She had a dusting of red and pink little dots and lines on her face. I remembered her having cuts on her face that night in the car; they had since scabbed over and healed, leaving behind little reminders that would eventually fade to white.
Her fair skin looked dull, and I wasn’t sure if it had looked like that before her accident or because of the accident. The main thing I noticed about her was that she had gained weight. Noah had always been tiny to me; she stood at five foot ten but had always been slim. I often teased her that the only curves she had were when she bent over. I hadn’t seen her in person in years, so I wasn’t sure when her body had made this change. I’d spotted her now and again for fleeting moments – when I was in Tesco, or driving down the motorway as I passed her and her husband’s car – but never close like this.
“Are you okay, Elliot?”
I looked up at Mr Ainsley and my stomach clenched.
I’d known him over a decade and to see him at the place he was at in life hurt me. I visited them often because not long after I’d lost Noah, they lost her too. Anderson Riley was Noah’s husband, and though I had no proof, I knew he was the reason she’d turned her back on her family after they got together. That miserable bastard took my heart from me and I hated him for it, but I knew what I hated most was the fact that I’d pushed her into his open arms.
I forced him from my mind.
“Honestly, sir, no,” I answered on a sigh. “I’m hurtin’ for her, she’s so scared and confused. I honestly don’t know what I can do for her and I’m worried about it.”
“For now, just being here is enough, honey,” Mrs Ainsley said.
I found myself nodding. “I can’t imagine what she’s goin’ through . . . to be told she has a whole other life to the one she thinks she had. She must be terrified.”
“She is,” Mr Ainsley said. “She is scared, and she wanted you. Your presence will help her.”
“But sir . . . if she thinks it’s 2015 then she thinks that I’m—”
“Her boyfriend,” Mrs Ainsley finished.
I felt lower than dirt when excitement and hope rippled through me. How many times had I wished that my and Noah’s memories could be wiped just so we could turn back time and be together like we were before everything became fucked up? I had got my wish, and the price I had to pay for it wasn’t worth it. Nothing was worth my sister’s life and Noah’s mental and physical health.
Nothing.
I swallowed. “I’m tryin’ to figure out in me head how I should approach her, approach the situation. I don’t wanna confuse her, and I definitely don’t wanna hurt her – but she’s married, and I’m not her husband.”
Nothing I did could change that fact.
“One day at a time, Elliot.” Mrs Ainsley offered me a small smile. “We can do no more than that.”
I looked back at Noah. “Does she know about Bailey?”
“No,” Mr Ainsley answered. “We told her she was in a car accident in a taxi, but we’ve not mentioned anything about your sister. I’m afraid, son . . . I don’t know how she’ll handle it. Doctor Abara is worried. When things get to be too much for her, she faints. Her brain is under a lot of stress right now; the swelling on her brain is causing her headaches that bring her serious pain.”
The thought of her being in pain made me feel so helpless.
“I understand,” I said. “It’s hard for me to say I completely agree, but I understand.”
“You think we should tell her, even with the state she’s in?”
“It’s not that.” I rubbed a hand over my face. “It’s the keeping-it-from-her part that makes me uneasy. I was always honest with Noah, and the one time I wasn’t it blew up in me face and then our relationship ended. It makes me hesitant about keepin’ things from her that I know she’ll want to know.”
Mr Ainsley reached out and gave my shoulder a squeeze.
“This is for her own good.”
“I know,” I relented. “That’s why I’m goin’ to keep me mouth shut because it’s for her benefit. You and the doc are right, it’s best to keep it from her until she’s stable. She was always close with me sister, and even though she pushed us all away after we broke up, I know she still loved her. Knowin’ Bailey is gone will devastate her, even more so when she finds out she was in the wreck with her.”
“You’re right,” Mr Ainsley said as he dropped his arm to his side. “This will sound stupid, Eli, but how are you holding up?”