"This is more fun than kidnapping!" said the bald associate of Olaf's, who was shaking with laughter. "Lulu, this freak will have people coming from miles around to watch, and all it will cost you is an ear of corn!"
"Is true, please," Madame Lulu agreed, and looked down at Violet and Klaus. "The crowd loves sloppy eating," she said. "You are hired for House of Freaks show."
"How about that other one?" Esmé asked, giggling and wiping buttermilk from her upper lip. "What is that freak, some sort of living scarf?"
"Chabo!" Sunny said to her siblings. She meant something like, "I know this is humiliating, but at least our disguises are working!" but Violet was quick to disguise her translation.
"This is Chabo the Wolf Baby," she said, in her low voice. "Her mother was a hunter who fell in love with a handsome wolf, and this is their poor child."
"I didn't even know that was possible," said the hook-handed man.
"Grr," Sunny growled.
"It might be funny to watch her eat corn too," said the bald man, and he grabbed another ear of corn and waved it at the youngest Baudelaire. "Here Chabo! Have an ear of corn!"
Sunny opened her mouth wide, but when the bald man saw the tips of her teeth poking out through the beard, he yanked his hand back in fear.
"Yikes!" he said. "That freak is vicious!"
"She's still a bit wild," Klaus said, still speaking as high as he could. "In fact, we got all these horrible scars from teasing her."
"Grr," Sunny growled again, and bit a piece of silverware to demonstrate how wild she was.
"Chabo will be excellent carnival attraction," Madame Lulu pronounced. "People are always liking of violence, please. You are hired, too, Chabo."
"Just keep her away from me," Esmé said. "A wolf baby like that would probably ruin my outfit."
"Grr!" Sunny growled.
"Come now, freaky people," Madame Lulu said! "Madame Lulu will show you the caravan, please, where you will do the sleeping."
"We'll stay here and have more wine," Count Olaf said. "Congratulations on the new freaks, Lulu. I knew you'd have good luck with me around."
"Everyone does," Esmé said, and kissed Olaf on the cheek. Madame Lulu scowled, and led the children out of her caravan and into the night.
"Follow me, freaks, please," she said. "You will be living, please, in freaks' caravan. You will share with other freaks. There is Hugo, Colette, and Kevin, all freaks. Every day will be House of Freaks show. Beverly and Elliot, you will be eating of corn, please. Chabo, you will be attacking of audience, please. Are there any freaky questions?"
"Will we be paid?" Klaus asked. He was thinking that having some money might help the Baudelaires, if they learned the answers to their questions and had an opportunity to get away from the carnival.
"No, no, no," Madame Lulu said. "Madame Lulu will be giving no money to the freaks, please. If you are freak, you are lucky that someone will give you work. Look at man with hooks on hands. He is grateful to do the working for Count Olaf, even though Olaf will not be giving him of the Baudelaire fortune."
"Count Olaf?" Violet asked, pretending that her worst enemy was a complete stranger. "Is that the gentleman with one eyebrow?"
"That is Olaf," Lulu said. "He is brilliant man, but do not be saying the wrong things to him, please. Madame Lulu always says you must always give people what they want, so always tell Olaf he is brilliant man."
"We'll remember that," Klaus said.
"Good, please," Madame Lulu said. "Now, here is freak caravan. Welcome freaks, to your new home."
The fortune-teller had stopped at a caravan with the word freaks painted on it in large, sloppy letters. The letters were smeared and dripping in several places, as if the paint was still wet, but the word was so faded that the Baudelaires knew the caravan had been labeled many years ago. Next to the caravan was a shabby tent with several holes in it and a sign reading WELCOME TO THE HOUSE OF FREAKS, with a small drawing of a girl with three eyes. Madame Lulu strode past the sign to knock on the caravan's wooden door.
"Freaks!" Madame Lulu cried. "Please wake up, please! New freaks are here for you to say hello!"
"Just a minute, Madame Lulu," called a voice from behind the door.
"No just a minute, please," Madame Lulu said. "Now! I am the boss of the carnival!"
The door swung open to reveal a sleepy-looking man with a hunchback, a word which here means "a back with a hump near the shoulder, giving the person a somewhat irregular appearance." He was wearing a pair of pajamas that were ripped at the shoulder to make room f
or his hunchback, and holding a small candle to help him see in the dark. "I know you are the boss, Madame Lulu," the man said, "but it's the middle of the night. Don't you want your freaks to be well-rested?"
"Madame Lulu does not particularly care about sleep of freaks," Lulu said haughtily. "Please be telling the new freaks what to do for show tomorrow. The freak with two heads will be eating corn, please, and the little wolf freak will be attacking audience."
"Violence and sloppy eating," the man said, and sighed. "I guess the crowd will like that."
"Of course crowd will like," Lulu said, "and then carnival will get much money."
"And then maybe you'll pay us?" the man asked.
"Fat chance, please," Madame Lulu replied. "Good night, freaks."
"Good night, Madame Lulu," replied Violet who would have rather been called a proper name, even if it was one she invented, than simply "freak," but the fortune-teller walked away without looking back. The Baudelaires stood in the doorway of the caravan for a moment, watching Lulu disappear into the night, before looking up at the man and introducing themselves a bit more properly.
"My name is Beverly," Violet said. "My second head is named Elliot, and this is Chabo the Wolf Baby."
"Grr!" growled Sunny.
"I'm Hugo," the man said. "It'll be nice to have new coworkers. Come on inside the caravan and I'll introduce you to the others."
Still finding it awkward to walk, Violet and Klaus followed Hugo inside, and Sunny followed her siblings, preferring to crawl rather than walk, because it made her seem more half wolf. The caravan was small, but the children could see by the light of Hugo's candle that it was tidy and clean. There was a small wooden table in the center, with a set of dominoes stacked up in the center and several chairs grouped around. In one corner was a rack with clothing hung on it, including a long row of identical coats, and a large mirror so you could comb your hair and make sure you looked presentable. There was a small stove for cooking meals, with a few pots and pans stacked alongside it, and a few potted plants lined up near the window so they would get enough sunlight. Violet would have liked to add a small workbench she could use while inventing things, Klaus would have been pleased to be squinting at some bookshelves, and Sunny would have preferred to see a stack of raw carrots or other foods that are pleasant to bite, but otherwise the caravan looked like a cozy place to live. The only thing that seemed to be missing was someplace to sleep, but as Hugo walked farther into the room, the children saw that there were three hammocks, which are long, wide pieces of cloth used for beds, hanging from places on the walls. One hammock was empty–the Baudelaires supposed that this was where Hugo slept–but in another they could see a tall skinny woman with curly hair squinting down at them, and in the third was a man with a very wrinkled face who was still asleep.