"But the doorman didn't spot him," Violet insisted. "He was in disguise."
"And Olaf would dare to go anywhere to find us," Klaus added. "It doesn't matter how fancy the neighborhood is."
Jerome looked uncomfortably at the children. "Please don't argue with me," he said. "I can't stand arguing."
"But sometimes it's useful and necessary to argue," Violet said.
"I can't think of a single argument that would be useful or necessary," Jerome said. "For instance, Esmé made reservations for us here at Café Salmonella, and I can't stand the taste of salmon. I could have argued with her about that, of course, but why would it be useful?"
"Well, you could have had a dinner that you enjoyed," Klaus said.
Jerome shook his head. "Someday, when you're older, you'll understand," he said. "In the meantime, do you remember which salmon is our waiter? It's close to your bedtime, and I'd like to pay the bill and take you home."
The Baudelaire orphans looked at one another in frustration and sadness. They were frustrated from trying to convince Jerome of Gunther's true identity, and they were sad because they knew it was no use to keep on trying. They scarcely said another word as Jerome ushered them out of Café Salmonella and into a taxicab that drove them out of the Fish District to 667 Dark Avenue. On the way, the taxicab passed the beach where the Baudelaires had first heard the terrible news about the fire, a time that seemed in the very, very distant past, even though it had not been all that long ago, and as the children stared out the window at the ocean waves rippling along the dark, dark beach, they missed their parents more than ever. If the Baudelaire parents had been alive, they would have listened to their children. They would have believed them when they told them who Gunther really was. But what made the Baudelaires saddest of all was the fact that if the Baudelaire parents had been alive, the three siblings would not even know who Count Olaf was, let alone be the objects of his treacherous and greedy plans. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny sat in the taxi and stared mournfully out the window, and they wished with all their might that they could return to the time when their lives were happy and carefree.
"You're back already?" the doorman asked, as he opened the door of the taxi with a hand still hidden in the sleeve of his coat. "Mrs. Squalor said that you were not supposed to return until your guest left the penthouse, and he hasn't come down yet."
Jerome looked at his watch and frowned. "It's quite late," he said. "The children should be in bed soon. I'm sure if we're very quiet, we won't disturb them."
"I had very strict instructions," the doorman said. "Nobody is supposed to enter the penthouse apartment until the guest leaves the building, which he definitely has not done."
"I don't want to argue with you," Jerome said. "But perhaps he's on his way down now. It takes a long time to get down all those stairs, unless you're sliding down the banister. So it might be O.K. for us to go up."
"I never thought of that," the doorman said, scratching his chin with his sleeve. "All right, I guess you can go up. Maybe you'll run into him on the stairs."
The Baudelaire children looked at one another. They weren't sure which made them more nervous--the idea that Gunther had spent so much time in the Squalor penthouse, or the idea that they might meet him as he came down the stairs. "Maybe we should wait for Gunther to leave," Violet said. "We don't want the doorman to get in trouble."
"No, no," Jerome decided. "We'd best start the climb or we'll be too tired to reach the top. Sunny, be sure to let me know when you want me to carry you."
They walked into the lobby of the building and were surprised to see that it had been completely redecorated while they were at dinner. All the walls were painted blue, and the floor was covered in sand, with a few seashells scattered in the corners.
"Ocean decorating is in," the doorman explained. "I just got the phone call today. By tomorrow, the lobby will be filled with underwater scenery."
"I wish we'd known about this earlier," Jerome said. "We would have brought something back from the Fish District."
"Oh, I wish you had," the doorman said. "Everybody wants ocean decorations now, and they're getting hard to find."
"There are sure to be some ocean decorations for sale at the In Auction," Jerome said, as he and the Baudelaires reached the beginning of the stairway. "Maybe you should stop by and purchase something for the lobby."
"Maybe I will," the doorman said, smiling oddly at the children. "Maybe I will. Have a good evening, folks."
The Baudelaires said good night to the doorman, and began the long climb up the stairs. Up and up and up they climbed, and they passed a number of people who were on their way down, but although all of them were in pinstripe suits, none of them were Gunther. As the children climbed higher and higher, the people going down the stairs looked more and more tired, and each time the Baudelaires passed an apartment door, they heard the sounds of people getting ready for bed. On the seventeenth floor, they heard somebody ask their mother where the bubble bath was. On the thirty-eighth floor, they heard the sounds of somebody brushing their teeth. And on a floor very high up--the children had lost count again, but it must have been quite high, because Jerome was carrying Sunny--they heard someone with a deep, deep voice, reading a children's story out loud. All these sounds made them sleepier and sleepier, and by the time they reached the top floor the Baudelaire orphans were so tired it felt as if they were sleepwalking, or, in Sunny's case, being sleep-carried. They were so tired that they almost dozed off, leaning against the two sets of sliding elevator doors, as Jerome unlocked the front door. And they were so tired that it seemed as if Gunther's appearance had been a dream, because when they asked about him, Esmé replied that he had left a long time ago.
"Gunther left?" Violet asked. "But the doorman said that he was still here."
"Oh, no," Esmé said. "He dropped off a catalog of all the items for the In Auction. It's in the library if you want to look at it. We went over some auctioneering details, and then he went home."
"But that can't be," Jerome said.
"Of course it can be," Esmé replied. "He walked right out the front door."
The Baudelaires looked at one another in confusion and suspicion. How had Gunther managed to leave the penthouse without be
ing spotted? "Did he take an elevator when he left?" Klaus said.
Esmé's eyes widened, and she opened and shut her mouth several times without saying anything, as if she were experiencing the element of surprise. "No," she said finally. "The elevator's been shut down. You know that."
"But the doorman said he was still here," Violet said again. "And we didn't see him when we walked up the stairs."
"Well, then the doorman was wrong," Esmé said. "But let's not have any more of this somniferous conversation. Jerome, put them right to bed."
The Baudelaires looked at one another. They didn't think the conversation was at all somniferous, a fancy word for something that is so boring it puts you to sleep. Despite their exhausting climb, the children did not feel the least bit tired when they were talking about Gunther's whereabouts. The idea that he had managed to disappear as mysteriously as he had appeared made them too anxious to be sleepy. But the three siblings knew that they would not be able to convince the Squalors to discuss it any further, any more than they had been able to convince them that Gunther was Count Olaf instead of an in auctioneer, so they said good night to Esmé and followed Jerome across three ballrooms, past a breakfast room, through two sitting rooms, and eventually to their own bedrooms.
"Good night, children," Jerome said, and smiled. "The three of you will probably sleep like logs, after all that climbing. I don't mean that you resemble parts of trees, of course. I just mean that once you get into bed, I bet you'll fall right asleep and won't move any more than a log does."
"We know what you meant, Jerome," Klaus replied, "and I hope you're right. Good night."
Jerome smiled at the children, and the children smiled back, and then looked at each other once more before walking into their bedrooms and shutting the doors behind them. The children knew that they would not sleep like logs, unless there were certain logs that tossed and turned all night wondering things. The siblings wondered where Gunther was hiding, and how he had managed to find them, and what terrible treachery he was dreaming up. They wondered where the Quagmire triplets were, since Gunther had time to prey on the Baudelaires. And they wondered what V.F.D. could mean, and if it would help them with Gunther if they knew.