I had always wanted to be married, to be in a secure and loving relationship. It seemed obvious to me that I must have found love and happiness with Anderson – I wouldn’t have married him otherwise – but to the person I was right now, that didn’t mean a whole lot. It didn’t make me automatically love Anderson, but it did make me a little more open to him. I had shut him down before completely, because of shock and because I couldn’t see past Elliot, but I had to be realistic instead of optimistic.
I loved Elliot, but I had to prepare myself for the possibility that we didn’t have a future together – no matter how much it hurt me to admit that to myself.
“One of the first things you told me that night was that my eyes reminded you of a black dahlia at first glance, because they’re so dark.”
I snorted. “Sounds like me.”
“You’re a visual person.” He smiled in agreement. “You can’t help but compare people to things you enjoy seeing.”
I had never realised that about myself, but Anderson was right. I mostly did that with people’s eyes. I always compared the eyes of a person to something visual that I liked. Elliot’s eyes reminded me of the ocean, my dad’s reminded me of emeralds, my mum’s reminded me of the sky, and Anderson’s did remind me of black dahlias, now that I had got a good look at them.
“I just learned something new about myself,” I said thoughtfully. “I like that.”
Anderson leaned forward when I yawned.
“You should rest.”
“But I’m enjoying our talk.”
I wasn’t lying, I was enjoying our talk, but man, I was exhausted too.
“It’s late,” he said, reaching out and touching my wrist. “Security is lax now that you’re on a regular ward. I only planned to pop in to see you, I didn’t think you’d wake up. I don’t want to start anything with your doctor or parents, I know they’re only doing what’s best for you. I’ll keep my distance until you’re stronger, but I can come back in a few nights to see you again.”
I nodded. “I’d like that . . . I’m truly sorry about all of this, Anderson. It’s not fair to you.”
“It’s not fair to you,” he stressed. “You’re the one who’s going through hell, but I’ll walk through hell with you if it means you get better.”
His words touched me.
“Thanks, Anderson.”
He surprised me when he leaned in and pressed his lips gently to mine.
“I love you, baby,” he said, applying slight pressure to my wrist. “Don’t forget that.”
When he pulled back, he smiled at me when I nodded. He flicked my light off, bent down to kiss my forehead, then left as quietly as he came. I closed my eyes, trying to find a place in my heart for Anderson. I knew it was going to be a difficult task because no matter what life seemed to throw at me, at the end of the day, the only man who my heart wanted was Elliot McKenna.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
NOAH
The cycle of being a doted-on patient continued for two days on the regular ward before anyone, including Doctor Abara, would even consider letting me even try to move about – which meant my catheter was removed, but I had to use a bedpan to pee and a commode for number twos. It was humiliating but it was a step in my recovery I had to take. Another step was strengthening my muscles. I now had a physical therapist come into my room and exercise the limbs that were able to move, to keep my strength up; apparently they’d had someone do this during my coma to keep my body as strong as it could be. At first, exhaustion made me meekly listen to my parents, and even Elliot when he suggested I just rest, but I was done resting.
I had spent a lot of time sleeping and not enough doing anything else. I knew I needed my strength, but sleeping all the time was extremely tiring. It was a paradox.
I could stay awake for much longer periods now; my headaches were still there, but the level of pain was nowhere near the height it had reached when I first woke up. That meant the painkillers I was on were no longer at a constant high dosage, which I was thankful for because all they did was kill the pain by making me numb and drowsy enough to fall asleep. I was never a big fan of using medication for every little twinge of pain I felt, and I wasn’t about to start now.
I had awoken from my first nap of the day, and I hoped it would be my only nap until I went to sleep that night. I found myself wondering if Anderson would drop by again. I hadn’t mentioned his visit to Elliot or my parents because I wasn’t sure how they would take it. Elliot didn’t like him just as much as Anderson didn’t like Elliot, and mentioning either one in the other’s presence didn’t seem like a very good idea. So since Elliot was with me nearly every waking moment, I kept it to myself.