Leverage - Part 3

A polite knock at the door signaled Miles was there. She grabbed her beach bag and stuffed her towel and sunscreen inside. Well, here goes nothing. Time to put on a happy face. She opened the door with a smile. “Ready to go?” Miles asked, his gaze warming as he appreciated the view. “You are so beautiful. I'm the luckiest guy on St. John. Shall we?” He offered his arm and she laughed as she slipped her arm through his. Such a gentleman. Miles would make any woman the happiest woman on earth. So why couldn't she muster anything more than a pleasant tingle around him?

“So where are we going?” she asked, determined to forget about Boston for the day and enjoy a nice day with a good man. “All I ask is that there is food and bathrooms because that has become my life.”

“It has both plus I packed snacks and extra water.”

“Of course you did. You are amazing.”

“Well, I try. But honestly you bring out the best in me.” Miles grinned and Julianna returned the smile but inside her heart was heavier than a stone. Was she leading Miles on? She'd never dream of hurting him but maybe that's exactly what she was doing. Her heart, as much as she wouldn't wish it, seemed to gravitate toward Boston and she needed to be straight with Miles. Miles noted her silence as they climbed into the Jeep and he turned to her with a worried expression. “Are you feeling okay? We don't have to go anywhere if you're not feeling up to it.”

“No,” Julianna answered with a quick smile. “I need to get out and away. My head is not quite straight. A day at the beach sounds perfect.”

“Excellent. But if at any point you don't feel well, you let me know and we can cut the day short. Your health is what's most important.”

“You're such a good guy. How is it that you're not married?”

“Just haven’t found the right fit, I guess. But before you get the idea that I'm perfect — trust me, I'm not. I'm just like every guy, flawed and sometimes stupid.”

She rolled her eyes at his self-deprecation. “Is that so? Well, you’d better start showing me some of those flaws or I might make you marry me.” It was a joke but the minute she said it she knew she shouldn't have. Something flared in Miles's eyes – something like hope — and she knew she had to set him straight before she completely ruined their friendship. “Miles, you're a great guy — an amazing guy — but I don't want to give you the wrong idea. When I said that it was complicated with Boston I wasn't lying. We have an unusual arrangement that is hard to explain…”

“Do you love him?” Miles asked, cutting right to the chase.

“I don’t know.” That wasn't true. But she couldn't quite say the words. Maybe she wasn't ready to acknowledge the fact that she truly did have feelings for Boston that went beyond their arrangement. True, in the beginning she couldn't stand him. She'd been angry with him for pushing her into a despicable contract but she was just as angry at herself for being so weak that she’d accepted it. However, somewhere along the way she’d developed feelings for the asshole. Or maybe she was the asshole for letting her heart get involved. And now the baby? To say it was complicated was to say that the ocean was deep. “Here's the thing, Miles, I'm not available and I don't want to lead you on. You are a terrific guy and I'm crazy about you in a certain way but Boston is too much in my head” and heart “to let anything truly happen between us.”

She held her breath, afraid that Miles was going to kick her out of the car for being honest even though deep down she knew he’d never do that, even if he should. Miles offered her a crooked, yet slightly sad smile as he said, “I'm not blind, Julianna. Whether or not you want to admit it, you're in love with the guy. I know logic and reason never play a part in what the heart wants but I wish that you would accept that you deserve better.”

She released a relieved breath. He didn’t hate her. At least that was something. “I know I deserve better and honestly, before I met Boston I never would’ve imagined that I would be in this kind of situation but there is something between us that I've never felt before. And it has nothing to do with his money or his influence or any of that superficial crap. Because honestly I think he’s better when he's not throwing money around and acting like Boston Kincaid. When it's just he and I, and we’re just a normal couple spending time together, he’s a beautiful man. I can't believe I'm saying this and I know you probably think I'm crazy but deep down Boston…” What is she trying to say? That he was a good guy? Yeah, maybe. But given how Boston had acted as of late, that’d be a hard sell to Miles. She shrugged her shoulders helplessly, knowing she sounded like a loon. “I don't know, I'm not making any sense. I'm sorry. The thing is, I might be in love with him and I'm sorry.”

