But as much as it hurt me to hurt her I had to do it, so there was no way to spare her this heartache. I have to remember not to sign shit before I read it though just in case her sneaky ass mother and nosy grandmothers tried an end run.
She and her mother have no idea of the shit I’d just gone through to keep her safe and they never will. If she hates me for the rest of her life for this, I’ll take it. I’d rather have that than her coffin any fucking day. Though to be honest that’s just the excuse I use. I was never gonna let her go, not yet, not this soon, fuck.
“I can’t let you go baby.”
“But daddy, why? I passed, I can go; I’m a whole year older than last time.”
“I know baby, you did good; you got all the grades, aced the SATs; but that’s book smarts. I didn’t teach you well enough how to protect yourself away from home.”
And those lessons would be starting at about the time you reach age twenty-five. Her little face crumbled and I rubbed the pain in my gut. She didn’t even try to argue with me, which I’m not sure is a good thing or bad. She just stood there with her head down while I looked on feeling like the worst kind of monster for crushing her dreams once again.
It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do in our relationship, her and I, when I turned and walked out the door. I heard the first sob when I reached the end of the hallway and my knees went weak. I balled my fists and kept moving. It’s for her own good Colt, nothing you can do.
I locked myself in my office and called the one person who knows the ins and outs of my life. I gave him a quick rundown and he listened without interruption until I got it all out. Not like he didn’t know about it, I’m sure Kat had spent more than enough time bitching to him about it already as she does each time she gets mad at me.
“Fuck Jared, I can’t give her what she wants and it’s killing me. Her fucking mother keeps looking at me with those eyes of hers like I’d gutted her or some fuck.”
“Why don’t you just tell Kat the truth?”
“Are you bent you fuck? I’ve spent the last seventeen years sheltering her from all the fuckery and you want me to burden her with this shit?”
We just came back from the desert after taking out part of the masterminds behind the whole child trafficking shit, but there are still a lot more people out there that need to be dealt with.
Knowing that shit’s going on, even though the ones directly involved with wanting to harm her are gone, her face was still in that damn book. Who knows how many sickos saw my kid in that shit?
“I’m caught between a rock and a hard place here Jared, because I can’t tell her or her mother the truth, and so I have to break her heart and take the hit. But I’d rather she be alive and hating me, than to give her her way and she end up dead or hurt.”
“Still, as a father it hurt me to my soul to see that look on her face.” Which only pisses me off even more at the assholes behind this shit. If their asses didn’t exist, I wouldn’t have to disappoint my kid.
“You know your kids understand especially Caitlin. You’ve done a good job raising them and she’s smart. She may not know why you said no but I’ll bet you anything that she doesn’t blame you. She’ll be mad for a while but she’ll get over it. And there’s always next year. It just means we have to take care of these fucks between now and then right.”
I know he was trying to make me feel better about the decision I’d just made but I don’t think anything could. Now I have to go deal with my wife who I’m sure is going to tear me another asshole for hurting her kid. Fuck!
CAITLIN
I sat on my bed, numb from the shock. I wasn’t sure if my heart was broken or not, I couldn’t feel my heart. I was in turns angry and afraid. Angry because I wasn’t getting my way, and in a way, scared for the same reason.
I know my daddy, he’s gruff and bossy with everyone and I know most people who don’t know him would never believe what a big softie he is. But as his firstborn I know him, and I know that he would never deny me something I really want, and he knows how much I want this.