Could she really be this green? I mean, I’d seen her in action, I knew that she was like two different people when she got in front of the camera, but you’d think after spending more than four years in this fucked up town she’d have lost some of that shine.
“What do you think it means?” She went after that lip again and it was all I could do not to pull it back out with my fingers, or my mouth. Fuck, and the line had finally been crossed.
I’m no hypocrite and I sure as hell don’t lie to myself. I knew once I crossed that line in my head the next step was to make that shit a reality. I’d opened the door and now there was no way to close it again. We were now in balls to the wall, all cards on the table territory.
She looked at me now, pretty much the way the photographer had caught her in that infamous shot. “That we like each other?” She was scared as shit. It didn’t occur to me to wonder why in the moment. I saw it, registered and moved past it.
“This isn’t high school Tara and I just realized I’m done with the casual shit when it comes to my dick. You think long and hard before you say anything else to me about this.” I held my breath as I waited for her next play. I’d give her that much, because only I know what she was in for if she fucked around and let me anywhere near her.
She nodded her head in understanding and clutched at the gold and diamond necklace around her neck before she turned and walked away. I was a little bit surprised to find myself wanting to go after her, but I left it alone…for now. But I knew this wasn’t over, not by a long shot.
I thought you were going to let her make the play? Fuck off! Now I’m arguing with myself. And so it fucking begins, fucking females, always fucking up shit. It didn’t matter how much I castigated her and her whole species in my head, my goose was cooked and I fucking knew it. I suddenly felt like a drowning man in the final throes of death. Fucking sunk!
That was two days ago and now here we are. Yesterday she’d spent all day locked away from me. It was one of her rare days off and it spared us having to face each other. I busied myself with pointless shit because I couldn’t concentrate on anything worthwhile, the whole time vacillating between telling her to scratch everything that was said, and just forcing her to come to me.
She’d taken me back to that childhood boy who always stood in the shadows watching shit happen. I didn’t like it, didn’t like that what I felt for her made me weak. Then I realized that it wasn’t weakness but fucking fear. I was afraid of what she was going to decide.
And today she’s been busy getting ready for this gala here tonight. She didn’t give me anything when we woke up this morning, but it was the first time she had coffee with me outside on the balcony overlooking the sea.
Cool as fuck this girl. She didn’t even look like she had anything on her mind. Meanwhile my guts were tied in knots and my dick was on a low-grade throb because he didn’t know what the fuck…
I think she wore that tee shirt with nothing under it to fuck with my head though. And she did have a secret smile on her face when she went back inside to get ready for the day. I wish she’d let me the fuck in on what she was thinking, but I played it cool.
She’d spent the day in makeup and with some designer who looked like he was twelve. That’s the only reason I didn’t chuck his ass out a window when he kept putting his hands all over her. That, and the fact that his wife was there, sitting in a chair watching him like a hawk. Pretty much like I was doing.
Now the gala was over and the reporters and photographers were lined up outside like they hadn’t moved since we left them there two hours or so ago, doing the same shit. In short, we hadn’t had time to revisit the conversation of a few days ago so I had no idea what the fuck was going on in her head.
I got her back to the car and just before she got in she looked up at me as I held the door open for her. It was that same fucking look again, but it was her words that sealed her fate. “I’ve thought about it…” She didn’t have to say anything more for me to know what was on her mind, it was written plainly on her face.