For a long moment he didn’t say anything and Julianna worried about what he might be thinking about her but when he spoke again, there was no judgment in his tone, only kindness. “How about this…let's just spend the day together as friends and leave all that other stuff behind for now. I'm not going to lie, I'm attracted to you. You’re beautiful, smart, witty — and I think you're going to be a wonderful mom. What's not to love about you? But I won’t stand in the way if Boston is who you want. I'll be your friend if that's what you need from me.”

“Really? Most guys don't want end up in the friend zone,” Julianna said, with a small wry smile. “Doesn't that bother you?”

“Sometimes the most enduring love stories spring from solid friendships,” he shared with the conspiratorial wink. “I haven't given up yet.”

She laughed. “You're incorrigible but I love that you don't give up easily. That’s a good quality in a man.”

Miles put the car into drive as he said, “Enough of this serious talk. There is a beach with our name on it and daylight is wasting. I've got the whole day without work and a beautiful woman by my side. Sounds like the beginnings of a great day to me.”

Julianna couldn't help but grin. Why couldn't she love Miles? Why did it have to be Boston? Without a doubt, Miles would make some lucky woman very happy. And in the short term, she supposed she could occupy that spot. Spending a day at the beach was exactly what the doctor ordered and she was going to enjoy it. But, Julianna knew that she was going to have to talk to Boston eventually. They needed to figure things out and that meant no more running.

But that wasn't today.

#

He'd seen the writing on the wall but he'd ignored his intuition. Julianna had all but admitted she was in love with Boston. Which meant her heart was closed to him. He’d landed in the Friend Zone. He should’ve known, should've listened to his gut. But he was here with her now and that was worth something. Boston thought he had Julianna no matter what because she carried his child but Miles wasn’t out of the game yet. Julianna's heart was hurting and what better way to show a woman there were better options than to actually be that option. He'd show her that Boston didn't have what it took to care for her emotionally like Miles did. “It's about a 30 minute drive to the beach,” he said. “But it's a really pretty drive.”

“It's a beautiful day. I don't mind. The weather here is crazy, though. It almost looked like it was going to rain. But I suppose that's pretty normal for the Caribbean.”

“Yes, it is. And the islanders rely on that rain for their freshwater. So we like those crazy rainstorms. However, I think the storm is going to pass us by today. It will probably hit St. Croix but the wind will push it past us.”

“I don't mind the rain. It's not a cold rain at all. It makes everything steamy and everything smells so good.”

“That it does. The ladies say it's great for the complexion, too.”

She regarded him curiously. “Do you think you’ll stay here, put down roots?”

He sighed. “I don't know. I came here to get away from a bad situation and then just never left. I might do what some people do and live here six months out of the year and spend the other six making money stateside. It’s a pretty good gig if you can get it.”

“Living in paradise,” she mused. “Sounds pretty amazing. But I don't know if I

'd want to live here year-round. I kind of miss being home.” She grimaced. “And I can really do without those flying gnats that bite.”

He chuckled at her gnat reference. Those suckers were vicious. When he’d first moved here, he’d been eaten alive until he’d discovered some island secrets to keep them at bay. “So, do you miss your home or Boston's home?”

She paused, unsure of her own answer. “I guess that's what I need to figure out, huh?”

“Yeah, probably a good idea.”

Julianna fell silent and Miles didn't feel compelled to chatter, letting the road take over. As much as he told himself he needed to pull back, he really liked her and he wanted better for her than what she'd settled for. However, experience told him that he was bound to land on the losing end if he wasn't careful. After awhile Miles put on his tour guide hat and began sharing everything he’d learned about the island of St. John when he’d first moved there. She laughed at his little stories and they passed the drive in relative comfort. They arrived at a small rocky beach with a marina and climbed from the Jeep. “There's nowhere to lay a blanket,” she remarked with a frown. “Is this the beach you were talking about?”

“Sort of. This side of the island isn't really known for its beaches but it's a beautiful drive and I wanted you to be able to relax for a little bit.”

“It was a beautiful drive. Thank you.” She graced him with a smile until her expression changed as she said, “However, now I'm hungry so either we find a nice beach to have our picnic or we find a restaurant because I am starving.”