My Life as the Ugly Stepsister

“That’s great!” I pushed the words out, trying for some enthusiasm. I had a lifelong problem with sounding excited. I don’t know why, but I freeze up when I know I’m supposed to gush. “I knew you could do it.”

Caroline seemed to think I did well enough. She dashed down the hall

to her room. “I have four more phone calls to make. Then we’ll catch up.”

Her door closed, and Diane came in. “I thought she’d bounce right out of the car.”

“She’s pretty happy.”

Diane’s thin fish lips curved into a smile. Her eyes lit with pride. “She sure is.”

I guess Caroline never mentioned the part about wanting to stay in Atlanta. As I walked back to my room, I realized I had several weapons I could use to make Diane feel like crap. I wouldn’t use them, but it was nice to have options.

“I’m going to run next door and check on Mojo,” I told Diane after changing into shorts.

“Tell Jonathan hello for me,” she said in this teasing voice.

For a minute, I wondered if maybe she was trying to fix me up with Jonathan. Then I realized that she was actually just trying to make me think she was cool enough to kick my dog out as part of a matchmaking scheme. Pretty crafty, but I wasn’t buying it.

I opened the gate expecting to see Jonathan and the two dogs. Since I’d be over here a lot, I needed to get used to talking to him. I could talk to one average guy, right?

But the one guy had turned into three. Jonathan had two of his buds sitting with him on the porch. Mojo was soaking up the attention from the tall blond. I wasn’t ready to face three teenage guys. I wasn’t Caroline.

“Hey, Ally,” Jonathan called. He’d probably noticed me backing toward the gate. “C’mon over and meet Dave and Colin.”

I managed to get out a “Hey,” and the two guys answered with heys of their own.

Mojo left his new best friend and ran up to me. I leaned down to hug him.

“Your dog’s cool,” Dave said.

“Thanks.” Maybe this wouldn’t be so impossible after all. The guys weren’t the least bit uncomfortable having me there. They seemed very cocky.

“So, dude,” Colin said. “She’s here now, so can we hit the PS3?”

Jonathan turned to me and back to his friends.

“I’ll take over here,” I said. “I’ll make sure these guys,” I gestured to the dogs, “are okay.”

“Thanks,” Jonathan said with relief.

Was he relieved because he didn’t have to stall his friends any more or because he could ditch me?

They went inside and I picked up the discarded tennis ball. I threw it, and Buddy got there first. Instead of bringing it back to me, he ran in circles while Mojo chased him barking at the top of his lungs. They were having a blast, but my head was starting to pound. My dog was really causing a commotion.

I heard the sliding glass door behind me and thought Jonathan had returned. Instead, I found Ben slipping out the door.

“What are they doing?” he asked in his baby-like voice as he tugged at his Spiderman t-shirt. “They’re driving me crazy.”

I laughed at his pained expression. “I think they’re playing keep away.”

Buddy finally noticed Ben and ran over to greet him. Mojo took advantage of his distraction by stealing the ball. Buddy ran after him barking like Mojo had done.

“Ouch,” Ben said.

At least this time it was his dog making the noise.

“Dad was right,” the little boy said. “Two dogs are a lot louder than one.”

Ouch.

Chapter Seven

Boys get distracted and confused by breasts. Even old wrinkly ones.

—Ally’s Brutal Teen Truths

When Diane had come over to fetch me for dinner, Jonathan and his friends had been out shooting hoops. I was glad they made enough noise to drown out some from the backyard.

She opened the gate a crack and called my name. I petted Mojo and told him I’d be back after dinner. He ran off after Buddy, so I figured he was okay.

When I got to the driveway, I saw that Diane was flirting with, I mean, talking to the guys. Jonathan was being all polite to her. Dave and Colin were staring at her cleavage, blushing, looking away, and then staring again.

Eewww! And I’d been worried that they’d think I was a loser. Hello! Big losers. Totally leering at Diane’s old lady boobs. Gross!

“Hi, Ally. I was just telling Jonathan here how much we appreciate his help with Momo.”

“Mojo,” I muttered.

Jonathan glanced at me then back at Diane, and I could see that he was working really hard to keep his eyes trained on her face. The way she was dressed, you almost had to look at her breasts. Even I had found myself ogling them, and I had zero interest. Mine were much nicer. The wrinkly skin above them really turned me off. Puke.

“See you guys later,” I said and hurried past Diane to the house. Talk about a creepy situation.

Diane made grilled chicken. It looked way too pink to me, so I just cut it up and moved it around to look like I ate it. No way was I getting salmonella for this woman.

“Caroline,” Diane said, after chewing her piece of chicken for a long time. “My friend Susan has a kitten she’s trying to give away.”

