked. “I don’t know.”

I stepped away from him, but he quickly followed.

“What is it?” he demanded. “Why are you hurting so badly?”

He could feel the pain of my heart breaking.

“You only mated me because a chemical in your body told you so?”

Kol frowned down at me. “Well, yes, that is how a mating works, shiva.”

I pushed his hands away when he reached for me.

“Don’t call me shiva.”

He froze. “What?”

My heart was pounding against my chest, and hundreds of questions were zig-zagging through my head at a mile a minute. From the moment I woke up on the Ebony, I had been confused about the Maji, but I thought I was somewhat beginning to understand Kol. Now I was back to square one; only this time, I was mated to him.

“You don’t understand why I’m upset, do you?” I asked him.

He shook his head. “I have no idea.”

“I thought from the beginning that everything with your people moved at a rapid rate, so while I was surprised at your declaration of your intention for me, I wasn’t surprised that you wanted to mate right away. I understand things work differently with your people, and you don’t do the dating thing, but that made me blind to—”

“To what?” Kol cut me off, his body tensed.

“To the fact that you’ve mated me just because your dick got hard for me.”

Kol’s mouth dropped opened. “It’s more than that, Nova.”

I wasn’t so sure about that, and what was worse was I couldn’t even distance myself from Kol to clear my head because we were mated. That meant a mental link and a growing bond that I had no understanding of. Adding a new planet, a royal title, and a large new family to the mix caused a throbbing to take up residence in my head.

“What would you have done if I wasn’t at the WBO last week and needed rescuing?” I asked. “What would you have done if you never met me?”

Kol blinked. “I would … I would have continued on with my life and my mission as normal.”

“Hmm,” I said, folding my arms across my chest. “You’d have eventually taken a mate, right?”

He placed his hands on his hips. “Eventually, yes.”

I stared at him.

“I don’t understand the point of this conversation,” he said, throwing his hands up in the air. “We’re mated, so it doesn’t matter what could have happened because it didn’t happen.”

“Your eyes are still glowing,” I commented.

Kol’s features softened. “They’ll do that when I’m in your presence being as you are my fated mate.”

That meant something to Kol and his people, but to me, it just meant his bodily instinct made it difficult for him not to claim me when he first met me. There was nothing even close to it being about having an interest in something other than my body. To me, it sounded like everything was strictly physical and that hurt. Kol had said how much he cared for me and loved me and so forth, but it wasn’t real; it was his instinct, his genes, telling him he felt that way.

He couldn’t have come to care for me so quickly because he didn’t even know me. Not really. We were in the other’s life for seven days, less before we became a mated couple. During that time, we weren’t even civil towards one another. I was painfully aware that I didn’t know him either, so I had no excuse for my stupidity at falling in love with him. I had no instinct telling me I needed him, so I just had my heart to guide me, and I could foresee that my final destination would end in heartache.

“Nova,” Kol said, gaining my attention. “Talk to me.”

I stared up at him. “Can we just go to the feast? I really need some fresh air.”

Kol’s stare was unwavering, but after a moment, he nodded. I turned and made a move to leave the room, but Kol grabbed my arm and tugged my body flush against him.

“Mate,” he began. “Tell me what I can do to fix this?”

“You don’t even know what you’re asking to fix, Kol,” I said with a sad smile.

That was the point. He didn’t understand why I’d be upset over him just claiming me because some chemical … some instinct told him to. I had nothing other than my foolish heart telling me to accept his intention. I didn’t think Kol’s heart even had the freedom to decide if it wanted to fall in love with me, and that made me sad. I wanted Kol to come to love me like I had come to love him … on his own. I didn’t want it to be because his body was telling his heart to love me. I wanted it to come to that conclusion all on its own, but I didn’t think that was possible, and talking about it wouldn’t change that.

He didn’t understand. Even with an explanation … he just didn’t understand.

I felt dejected.

Kol, who was sitting sit next to me at a massive head table during the welcoming feast, knew I was upset, but he didn’t understand why, so he finally decided to stop asking me what was wrong both out loud and in my mind. My chair was so close to his that my thigh mashed against his, and though I wanted space, I knew I couldn’t have it out in public. His arm was protectively around my shoulder, resting there while he conversed and laughed with Killi, who sat on his right.

On my left was one of

Kol’s younger brothers, Aza. He was twenty years younger than Kol was, putting him at one hundred and eighty years of age. Of course, to me, he was ancient, but he looked in his early twenties, which blew my mind. He greeted me formally and didn’t utter another word throughout the entire feast.

I paid attention to bits of the festivities, like when the Revered Father made a huge speech into a device that carried his voice all over the town as he welcomed the human females to Ealra. His announcement of my mating with Kol was met with war cries, cheers, and deafening clapping. Kol and I didn’t have to speak, which I silently thanked Almighty for.

I ate food because I was hungry, but even while eating, I felt a little sick. I kept replaying my conversation with Kol over and over in my mind. The more I thought about it, the worse I felt. I wished I could have been seated next to Surkah, but she was in the centre of the head table to the right of her father with Mikoh by her side while I was on the far end of the table. All Kol’s brothers, the ones on Ealra, each greeted me and welcomed me to the family. Apart from the triplets, Ezah, and Aza, I couldn’t remember who was who, and when I tried to figure it out, my head hurt.

I want to go to sleep.

I jumped when Kol squeezed my shoulder. “A little while longer then we can retire.”

“I wasn’t speaking to you,” I mumbled. “I was just thinking in general.”

I leaned back in my chair, not interested in consuming the odd-looking dessert in front of me. I glanced at my now empty glass container that housed a juice of some kind. It was delicious, and my glass was refilled four times. Drinking so much of the liquid was a dumb move because the sudden urge to relieve myself was painful.

“Kol,” I said, gaining his attention. “I have to go to the cleansing room.”

He excused us from the table, took my hand, and led me towards a huge building to the right of the street we were on. The layout for the feast was incredible. Marble tables lined both sides of the streets, starting a few metres away from the head table, and continued all the way down the street to the point where I couldn’t even see the end. Maji and humans were everywhere, but it was a very coordinated event for such a large gathering. The Maji worked well together, and my women followed orders easy enough, causing no problems.