Ryder (Slater Brothers 4)

I nodded in understanding.

“Now I’m wonderin’ though,” she frowned.

I cringed. “I’m sorry, I should have kept me mouth shut to Damien.”

“No,” Bronagh stated. “You’re right. We should know where their—our—money went, we are their fianceés after all, and what’s theirs is ours, right?”

I humourlessly laughed. “After tonight, I’ll just be an ex.”

My sister tilted her head. “Tell me what’s goin’ on between you and Ryder, sis.”

“I don’t know what’s goin’ on with us, Bee, that’s the problem. I don’t know anythin’.”

Bronagh blinked, so I sighed and told her the same shortened version of my relationship’s downhill spiral that I gave to Damien. By the time I was finished speaking, she was crying and I wanted to thump myself.

“Bee,” I crooned. “Don’t cry, sweetie. It’ll all be okay, I promise.”

“It won’t,” she sniffled. “Our family is goin’ to be divided.”

I couldn’t say anything to make her feel better because she was right, once Ryder and I broke up, our family would be divided. Forever. I would make damn sure that it was an easy transition for her, though.

“It will be okay,” I repeated, firmer. “Trust me, I’ll never let me life affect yours. I’ll work it out with Ryder so things are as normal as possible for you.”

Bronagh wiped her tears away and said, “Stop that.”

“Stop what?” I asked.

She didn’t answer me instead she said, “How can you live like this?”

“Like what?”

“You brush everythin’ about yourself under the carpet. Why?”

I looked down to my hands. “I don’t know. I just do it.”

“Well, stop, you can’t continue livin’ like this.”

“Existin’.” I absentmindedly murmured.

“What?”

“I’m existin’, not livin’, there’s a difference between the two.”

My sister went still. “You don’t feel like you’re livin’?”

“Bronagh, I barely feel like I’m existin’,” I admitted. “I’m here, but I’m not at the same time. I just don’t care anymore.”

“I think you’re depressed, Branna.”

“I think it’s worse than that,” I frowned. “You have to feel somethin’ to be depressed, right? I don’t feel anythin’ anymore.”

Tears gathered in my sister’s eyes. “Bran.”

I smiled and patted her hand. “I’ll be fine, don’t you worry.”

“Stop that,” Bronagh cried. “Stop puttin’ yourself at the bottom on the list of priorities, you’ve done it all me life and I’m sick of it. Your mental health matters. You fuckin’ matter!”

I reared back as if she slapped me.

“I can’t just turn off me instincts to protect you, Bronagh,” I said defensively.

She cried harder. “I know you can’t, but I’m not askin’ you to stop protectin’ me, I’m just askin’ you not to not put me before yourself!”

I couldn’t accept that.

I shook my head. “You always come first.”

“Maybe when I was younger, Bran, but I’m an adult now.”

I raised a brow. “That doesn’t change anythin’, you’ll always be me little sister. I know I didn’t birth you, but I raised you. You’re mine, too.”

No matter what, Bronagh would always be mine.

“Yeah,” she agreed, “I am, but even little sisters have to grow up and learn responsibility. I know you’ll always worry, but everythin’ else you freak out about falls on Dominic’s shoulders now. I’m his, too, so it’s only right he shares some of the responsibility for me. It’s what he signed up for.”

I swallowed down the sob that wanted to break free.

“I love you, but I need you to stop puttin’ me before yourself.” My sister pressed on. “You’re the most important person in your life, and that’s how it should always be.”

I blinked. “It’s easy for you to say that now, but wait till you have the baby, she’ll be the most important person in your life.”

“She’s me child though.”

“You’re practically my child.” I countered.

Bronagh’s shoulders slumped. “Touché.”

“I hear what you’re sayin’, and I love you for it. I’ll work on it, okay? I know you’re now a beautiful butterfly who needs space to flap her wings, and that you don’t need me all the time.” I smiled her way even though I wanted to cry my eyes out.

“I’ll always need you, but I don’t want any of my problems to trump yours.”

I nodded.

Bronagh released my hand and rubbed her nose with the back of her hand. “I’m tellin’ Dominic ‘I’m a beautiful butterfly who needs her space to flap her wings’ whenever he pisses me off.”

I laughed and it felt good.

Bronagh leaned back into the chair, and rested her hands on her round stomach.

“When are you goin’ to do it?” she asked when she stopped sniffling. “You mentioned tonight, but will you really do it then?”

I nodded, glumly. “Yeah, I need to get it over with now that me mind is made up. If I don’t, it will fester and I’ll probably never get the guts to do it.”

“What will you do if he reacts badly?”

I snorted. “He will react badly. He blew up at me because he thought I was cheatin’ on him. Endin’ things will only fuel that anger, but he’ll get over it.”

“Will you be okay with it?” Bronagh asked.

“With what?” I questioned. “The break up?”

My sister nodded.

I shrugged. “In time. In time I’ll be okay with it.”

“Really?” my sister asked with a raised brow. “You’ll be okay comin’ to family dinners and watchin’ another woman kiss him, holdin’ his hand, and be the one puttin’ a smile on his face?”

I glared at Bronagh as my stomach churned with the images she put in my head.

“Yes,” I almost growled.

She shook her head. “You’re a shitty liar, you look ready to tear me head off for just suggestin’ Ryder being with another woman.”

I looked away. “It’s because I haven’t had time to live me life without ‘im, but I’m sure I’ll get over ‘im just fine. Time heals all wounds.”

“Bran?”

“What?”

“I wasn’t jokin’, you’re really a shitty liar.”

I laughed then, but only to cover up the tears that were suddenly falling onto my cheeks.

“Hey,” my sister murmured. “Come here.”

I turned to her and leaned into her embrace.

“I’ll be fine,” I sniffled. “It can’t be any worse than how things are right now. Being with ‘im, but not havin’ ‘im is worse than not being with ‘im at all.”