His lawyer paused as he seemed to be taking notes. “And your new wife? Will she be petitioning for adoption as well?”
Whoa. Somehow, that decision didn’t seem entirely his to make, nor did the answer seem as definitive. Of course,
it was Janet’s decision, but more than that, it was an area that needed some input from Zach. “I don’t think so, not yet.”
“So, you want us to start the petition process of one Hannah Smith on your behalf? Once you’re married to the custodial parent, and with a death certificate on the father, it won’t take long.”
“Can I get back to you before you start the process? I need to speak to Janet about it.”
“Sure thing. It’s not something we can actually put into motion until the marriage takes place anyway.”
After a few more moments of legal and financial talk, Jeff ended the call, dropping the receiver back on its cradle.
He stood up and paced to the window, looking toward the house. A small feeling of peace washed over him, and he realized it was because Janet was in his house now, living there, becoming a partner to him. But now, a new worry formed in his head. What if she didn’t want him to adopt Hannah? To him, it seemed the right step to take, moving forward, making them a real family. She was marrying him, after all.
Never one to delay an important matter, he left the barn and went inside the house. He found Janet in the kitchen, preparing his lunch while the baby was asleep.
She must have heard him enter because she shifted around from the counter and smiled at him. Very briefly, but it was enough to cause a seismic shift in his sanity. Friday could not come soon enough.
He washed up in the sink in the mudroom, and then he moved inside the kitchen, his eyes drawn like magnets to the delicate line of her spine. “So listen,” he began as she turned to face him, a plate in her hands and a question in her eyes. “I’ve spoken to my lawyer and he’ll have the pre-nup ready by Wednesday. You’ll have to sign it before Friday.”
She tilted her chin in agreement as she set his plate on the table. “Okay,” she answered mildly.
As she’d already acquiesced to that particular demand, he’d anticipated her reaction. And introducing the pre-nup was merely a segue anyway. His real topic for this conversation was adoption, but that issue could prove to be a stumbling point, and it was making him all kinds of anxious for a reason he couldn’t possibly explain.
Instead of sitting, he leaned back against the counter, crossing one booted foot over the other in a show of relaxation, when that was the last thing he was feeling. So maybe he should proceed carefully? Continue easing into his real concern, by proving that he had her best interests at heart. “You haven’t asked, but I want you to know that I’ve detailed some points in your favor.”
She picked up a dishtowel and tossed it over her shoulder as if totally unconcerned. “Okay, thanks.”
“Don’t you care to know the details?”
“Details about our divorce, you mean?” Her eyes narrowed. “Not really.”
The word ‘divorce’ sent his emotions into dark territory. “We’re not getting divorced.”
“Well then, I guess I don’t need to know a bunch of detailed minutiae about the pre-nup.”
Shit, this wasn’t getting him anywhere. “A divorce is not going to happen—but I have to protect myself, Janet. Surely you can see that.”
“Yeah, I totally get it. You’d be stupid not to protect yourself,” she agreed in a pleasant enough tone as she moved to get a pitcher of iced tea from the fridge. Her voice was mild, her mannerisms the same, as if the conversation wasn’t upsetting her in the slightest.
So why the hell did he feel as if he needed to continue defending himself? “It’s just something I have to do—my lawyer would shoot me if I didn’t.”
She cracked a smile at that. “Jeff—don’t worry about it. Truthfully, it means very little to me. I’m not bringing any assets to the marriage, so why would I expect to leave with my pockets loaded?”
He shifted his legs, keyed up. “If anything happens, I want you to know—you’ll be taken care of.”
“Thank you.” She smiled again, but it seemed a mere formality.
It was as if she was uninterested, and it was damn hard to get the conversation going where he needed it to go. “You don’t want to know how much?”
“How much what?”
Fuck. Again. Like pulling fucking teeth. “How much money you’ll receive?”
Her face puckered as she shook her head. “No, I don’t want to know.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t care.”
His mouth flattened. “How can you not care?”
“Because I don’t! All I care about is the children—what we’re doing to them—if we’re making the right decision.”
Finally. A segue. “Right. Okay, so along those lines—” he paused.
“What?”
How should he couch this? As a demand? As a statement of fact? Or as a question requiring permission? Right. He couldn’t recall asking for permission ever, about anything. “I’m going to petition the court for adoption.”
