Forgetting You

“I’m fine,” he answered with a smile. “I’m just . . . not coping well with you being so sick.”

His words tugged at my heart.

“I’m okay,” I told him. “I’m getting better. They moved me out of the ICU.”

“I know. Your doctor phoned me this afternoon to give me an update.”

I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I clasped my hands together as I remained sitting upright. I stared at the man who I was married to and tried to feel . . . something. But all that struck me was confusion. I truly had no memory of this man and it bothered me. I wanted to know what he was to me, how I felt about him.

“I’m sorry.”

He blinked. “What for?”

“All of this.” I shrugged. “I know I didn’t choose it, but I hate that you’re getting the short end of this stick. I’ve tried to remember you, but my mind is completely blank. The doctor says my memory could come back at any time, either whole or in fragments.”

“It also may never come back at all.”

I shifted. “Yeah, then there’s that.”

“Maybe seeing me and spending some time with me might help you.”

“Maybe.” I nodded. “I know Doctor Abara sent you home last week because of my reaction to you. I won’t lie and say this is entirely easy for me, but my head is clearer than it was. I’m curious to know you, to know what my life was like with you.”

Anderson leaned back in the chair, letting his hand fall away from my wrist. He made himself as comfortable as he could.

“I can tell you how we met, if you’d like?” Anderson offered. “That’s light enough. The doctor told me over the phone that major memory triggers were restricted right now because of your brain’s inability to process the information without hurting you.”

“Yeah,” I answered with a sigh. “I’ve got a lot of questions that can’t be answered right now, but what you suggest sounds light enough – as long as I don’t think on it too hard.”

Anderson nodded, then with a smile he said, “I met you in the florist’s where you worked. I was picking out flowers for a friend of mine who recently got a job promotion, and I went with red roses. You asked me if they were for my girlfriend.” He chuckled. “When I told you who they were for, you almost passed out. You were adamant that red roses represented love and that I’d be giving my friend the wrong signals if I sent them to her.”

I chuckled. “Flowers have meanings: they speak louder than words.”

“You said something similar back then,” Anderson mused. “You called me a silly billy. I laughed, and when you realised you’d said it out loud, you got all embarrassed. You were shy, I knew that from the start, but you were comfortable when you spoke with me. I asked for your number as you wrapped up yellow roses for me and that was our beginning.”

I exhaled a breath, trying to figure out how to process the information I had been given. For some reason, I’d expected to feel something to indicate what Anderson meant to me once I heard of how we came to be, but I felt nothing. It was odd having a man who was my husband tell me how we met. I knew I was supposed to feel love for this man – or at the very least, physical attraction – but I felt nothing.

It felt harsh, because Anderson was clearly going through a tough time because of me. He seemed like a wonderful man, like someone who really cared about me, but my heart didn’t know him. He had been wiped from it after my accident. Elliot was the only man who remained, but I found myself wondering if that was just a cruel twist of fate. I wasn’t with Elliot for a reason, and Anderson claimed Elliot had broken my heart and that I didn’t want him . . . Maybe I was in love with Anderson, and leaving Elliot had been the best choice for me.

My mind was so messed up because trying to think logically hurt my head. My gut told me Elliot was still my person and that Anderson was not, but I didn’t know whether I could trust my instincts. Not having my memory meant I couldn’t trust anyone, not even myself.

“Did we date right away?” I asked Anderson as I leaned back against my pillow. “What happened next?”

“We texted back and forth for a while before we went on our first date. Only to the cinema to see an Avengers film, but afterwards we went for dinner and then walked around town since it was a beautiful evening. We laughed so much that night over the dumbest of things that we could barely walk. I knew you were special that night and I knew you’d be the one I’d marry.”