Lord of London Town

The ones who had dumped a container full of trafficked women on my fucking dock! It was them … it was the branded cunts who were trying to come for me, for all we’d built.

They wanted Cheska. They fucking wanted my bird!

I searched the room for Cheska, but she’d gone. A fucking weight pressed down on my lungs like a torture device. My dark heart taunted me, ordering me to get on my fucking hands and knees and find her. That it needed her back. My fucking queen. The one who controlled the fucked-up chessboard that was my life.

My most important piece.

But I fought it. I fought it all, trying to yank myself back to the numbness I used to live with, the blackness, the fucking void that kept me from having to feel any of this shit, that let me think. Right now, I couldn’t fucking think!

“You fucking prick,” Betsy spat and got right in my face. My jaw clenched as my cousin went toe to toe with me. “Don’t you dare you take this out on Cheska.”

“She did this,” I growled, the rage still pumping through my veins in waves, incinerating every fibre in my body. “She fucking made me feel, made me like this!”

“Human?” Betsy shot back. “A fucking living being, breathing, thriving—not a walking demon with nothing in his soul but blackness and hate?”

“THEY KILLED MY FUCKING MUM AND SISTER!” I boomed in Betsy’s face and looked to the rest of my family. I caught Vinnie’s eyes. They were fixed on the floor, and his body was shaking. Fucking shaking with rage.

“They killed her.” Vinnie lifted his head and met my eyes. “They killed her, Artie. She didn’t tell me they killed her.”

“I don’t think she knew,” Charlie said, placating Vinnie’s fucked-up head, his belief that he still saw and talked to my sister. “When the house went up, she wouldn’t have known how the fire was started.”

Vinnie nodded, grasping onto that lifeline. He studied his tight fists and said, “We need to kill them, Artie.” He nodded, like he was assuring himself it was what needed to happen to make this shitshow okay. “They all need to fall down. All fucking fall down.”

“Just remember,” Betsy said, moving back into my path, ignoring everyone else, “that Cheska lost her entire family too. Not just you. She lost them all.” Betsy laughed without humour. “And she loves you. Right now, I have no fucking idea why.” Betsy moved to the door but stopped and, without looking back, said, “Your mum was like my mum too. And Pearl was my best friend, my fucking sister. You chose to deal with this life yourself. You have people who love and support you, but you chose to remain unfeeling when our dads died. You chose to push us all away and shut down, never letting anyone in. And you’ll die alone if you keep doing it. Just like our dads did. Because I, for one, am fucking over trying to revive you.”

Betsy left, and her words circled my head as I downed the vodka until the bottle was done. I looked up. Most of my brothers were still around me. Gene and Vinnie were the only ones who’d gone somewhere else, Ronnie and Vera too.

“I need them found,” I said to Eric, Charlie and Freddie as they sat nursing their own drinks. “I need them fucking gone.” My vision was hazy and I heard my voice. It was broken and slurred. The vodka hadn’t numbed the pain in my body like I’d planned. It made it pulse deeper, faster, made the crack sink lower, lower and lower until I couldn’t fucking stand it.

“We’ll get them,” Charlie said, and Eric and Freddie nodded their heads. I stared at the fire, seeing the flames of the cottage again. Seeing some cunt push my mum back into the house, locking her inside.

I sat up when the pain in my chest felt like it would fucking end me. “What the fuck is happening to us?” I said to them. “No one can fuck with us. I make sure of it.” I stared into the dying fire, the flames being snuffed out under the burned logs. “We’re the Adleys. We fucking run this town.” I smacked into the side table. “I’m meant to stop this shit from happening to us. But someone is sneaking through. Someone is fucking sneaking through. I’m blind. I’m fucking blind to them.” I took a half-full bottle of whisky and unscrewed the cap. I drank it down. “I can’t see them.” I looked at Freddie, Eric and Charlie. “I can’t fucking see them. They’re hiding in my fucking house, and I can’t fucking find them!”

“We will.” Charlie got to his feet. But I didn’t want them to come to me. I didn’t want anyone fucking near me. I was poison. The crack in my chest was full of fucking poison.