As soon as he said the words, her face went blank. And then her lips firmed into an austere line as a pronounced tension came over her facial features. “No.”
The negative response hit him squarely between the eyes. She hadn’t so much as given the matter an ounce of consideration. She’d just flat out turned him down and he didn’t care for it a damn bit. What was with her, exactly? She was willing to sign a pre-nuptial with no questions asked, but when he wanted to adopt her kid, when he was, in fact, willing to take care of her kid for the duration, no matter what, she flatly refused?
He felt more than a hint of impatience, he felt as if shit was spiraling out of his control, as if he wasn’t going to get to contain her as completely as he wanted. “Why not, exactly?”
She slowly licked her lips and then narrowed her eyes as if trying to figure him out. “Let me understand this correctly, because I’m kind of confused.” Her arms crossed over her chest as her shoulders stiffened. “First of all, I appreciate the kind offer, because it appears that you’re serious about it.” She stalled as she took in a deep breath. “But really, are you kidding? We’ve known each other for three weeks.”
“So?”
“So?” The look she impaled him with irritated the shit out of him. “We’ve only known each other for three weeks and it seems like you’re bamboozling me into a marriage ceremony already. A real marriage evidently, because you’re demanding I sign a pre-nup. Okay, fine. I’ll let you have your way. I’ll marry you and I’ll sign a stupid pre-nup—I don’t care. But let you adopt my child? Let you have the same custodial rights to her that I have?” She stabbed him with a heated glare. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Her words induced exasperation. He didn’t care for her challenge, he didn’t care for the fact that he wasn’t getting his way. But at the same time, an added stroke of respect for her came to the fore. Even though they were having a clash of wills, he couldn’t question her motives. They were honest, full of integrity. She wasn’t after more money, she wasn’t using the situation to act in any mercenary way whatsoever.
What she was doing was fighting for her independence and that of her child. And while he respected it, he also hated it. And why the hell was that? Before that morning, he hadn’t even considered adoption, not until his lawyer had mentioned it. But now that he had, he couldn’t seem to shake the idea. It was a damn fine idea, if he had to say so himself.
Was it because he already loved the baby so much that he felt a responsibility, a nobility that said he’d do anything to protect her? An uneasy feeling came over him as he admitted the answer. No, he didn’t.
It was true that Hannah was a cute baby. A sweet child, one that he knew he could come to love given time.
But right now? The real reason he wanted to adopt her? Fuck. He hated to even admit it to himself, because his reasoning was so off, so fucking wrong. But there it was in all its fucked-up glory: He wanted to adopt the child because he wanted control of the mother—he wanted her tied to him in every way possible.
There, he’d acknowledged it. At least to himself. He wouldn’t admi
t it to Janet though, no damn way. He couldn’t admit his reason to her or to anyone else, because there wasn’t a single thing honorable about it. His reason was fucked-up, completely selfish.
But admitting he was a selfish fuck didn’t make the issue go away. He still wanted to nail Janet down, he still wanted full control over her and her child, and although he knew his reasons were selfish, he wasn’t too worried about it, because his intentions toward them were sincere. He would take care of them—he would take care of Hannah no matter what happened between him and Janet—but that was easy to say because nothing would fucking happen.
He liked the girl living here, and her baby. But now the chance for introspection was gone, because they were in the middle of a conversation, and he needed to answer. “I’m not kidding.”
“Well, I’m sorry. Adoption’s a deal breaker for me, just as the pre-nup is for you.”
“Janet—”
“You can’t have everything you want, Jeff. I bet there’s not a solitary chance in hell that you’d allow me to adopt Zach, is there?”
He twisted his neck this way and that, feeling a tension headache coming on. “It’d be something we’d need to discuss, yeah. I think Zach’s old enough to have some input, as well.”
She studied him before she answered, as if totally floored that he’d even considered the situation. “I agree, I think you’re completely right. He’s almost a teenager and he remembers his mother. If this discussion ever comes up again—I think you’re right—he needs to be included in any decisions.”
With that, she set his tea on the table and turned and left the room.
****
At noon on Tuesday, Jeff paced back and forth inside his office. It was taking everything he had not to go inside the house and find Janet. He knew, damn good and well, that Hannah would be asleep.
He wanted her, no question. But there lay his problem. He wanted her too damn much. And the marriage license in his possession, was only that, a license that said they could get married.
But they weren’t married yet.