"No one cares about interesting questions!" Olaf said. "Type it in this instant!"
Klaus smiled, and began typing furiously into the typewriter keyboard. His sisters stepped forward, and each of them put a hand on their brother's shoulder.
"Why do this?" Sunny asked.
"Sunny's right," Violet said. "Why are you helping Olaf get into the laundry room?"
The middle Baudelaire typed the last word into the keyboard, which was "T-O-P-P-L-I-N-G," and then looked at his sisters. "Because the sugar bowl isn't there," he said, and pushed open the door.
"What do you mean?" Count Olaf demanded. "Of course the sugar bowl is in there!"
"I'm afraid Olaf is right," Justice Strauss said. "You heard what Dewey said. When the crows were shot with the harpoon gun, they fell onto the birdpaper and dropped the sugar bowl into the funnel."
"So it would appear," Klaus said slyly.
"Enough nonsense!" Count Olaf shouted, waving his harpoon gun in the air and stomping into the laundry room. In just a few moments, however, it was clear that the middle Baudelaire had spoken the truth. The laundry room of the Hotel Denouement was very small, just large enough to hold a few washing and drying machines, some piles of dirty sheets, and a few plastic jugs of what were presumably some extremely flammable chemicals, just as Dewey had said. A metal tube hung over one corner of the ceiling, allowing steam from the machines to float up the tube and outside, but there was no sign that a sugar bowl had fallen through the funnel and dropped out the metal tube to the wooden floor of the laundry room. With a hoarse, angry roar, Count Olaf opened the doors of the washing and drying machines and slammed them closed, and then picked up the piles of dirty sheets and sent them tumbling onto the floor.
"Where is it?" he snarled, drops of spit flying from his furious mouth. "Where's the sugar bowl?"
"It's a secret," Klaus said. "A secret that died with Dewey Denouement."
Count Olaf turned to face the Baudelaire orphans, who had never seen him look this frightening. His eyes had never gleamed as brightly, and his smile had never been as peccant, a word which here means "so hungry for evil deeds as to be unhealthy." It was not unlike the face of Dewey had been as he sank into the water, as if the villain's own wickedness was causing him great pain. "He won't be the only volunteer who dies today," he said, in a terrible whisper. "I'll destroy every soul in his hotel, sugar bowl or no sugar bowl. I'll unleash the Medusoid Mycelium, and volunteers and villains alike will perish in agony. My comrades have failed me as often as my enemies, and I'm eager to be rid of them. Then I'll push that boat off the roof, and sail away with-"
"You can't push that boat off the roof," Violet said. "It would never survive the fall, due to the force of gravity."
"I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies," Olaf muttered.
"I'll get that boat off the roof," Violet said calmly, and her siblings looked at her in astonishment. Justice Strauss looked at her in amazement. Even Count Olaf seemed a little puzzled.
"You will?" he asked.
"Certainly," Violet said. "It's just like you said, Count Olaf. Every noble person has failed us. Why shouldn't we help you escape?"
"Violet!" Klaus and Sunny cried, in simultaneous astonishment.
"No!" Justice Strauss cried, in solitary amazement.
Count Olaf still looked puzzled, but gave the eldest Baudelaire a shrug. "O.K.," he said. "What do you need?"
"A few of those dirty sheets," Violet said. "I'll tie them together and make a drag chute, just like I did in the Mortmain Mountains when I stopped the caravan from falling off the mountain."
"I always wondered how you did that," Olaf said, looking at the eldest Baudelaire as if he respected her inventing skills. Violet walked into the laundry room and gathered some sheets into her arms, trying to choose the least dirty of the bunch.
"Let's go to the roof," she said quietly Her siblings stepped forward, and each of them put a hand on their sister's shoulder.
"Why do this?" Sunny asked.
"Sunny's right," Klaus said. "Why are you helping Olaf escape?"
The eldest Baudelaire looked at the sheets in her hand, and then at her siblings. "Because he'll take us with him," she said.
"Why would I do that?" Olaf asked.
"Because you need more than a one-person crew," Violet said slyly, "and we need to leave this hotel without being spotted by the authorities."
