Forgetting You

“I have to say, Elliot, I never thought imagining me as your wife would make you feel sick.”

I froze as her voice drifted into the room like an icy breeze. Dread washed over me as I quickly replayed everything AJ and I had just spoken about, and my hands clenched into fists.

AJ looked over his shoulder and his eyes widened.

“Ah, bollocks. Noah, he didn’t mean any of it, he’s just under stress—”

“Please, AJ.” She cut him off shakily. “Don’t make excuses for him.”

No. No. No. No.

This wasn’t how I was supposed to tell her. I jumped to my feet, turned to face her and my stomach lurched when I saw her red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks. She’d heard everything I said. Everything. She wouldn’t have been crying otherwise.

“Noah.” I looked at her as helplessness filled me. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry—”

“AJ,” she said, offering our friend a small, sad smile. “Can you give us a minute?”

“Sure, Nono.” He seemed to tighten his hold on his can. He glanced my way then left the room, kissing the crown of Noah’s head as he passed her by. I heard the kitchen door close moments later, and I suddenly felt trapped as my girlfriend – the love of my life – stared at me with those green eyes I loved; but for once, they seemed to look right through me.

“Please,” I gulped. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to hear any of that . . . I thought ye were at work.”

“I got off early,” she answered robotically, her stance shifting. “You didn’t say you’re sorry you said it, or that you didn’t mean to say it. You’re just sorry because you didn’t mean for me to hear it.”

I had never seen that expression of hurt on Noah’s face before, and it prompted me to move to within touching distance of her. But she held up her hand and brought me to a halt right in front of her. I didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want me to touch her and that was all I wanted to do.

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop fucking saying that!”

I wasn’t surprised by her shout – she was upset, but she was becoming angry too. That was Noah’s way. She was always upset before she ever got truly angry.

“I can’t believe this,” she said to herself. “I can’t fucking believe this.”

I stared at her like a bloody eejit. I didn’t know what to say, what to do, so I stood there, unmoving, feeling like a clown, as she broke down in front of me.

“Sasanach—”

“Don’t,” she suddenly screamed, and this time I jumped. “Don’t ever call me that again. Ever.”

My lips parted as shock rippled through me at her declaration. I had always called her sasanach as an endearment and she loved it. For her to tell me never to call her it again made fear crawl down the length of my spine.

“Noah.”

She was staring up at me, tears on her face as she breathed heavily. With a shake of her head, she suddenly turned and stormed down the hallway towards our bedroom, with me following her.

“What’re ye doin’?” I shouted after her. “Talk to me, for God’s sake.”

“Like you talked to me?” she snapped, throwing a hand up into the air. “You told Ajax everything that I should have heard first. D’you have any idea how much of a fucking idiot I feel?”

She swung the bedroom door open, not caring when it slammed against the wall. I watched as she grabbed the duffle bag she used when going away for spa weekends with her mother, and my heart just about stopped. She threw it on to the bed, yanked it open, and began to grab random items of clothing and shoved them inside. I was next to her in an instant, grabbing her hands.

“Let me go!” she screamed in dismay. “Elliot, stop it!”

I wasn’t her hurting her, I knew I wasn’t, but I did as she asked.

“I’m leaving.”

“What?” I asked, dumbly. “What did ye just say?”

“What’s the point in us being together?” she shouted at me, throwing her hands up in the air. “Elliot, I thought you were going to propose to me soon.”

I felt my jaw drop. “What the hell would give ye that impression?”

“Other than the fact we’ve been together for seven years? Or that we love each other?”

“Yeah,” I snapped. “Other than those things.”

Her entire body seemed to jolt at my words, like they’d physically hurt her.

“I thought we were ready,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I thought you wanted to make me your wife.”

I couldn’t believe she was saying these things.

“Noah . . .” I ran my hand through my hair. “Just stop for a second. Marryin’ you . . . it’s not something that I can do right now. All of this shite with me parents has really fucked with me head.”