7
She took a sip of the cold drink before taking her seat again. “So, how did she seduce you?”
“Believe what you will it’s the truth nonetheless. Lucia and I are not lovers…not yet anyway.”
I wasn’t about to discuss my time with Lucia with her or anyone else. It was none of their business. I realized for the first time just how protective I am of her, of us, our… whatever you call what we have.
“Pull the other one Ethan, everyone knows your proclivities when it comes to the opposite sex.”
“That’s precisely why I never touched her. I have too much respect for her.” Wrong fucking thing to say Ethan. I saw the truth of that written plainly across her face. I’d hurt her when I hadn’t meant to. Fuck!
“Oh I see, so when you took me to bed it was only to show your lack of respect for me?” She stood to leave the room and I could’ve kicked my own ass for my careless words. What’s with me and doing that shit anyway? For someone who’s accustomed to handling sensitive shit I sure do stick my foot in it a lot when it comes to these women.
“Helen I didn’t mean that. You know I would never treat you so shabbily. I just meant to say that… it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I can’t marry you. I can’t marry anyone else but her.” There was no point in telling her that when it came to Lucia I wanted only what was best for her. That taking her to my bed while I was still entangled with someone else would’ve gone against everything I am.
“I suppose you can have her as your mistress for a time. But there’s no reason to call everything off because you have a silly attraction for the girl.” She took another sip of her cocktail and I wondered if I’d fallen down the rabbit hole. I wouldn’t even address that shit she’d just said. All I could think was thank fuck I’d dodged that bullet.
She went on to give me all the reasons why we should go through with the farce of a wedding and I let her have her say because I believed I owed her at least that much.
But her every word only convinced me that I had made the right choice. After knowing Lucia, I wanted no part of the cold, loveless existence she was now describing. And to think I’d almost lost it because I was worried about hurting her. She seemed only to care about position and my added wealth, which makes hers look like a pauper’s.
“Look, you’re fighting a losing battle here. The truth is neither one of us made this choice. Our mothers cooked up this idea before we were old enough to choose for ourselves.” She turned back to the room and I felt like less of a bastard.
“But we’ve known that this is what has been expected of us. Our whole lives it’s always been known that you and I would marry. Think of what you’re doing. There’s more to this union than just us two, the companies. What will become of all those plans if we don’t go through with it?”
“We only believed that this was necessary because we were raised to believe that it is what’s best. I didn’t care one way or the other when we were younger. Life didn’t hold that much meaning for me I’ll admit. Why do you think I volunteered for all those dangerous missions? When the chance of my coming out alive was slim to none? Because I didn’t care.”
I had her full attention now but as much as she was listening, she didn’t seem convinced. How could we have all been so blind? How can I get her to hear me now? I’d tried to spare her, but there was no way that was possible now. If I didn’t do this, the woman I love will suffer, I can’t allow that. So I’ll have to hurt someone who’d done me no harm. It wasn’t my finest moment.
“I didn’t care about you or my inheritance, or any of the rest of it, I’m sorry, nothing personal. But now my life has new meaning, she has given it new meaning. It’s for her that I’m willing to go against everything I know everything I’ve been taught.” There, I’d finally crossed the point of no return. No way could any self respecting woman wish to be married to a man who felt that way about her.
“How romantic, you’ve given your heart to the little tart. But tell me, what’s your mother going to say about all this?” It’s like talking to two different people. I kept looking for glimpses of the girl I thought she was, the one I’d grown up with that had always seemed so reserved, so soft-spoken and genteel. I didn’t know this person standing before me.