My Life as the Ugly Stepsister

I’d grown accustomed to the chirping noise, but it stopped and suddenly started again. “What is that buzzing noise anyway?”

“Frogs,” Jonathan answered. “The woods are full of them.”

“They must be to make that much noise. How’d you know that?”

“Two years in the Boy Scouts.”

I’d done a year in the Girl Scouts, but it wasn’t my thing. “You’d think they’d stop being sexist by now, and just have Scouts.”

“No way,” Jonathan said in a teasing voice. “Girls have cooties. Besides, girls can join the Boy Scouts in high school. There’s a branch called the Explorers.”

Coed Boy Scouts? I’d never heard of it. “So they like go camping and hiking and stuff.”

“Yes. You could join. My friend Colin goes on hikes all the time.”

Uh, yeah. “I’m not actually that into camping and hiking.”

“Then why were you complaining?”

“I just think girls should have the choice. Do you know what the Girl Scouts is like? Cookies, crafts, and singing songs in rounds just didn’t do it for me. That doesn’t mean I want to sleep with the snakes and bugs.”

“You’re sleeping outside right now,” Jonathan pointed out.

“Yeah, but I’m steps away from air conditioning and bathrooms, and cold beverages.”

“That’s true.”

“Plus, you can’t take your dogs camping with the Scouts.” I scratched behind Buddy’s ears.

“True,” he said looking over at the dogs. “They look pretty cozy cuddled up with you.” And I thought I heard him murmur, “Lucky dogs.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

A wide grin nearly split my face. He had said it.

“Ally?”

“Yeah?”

“Good night.”

I pulled the covers up to my chin and tried to stop smiling. “Good night, Jonathan.”

Loud barking penetrated my sleepy fog and I opened my eyes to see that it was daylight. I squinted at the brightness. I must have left my blinds open. My roof open? I was outside?

“Buddy doesn’t like it when people walk or jog by our house,” a deep voice said from next to me.

What the—. I heard some kind of squeaking sound coming from myself. Then I remembered. Jonathan, the dogs, slept on the porch. I turned my head to see Jonathan sitting up on the cot facing me.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said swiping at his eyes.

“Uh, no.” I struggled to sit up, swung my legs to the ground sending the swing creaking and swaying, and perched on the edge for a moment.

The barking got really vicious.

“Somebody must be walking their dog,” Jonathan said. “Buddy really hates that.”

“What time is it?” I reached for my cell phone even as I asked.

Five forty seven. “I better run. Your parents aren’t up yet?” I did not want to see what they thought of our sleeping arrangements.

“No. I don’t think so.”

I pushed the woven blanket aside and jumped up. The cover was a peculiar shade of orange. When my breasts started jiggling from the sudden movement, it hit me that I wasn’t wearing a bra. I was braless and standing right next to a boy. I crossed my arms over my chest, but Jonathan hadn’t noticed. He was already grabbing the cot and folding it up.

“Go on home, and I’ll stash this stuff.”

“Thanks, Jonathan.” I took off at a run for the gate. The dogs chased me, abandoning their campaign against the joggers. Leaning down, I gave each of them a pseudo-hug. “I’ll be back after school,” I said to Mojo. Then using my leg to hold them back, I went out the gate.

The last thing we needed was two dogs running loose through the neighborhood. Especially when neither would come when we called.

Chapter Eight

When you have to buy tampons, there will always be a hot, young guy at the register.

–Ally’s Brutal Teen Truths

Twenty seconds later I slipped in through the back door and hit the stairs at a run. I was at the hall bathroom when the door to my dad’s room started to open. I darted into the bathroom and started the shower to avoid discovery. But as long as I was there I may as well wash all the dog hair off.

As I shampooed my hair with Caroline’s expensive shampoo, I tried to wrap my mind around my life. This had to be the weirdest morning. I’d slept outside with a boy. So far I hadn’t gotten busted, and it was fun. Hanging out with Jonathan, and our dogs of course, was pretty cool.

The thing that I didn’t quite get was why Jonathan had come outside with me. He didn’t have to. Did it mean something? At the very least, it meant that he was a good guy right? And if it meant more? What did it mean? I’d never been friends with a guy. And a guy had never liked me. Well one had, but I hadn’t liked him back. For one thing, he was even more of a nerd than me. And for another, it made me way nervous that he liked me.

