I tried to put my phone back in my pocket, but I fumbled with it and it fell to the ground. I didn’t look at it or attempt to pick it up. I couldn’t take my eyes off of the pink lilies. They were Bailey’s favourite flowers. I was too scared to walk forward so I could read the name on the golden plaque on the cross, in case it was her name printed on it.
“Please be okay, Bails,” I said, finally shuffling forward one step at a time. “Please, please, please.”
I kept my eyes on the lilies for ages, so long that I heard my name being shouted from a distance. The touch of a cool breeze startled me into reacting. I looked up in that moment and the second I read the name and date of birth on the plaque, I dropped to the ground and screamed.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
NOAH
“Noah!”
I could barely hear his voice over my cries.
“No!” I fought against the arms that suddenly surrounded me. “No! Let me go! Let me go!”
The arms around me tightened as I screamed in emotional pain. My heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest and torn apart in front of my very eyes.
“Not Bailey,” I sobbed, my fingers digging into the dirt. “Please, not my Bailey.”
I heard Elliot’s choked intake of breath as he pressed his face against the back of my head. I cried until my throat went raw with pain and until no more tears fell from my eyes. I had stopped struggling against Elliot, because I could no longer move. I felt numb to everything except the pain in my heart.
“No! Please!” I pleaded. “This isn’t real! It’s not! It’s not!”
“I’m sorry,” he said against my ear. “I’m so sorry.”
I didn’t know what he was apologising for. I couldn’t think.
“I can’t breathe.”
Elliot pulled me to my feet and looked at me. His eyes were glazed over with tears, but none fell. I stared up at him as my body trembled with fear, pain and heartache.
“Focus on me,” he said, placing his hands on either side of my face. “Just look at me, green eyes. Okay?”
“She’s gone,” I whispered, not being able to accept it. “How can she be gone?”
“She just is.” Elliot swallowed. “It doesn’t make sense, Noah. None of it does; nothin’ will ever make sense to me. She shouldn’t be buried here but she is, and there’s nothin’ we can do about it, honey.”
I lifted my hands to Elliot’s wrists, and held him tightly to keep from falling over. My leg was hurting me, and my body thrummed with pain from my head all the way down to my injured foot.
“Australia,” I blurted. “You said she was in Australia and . . . you . . . you lied to me.”
“I’m so sorry.” He exhaled. “Ye were so vulnerable, I was terrified ye’d up and die on me too if you knew. I had to lie to protect ye . . . I’m so sorry.”
He was sorry, I could see it in his eyes. He was sincere and he was hurting, likely more than I was. Bailey was his little sister; she was a massive piece of his heart.
“I should have known.” I was shaking. “I should have known that you were lying . . . How could I believe that she wouldn’t call me when I almost died? How could—”
“Sweetheart, don’t,” Elliot interrupted. “Ye had no reason not to believe me. Ye have no memory of the last five years, and ye were strugglin’ enough with the changes in your own life that ye didn’t need Bailey’s death on top of that.”
I could feel each beat my heart took, and it made me feel sick knowing mine was working and Bailey’s was not. It killed me that I was so close to her, but so far away. I’d never be able to cuddle her or laugh with her ever again.
“What happened?” I asked as I squeezed his hands. “And don’t tell me you can’t say or make an excuse . . . I want to know what happened.”
Elliot’s gaze bored into mine, and when he breathed out, I knew he was going to answer my question.
“The night of the crash, there was a London-wide blackout because of a storm. It was uncommonly cold for March – it was below freezing and the roads were a danger because of ice. You and Bailey . . . she was drivin’, she lost control, and the car flipped a few times before it hit the side of a building in Tulse Hill.”
I tried to remember what he was telling me, but there was nothing in my head, only darkness.
“I was on watch, and when we got there . . . she was already gone. The coroner’s report said she died on impact, the driver’s side hit the wall of the buildin’ first and she wasn’t wearin’ her seat belt. I didn’t care about anythin’ other than gettin’ both of you out of the car. Ye were conscious, but barely. There was blood all over ye, and you were in so much pain, honey. I thought ye were gonna die in me arms.”