I recoiled away from him, but his hold on me tightened.
“What?” he asked, his voice holding the hint of a warning. “What did ye just say?”
“Let me go.” I struggled. “I’ll shower myself—”
“What did ye mean?” he interrupted gruffly. “What d’ye mean, someone with a body like yours?”
I was mortified.
“Don’t pretend like you don’t know,” I said, lifting my chin. “I saw your eyes, you wouldn’t look below my face. I’m different than when we were together. I’m bigger.”
Elliot took a moment, then he cursed.
“I didn’t look at you because I didn’t want to make ye uncomfortable,” he stated. “I’m lookin’ at you now, and I’m still hard. So fucking hard. If I wasn’t physically attracted to ye, that wouldn’t happen.”
He was telling the truth – Elliot was never one for telling lies. He was always so forward about his thoughts and feelings; it was a trait I’d always admired. I hated liars, I hated when people chose not to be honest with a person, especially their partner. Elliot’s honesty was something I’d always valued.
“But . . . but . . . why would you looking at me naked make you uncomfortable?”
“Noah.” He exhaled a breath. “You’re married.”
The reminder was like a punch to my gut.
“I don’t know him.” I swallowed. “I know I’m his wife, I know it . . . but he isn’t in my heart like you are, Elliot.”
“Christ.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “You’re making this even harder.”
I didn’t want to tease or mislead Elliot, and I repeated his words in my head until I felt dizzy. I was married. Married to another man, and even though I didn’t remember a life with him, how I felt for Elliot was disrespectful to my husband. My behaviour at this moment was inexcusable.
“I miss you,” I said to him. “I miss your kisses, your touch, your arms around me, the feel of you inside of me. I hate that I’m married to another man . . . how can I be his wife when my heart beats for you?”
Elliot lowered his head and pressed his forehead against mine.
“I can’t imagine how much this hurts you, sweetheart. Ye look at me like you used to . . . I can see it in your eyes what ye feel for me. I won’t lie either, I’m happy you’re feeling the way ye are . . . but we have to be realistic, Noah. Ye could get your memories back tomorrow and any feelings ye had for Anderson could come pourin’ back.”
His words scared me because I couldn’t imagine feeling for another man what I felt for Elliot, and a huge part of me didn’t want to.
He kissed my cheek. “I can’t let us cross that line, no matter how much I want, need and crave ye, green eyes. I’m terrified that when you wake up from your next nap, ye’ll have all your memories back and ye’ll hate me if we do this. What if you love Anderson and this is cheatin’?”
I felt my eyes burning with tears.
“You have to tell me why I’m with him, why we broke up. I’m done waiting, Elliot. I have a right to know what’s happened in my life, and you owe it to me to be the one to tell me.”
He looked down at me, made eye contact and nodded once.
“After ye bathe . . . we’ll talk.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
“Turn on the water,” he urged. “I’ll just bin me underwear and put me jeans back on once I’m dry.”
I looked back down at his body and licked my lower lip. My head was conflicted about my situation, but my body was not. I was still so insanely attracted to Elliot that simply looking at him aroused me to the point of pain.
“Turn around,” Elliot suddenly growled. “I’m tryin’ me fuckin’ hardest to do the right thing, but don’t push me, Noah. There only so much restraint I can have when I know ye want me like I want you.”
Not wanting to tease him and cause further hurt, I did as he asked and turned around. He helped me, his hands holding me tightly by my waist so I wouldn’t fall.
“Christ,” he hissed. “I’ve missed your arse. Do not complain about it bein’ bigger. I love it.”
I could practically feel his eyes burning a pathway on my behind.
I clenched my jaw. “I may be married, Elliot, but I can’t deny that I want you, so don’t say another bloody word. I’ve never wanted you to touch me as much as I do right now, so let’s just focus on getting me showered. Please.”
I felt him kiss the back of my head. “You’re the boss.”
He turned the showerhead away from us then turned the water on. When the temperature was just right, he turned it back and the water washed over me like a dream. I couldn’t contain the groan that left me.