Forgetting You

Joining school in my senior year in the middle of term made me stick out like a sore thumb, and so did my accent. I was from Southside Dublin, Ireland, and it was something my classmates at school never let me forget. I’d been given the nickname “Leprechaun” three hours into my first day at school by Ajax, and when I punched the shite out of him for it, the nickname quickly changed simply to “Irish”. We’d been best friends ever since he laughed and told me I had a good right hook for a paddy as I helped him to his feet.

I looked from AJ back down to my glass and felt my frown deepen. “It’s empty, when did that happen?”

“Good, I’m glad it’s empty,” AJ said with a grunt. “Because this glass of water is yours.”

I hadn’t noticed he’d got two glasses of water off of the bartender. I stared at it then him, and noted the glint of determination in his grey eyes. I took the glass to appease him. I was in no mood for a fight, I hadn’t got the energy for it and he seemed to know it too.

“Why’re ye not drinkin’ the good stuff?” I questioned. “It’s Friday night.”

“I’ve been working all day. I finished this evening and was beginning to look forward to four days of relaxing before I’m back on watch. Then your sorry self went and popped into my mind. I was at a late dinner with Dani and she knew I was thinking about you, and she told me to come and find you. It took me two hours and eight different pubs until I spotted you in here. You could have made my mission much easier if you’d answered your fuckin’ phone, idiot.”

I blinked. Slowly.

“It’s on vibrate, I didn’t feel it ring. Be sure to tell Dani I’m sorry I robbed her of ye.”

“Dani knows the drill. We aren’t together, we’re just fuck buddies.”

“Bullshit,” I snorted. “Ye warned her not to be off shaggin’ other blokes or ye’d kill them.”

“So?” AJ grunted. “She told me to steer clear of other women too.”

“That sounds an awful lot like a relationship to me.”

“Don’t be talkin’ about relationships, it gives me hives.” AJ shivered dramatically. “Just drink your water like a good little lad so I can get you back home. You need to sober up and get your head screwed back on tight so you can come back to work at the station soon. You only got six weeks of compassionate leave because Stitch spoke on your behalf. Once you register time with a counsellor to sort your head out, you’ll be back on watch in no time.”

The thought of it made me want to vomit.

“Work doesn’t matter any more. Nothin’ matters.”

AJ clapped his hand against my back as he sighed.

“Eli, I know you’re hurting, brother. This has got to stop though. Your mum and dad have been through hell and back. Your mum can’t handle something happening to you and you know it. Bailey wouldn’t want this, man.”

I closed my eyes and forced myself to remain still. I balled my hands into fists and felt my body go rigid. The sound of her name made every cell in my body tense.

“Don’t,” I pleaded. “Don’t say her name. Just don’t. Please.”

The reason I drank, the reason I craved numbness was because of Bailey. Her pretty face flashed across my mind. Blue eyes that matched my own, twin dimples in her cheeks, and pearly whites that’d have a man in love still stop and stare when she smiled. My beautiful, pain-in-the-arse little sister who died fifteen days ago. My little sister who I couldn’t save. My little sister who I had to bury long before her time.

My chest constricted with agonising pain every single time her name was mentioned or her sweet face appeared in my mind. I was her big brother; I was supposed to protect her, and I didn’t. I chose another over her, and I hated myself for it because there was a part of me that didn’t regret my choice.

I had to live with that.

“Fine,” AJ grunted. “I’ll leave it alone, for now. Has there been any update on Noah?”

My senses seemed to heighten at the mention of her name. The weight of those two syllables on me may as well have been the weight of the entire fucking world. We hadn’t spoken to one another in four years, but that changed nothing about how I felt about her. I was still in love with her while she was married to another man.

“No.” I swallowed. “The last Mr Ainsley told me was that the MRI and CAT scans showed good activity, so we know she isn’t brain-dead. She’s just . . . sleepin’. They don’t know when she’ll wake up from her coma, it’s a waitin’ game now. It’s up to Noah what happens next.”