"I suppose that's true," Olaf said. "Well, you would have ended up in my clutches in any case. Come along."
"Not yet," Sunny said. "One more thing."
Everyone stared at the youngest Baudelaire, who was wearing an expression so unfathomable that even her siblings could not tell what she was thinking. "One more thing?" Count Olaf repeated, staring down at Sunny. "What could that be?"
The two eldest Baudelaires looked at their sister, and felt a cold ripple in their stomachs, as if a stone had somehow been dropped straight into the siblings. It is very difficult to make one's way in this world without being wicked at one time or another, when the world's way is so wicked to begin with. When unfathomable situations arose in the lives of the Baudelaires, and they did not know what to do, the children often felt as if they were balancing very delicately on top of something very fragile and very dangerous, and that if they weren't careful they might fall a very long way into a sea of wickedness. Violet felt this delicate balance when she offered to help Count Olaf escape, even though it meant that she and her siblings could escape, too, and Klaus felt this delicate balance when he helped Olaf unlock the laundry room door, even though the sugar bowl was not to be found inside. And of course, all three Baudelaire orphans felt this delicate balance when they thought about Dewey Denouement, and that terrible instant when the weapon in their hands brought about his death. But as Sunny answered Count Olaf's question, the clock of the Hotel Denouement struck two Wrong!s, and her siblings wondered if they had lost their balance at last and were tumbling away from all the noble people in the world.
"Burn down hotel," Sunny said, and all three Baudelaire orphans felt as if they were falling.
CHAPTER Thirteen
"Ha!" Count Olaf crowed. "This takes the cake!" He was using an expression which here means "I find this especially amusing and outrageous!" although Dewey Denouement's underwater catalog contains a list of twenty-seven cakes that alog contains a list of twenty-seven cakes that although Dewey Denouement'sunberwater cat-find this especially amusing and ontrageous!" He was using an expression which here means "I
"Ha!' Count Olaf crowed. "This takes the case!"
Thirteen CHAPTER
Olaf has stolen. With a look of treacherous glee he reached down and patted Sunny Baudelaire on the head, using the hand that wasn't clutching the harpoon gun. "Aft
er all this time, the littlest orphan wants to follow in my footsteps!" he cried. "I knew I was a good guardian after all!"
"You're not a good guardian," Violet said, "and Sunny's not an arsonist. My sister doesn't know what she's saying."
"Burn down hotel," Sunny insisted.
"Are you feeling all right, Sunny?" Klaus asked, peering into his sister's eyes. He was worried that the Medusoid Mycelium, which had threatened the life of the youngest Baudelaire just days ago, was affecting her in some sinister way. Klaus had researched a way to dilute the treacherous fungus, but he wondered now if dilution was not enough.
"I feel fine," Sunny said. "Burn down hotel."
"That's my girl!" Count Olaf cried. "I only wish Carmelita had your spunk! With all the errands I had to do, burning down this hotel hadn't even occurred to me. But even when you're very busy, you should always take time for your hobbies."
"Your hobbies," Justice Strauss said, "are nothing but villainy, Count Olaf. The Baudelaires may want to join you in wickedness, but I'll do anything in my power to stop you."
"There's nothing in your power," Olaf sneered. "Your fellow judges are comrades of mine, your fellow volunteers are running around the lobby of this hotel wearing blindfolds, and I have the harpoon gun."
"I have a comprehensive history of injustice!" Justice Strauss cried. "This book should be good for something!"
The villain did not continue his argument, but merely pointed the weapon at the judge. "You orphans will start the fire here in the laundry room," he said, "while I make sure Justice Strauss doesn't stop us."
"Yes, sir," Sunny said, and reached for her siblings' hands.
"No!" Justice Strauss cried.
"Why are you doing this, Sunny?" Violet asked her sister. "You're going to hurt innocent people!"
"Why are you helping Count Olaf burn down this building?" Klaus cried.
Sunny looked at the laundry room, and then up at her siblings. In silence, she shook her head, as if this were not the time to discuss such matters. "Help me," she said, and she did not have to say anything more. Although Violet and Klaus found their sister's actions unfathomable, they followed her into the laundry room as Olaf uttered a succinct laugh of triumph.