“You hate cats,” Caroline said.

“I was just thinking that it’s too bad you don’t have a pet.”

Caroline put down her fork and said in this firm voice, “But you’re allergic, remember?”

“Well, yes,” Diane said, sounding strange. “Cats don’t bother me as much as dogs. There’s something different about the dander. But I was thinking maybe one of your friends could take it. The kitten.”

Huh? Had Diane really just tried to talk Caroline into a cat? I pretended I hadn’t heard the conversation. I was really glad I hadn’t made an effort to eat the chicken.

After dinner, I spent two hours doing my homework and getting ready for school the next day. Mom had put most of my stuff away, so I had to hunt down my hairbrush. I found it in the desk drawer. As if that made any sense.

I checked my email and replied to MC and Madison. I was beginning to understand why guys were so freaked out about their penis size. At least, Cosmo said they were. I’d gotten so much spam about it that I was starting to feel inadequate. And I didn’t even have a penis. No wonder guys were so messed up. I checked out the new pictures on MC’s Facebook and left Madison a message that I loved her new background. I had to dodge a few more weirdos. The coolest part about the whole site is the free music.

After shutting down my laptop, I went out to check on Mojo. He wasn’t as happy as he’d been earlier. Buddy wasn’t either. He was whining at the back door. They probably usually let him in the house by then.

At ten-thirty I showered, changed into clean shorts and a t-shirt, my usual PJ’s, and slipped beneath the yellow coverlet. I closed my eyes as my head sank into my soft pillow. I tried not to think of my poor lonely dog. I didn’t buy the allergy excuse. The flowery fragrance of Diane’s laundry detergent and ever present air freshener made my nose itch. How could she breathe it in all the time if she really had allergy problems? The cat thing was the last straw. No way was she suggesting Caroline’s friends take the kitten. I didn’t know anybody who was allergic to dogs but not cats. As my nasal passages threatened to seal shut, I couldn’t help picturing Mojo’s sad face as he realized I was leaving him tonight.

I’d never had to deal with this much crap at once. School starting should have been a big enough stressor. Staying here, missing my dog, worrying about my mom, avoiding my stepmother…It was a bit much for a high school freshman.

I gave up at eleven-thirty when Buddy and Mojo started barking incessantly. I grabbed my cell phone just in case somebody called. My friends usually avoided calling me in the middle of the night because I get really grumpy when somebody interrupts my sleep. I opened the door to my room and listened for a moment. I didn’t hear a thing. I’d already said goodnight anyway so Diane wouldn’t come looking for me. Surely my luck wasn’t so bad that I’d run into her on my way out the door.

Since the front door squeaks, I crept out the back. I walked around to the front yard and opened the gate to Jonathan’s yard. The loud sort of chirping, buzzing sound from the woods b

ehind the house covered the sound of the wood scraping as I opened the gate. Vicious barking came toward me at an alarming speed until Buddy and Mojo realized it was me.

“Hey, boys,” I said, taking care to pet both of them. I talked puppy talk to them for a few minutes and then went and sat in one of the chairs on the back porch. Mojo sat right against my right leg and Buddy my left. The night was warm and calm, and I wasn’t freaked out by the darkness with two dogs to protect me. Not that they would. They’d both probably give a murderer big sloppy kisses as he chased me around the yard. Still, it was comforting in a strange way. I felt peaceful. I never felt that way in my room at my dad’s.

The darkness grew blacker, and the buzz of chirping from the woods grew louder. Whatever it was, turned out to be comforting. Me and the dogs just chilled. I didn’t hear anything from inside the house. The family room was dark inside the sliding glass door. I wondered which room was Jonathan’s. Was he in there asleep? Or was he tossing and turning like I had been?

Eventually, I stopped petting the dogs and they lay down at my feet and dozed. My mind drifted to school and the new kids, and English class where I didn’t know anybody to sit with. I knew a few kids but none I liked. I wished I could just snuggle up with Mojo in my room at home. My butt was falling asleep in the hard chair, and I would have loved to stretch out. I squirmed a little, thinking how tired I was going to be in the morning. Hopefully dark circles under the eyes were considered cool.

Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

Finally I realized no blood was circulating in my rear end. I didn’t want to end up with a butt cheek amputation, so I pulled myself up and stood. The dogs immediately came to attention.

“Sorry, Mojo,” I said with a yawn. “I’ve got to go to bed. You stay here with Buddy.”

I petted each of them one last time and walked toward the gate. They ran along with me hoping to play. Until I got close enough to the gate that they figured it out.

Mojo started whining and Buddy barked at me. Mojo joined in the barking.

“No. Shhhh.”

They didn’t shush.