“Can’t I just come in here to say hi?”
“I just left you like two seconds ago.” Sneak! She planted her fine ass in my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck, giving me that look that makes me stupid.
“I love you!” Aw shit!
“I love you too, what do you want?” She put her head on my shoulder and sighed but there were no zingers forthcoming thank fuck.
“I just wanted to smell you a little bit longer.” See what I mean? If she’d asked me for anything in the next ten seconds it would’ve been hers. Thankfully for my peace of mine she didn’t know that shit.
“Where’s your monster?”
“Who?”
“We got more than one around here?”
“Colton, I wish you’d leave poor Catalina alone, she’s such a sweet misunderstood baby.”
“My ass, she’s running a campaign to record people’s childbirth, the fuck she gonna do with that shit?”
She got up off my lap with a huff. “She’s just curious her mind’s a little different Colton, that’s why the teacher wants her to go to…” I held up my hand to stop her right there. “Not that shit again.” Mengele and her shit, has these people fooled into thinking she’s some genius.
The damn half a horse she calls a dog came waltzing his ass into my office. His ass is always in here no matter how often I kick him out. Kat patted him and he just stood there and let her while giving me looks. I’ll leave his ass in the woods out back one of these days if he don’t stop his shit.
I saw his owner’s shadow slinking around outside my damn office door. The fuck she want? “Mengele come and get this damn dog before I have him stuffed and mounted.”
“DADDY.” She barged into the room.
“What’s your problem?”
“Do you know a lot of the stuff you say is politically incorrect? I can get into a lot of trouble at school if I repeat half of the things you say.” It was the look in her eye that had me catching on.
“That sounds like a threat to me. Kat that sound like a threat to you?”
“I don’t know Colt, I wish you two would give me a break from your daily scuffle.”
“PMS or you lost your damn mind? Oh yeah PMS I know that look anywhere. Come on kid let’s go before this one commits murder.” Her miserable ass. Wait, what the fuck, this is my office.
I got hoodwinked into playing catch with the damn dog out in the backyard while Mengele asked me everything about Dana-Sue’s labor.
“Is she saving the umbilical cord? I told her to.” The fuck!
Where the fuck did this kid come from? She’s not like me, or her mom, the pothead claims she gets it from him. I personally think Kat was getting into his stash or some fuck when she was carrying her. The other kids are smart too, but her shit is on a whole other level.
“Mengele what do you know about that stuff?”
“It’s for stem cell research daddy, I read it in grandpa Daniel’s book.”
“What happened to the book of bedtime stories I got you?”
She rolled her eyes and gave me the ‘daddy’s stupid’ look. “I gave it to Cody.” I left her playing with the dog and headed back inside, not in the mood to deal with her shit right now I got shit to do.
I’d just rested my head back against the chair after going over the books for the shop when my world was interrupted once again.
“WHAT THE HELL?” I hit the ground running at her scream.
“KAT?” I know her screams. This one didn’t say danger as much as it did shock. I thought for sure Mengele was up to some shit but she was nowhere in sight when I reached the hallway and my screaming wife was standing in the doorway of the twins’ room. Sixteen going on seventeen and they still refuse to be separated.
“What baby damn, who’s hurt?” She pointed into the room and scared the fuck outta me. I walked over to see what the two little fucks were up to and came up short. “Well fuck. Kat, baby, look at me.” I took her face between my hands and looked down at her. She was in shock.
“Go to our room, I’ll take care of this and then I’ll come to you.” She walked away in a trance. I turned to the three occupants in the room who were still scrambling to get dressed.
“Young lady do you mind getting dressed and waiting for me downstairs? If you leave before I get there I will call your parents.” She hurried into the rest of her clothes and hit the door running while I looked the other way.
What the fuck am I supposed to do with this shit? I looked at the two overgrown louts in my house. They’d just got matching tattoos from their aunt and uncle for their birthdays and their mother had thrown a fit.