But anyway, Jonathan was not a nerd. He was a total hottie. I finished in the shower and grabbed my robe from the hook on the bathroom door. I’d had Mom buy me one after the Naked Incident with Diane. Maybe she’d learn from my example of modesty. Oh, crap and there was that grotesque image again.

Ewww.

I grabbed my cell out of the drawer where I’d put it to minimize the impact of all the steam. Then I headed to my room. Diane passed me in the hall.

“Good grief, Ally. I thought Caroline was bad. Even she doesn’t take her cell phone in the shower with her.”

I just smiled like she was being funny. I’d had next to no sleep, but I didn’t feel tired. I felt excited and special. I was so developing a big crush on Jonathan. He was extra cute in the morning with his husky voice and tousled hair.

I closed the door and sat down on the bed. Ooh. Soft. Too bad I couldn’t move it out to the yard next door.

Or move Mojo in here. And that was what was really bothering me. Last night was way cool. Was I going to have to tone down my outrage at Diane? After all, her ridiculous allergies were the reason I’d seen Jonathan. Last night. This morning. Almost every time come to think of it.

A tap on my door barely registered before a bleary-eyed Caroline came in. “G’morning.”

“Hi.”

“Oh good,” she said as she took in my robe and wet hair. “You already showered. I wanted to be sure we both had enough time in the bathroom. Did you bring your blow-dryer, or do you need mine?”

I hadn’t bothered with things I’d known she’d already have. “No. I need yours. Sorry. I usually don’t wash my hair in the morning so I wasn’t thinking.”

Caroline sighed. “I guess we’re going to have to get up this early every day.”

“I’m not really a morning person,” I admitted.

“Me neither,” she said before giving in to a huge yawn. “I’m jumping in the shower. I’ll leave the door unlocked in case you need something.”

“Thanks.” The downstairs bath in the laundry room wasn’t conducive to getting ready.

I dressed in my uniform and got the blow dryer from the bathroom. I sat at the desk and dried my hair. When Caroline got out of the shower, I did the whole wash your fa

ce brush your teeth thing. Caroline appeared in the bathroom door in a cute t-shirt and jeans. She pulled out three different brushes and got to work.

Caroline either had some natural talent for make-up and hair, or she’d snuck into a L’Oreal training program one summer. Maybe the whole modeling thing she’d done had hooked her up with some training. She’d said the whole print ad thing was boring and time-consuming, so she’d quit. Whatever the reason for her skills, she put me to shame. My half of the counter held one hairbrush (I mean really shouldn’t one be enough?), a toothbrush, face wash, blush, eyeliner (which I rarely used), and lip gloss. Applying eye shadow was far beyond my capabilities. Sure, it looked easy, but it wasn’t.

My hair looked great though. Her snazzy shampoo really did the trick. I watched Caroline as she finished her hair and started on her makeup. She didn’t just put on base, blush, eye shadow, eyeliner, and three different lipsticks. She did some kind of shading and blending thing. Had she learned this from her mother? Because it really wasn’t working out that well for Diane. She looked hideous even with all the makeup.

“You can use anything you want,” Caroline said, not for the first time since I’d known her. She selected some eye shadow and lipstick. “These would look good on you.”

“I’m not all that good at putting on eye shadow.”

“Oh, well I know all kinds of tricks. I can show you, maybe tonight?”

“Okay. I guess I’ll grab some cereal.”

Caroline laughed. “Oh, no you won’t. Mom’s on a new kick. She’s cooking.”

We walked into the kitchen together to see Diane wearing…an apron?

“Hi girls,” she said wielding her spatula. “I made soy sausage patties and egg-beaters. And wheat toast.” She smiled like she’d done something amazing. “Sit down.”

We each took a seat at the kitchen table and she served us some shriveled up egg-looking things and fake sausage. The sausage wasn’t bad. The eggs…I wouldn’t have fed them to Mojo.

I wouldn’t have fed them to Diane.

We all piled into Diane’s Land Rover. She chatted about some guy coming to buy her kiln and pottery wheel. I resisted the urge to ask how much of my college fund she’d wasted on making the two crappy, crooked pots that cluttered the shelf over the stove. We dropped off Caroline first. I searched for a glimpse of Jonathan but of course he wasn’t among the sea of students outside Plum High.