“But I just can’t…I can’t sit here and pretend that everything’s going to be okay,” I said, fumbling for the words to express how I was feeling. “How if we just start ushering people, everything will go back to normal. Because it won’t. It can’t. Not for me and not for the people trapped in the Shadowlands. We can’t forget about them, Tristan. We can’t pretend like it never happened.”
“We won’t,” he said. “I promise you. We won’t forget about them. We’ll get your dad and Darcy back.”
I glanced around at Fisher and Kevin laughing by the stereo. At Bea, Krista, Lauren, and Liam dancing near the waves. A seagull cawed and dove toward the water. It was the first live bird I’d seen in days. My jaw clenched.
“It feels like we already have,” I said.
A tear slipped down my cheek and I quickly, angrily, swiped it away.
“Rory—”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m glad you’re better, I just…Right now I need to be alone. I need some time to think.”
And then I did something I never would have thought possible as recently as an hour ago. I turned my back on Tristan and walked away.
I was staring at the waves when I saw a flash of color out of the corner of my eye. Joaquin was walking briskly toward the rock wall, snapping up his jacket as he went. I couldn’t let him leave without saying something to him. What that would be, I had no idea, but I couldn’t let him go.
He was already at the foot of the hill, the rocks slick with leftover rain, when I caught up to him. “Joaquin! Wait up!”
He paused with one hand on a protrusion of gray stone and blew out a sigh. I could practically see him bracing himself to talk to me—the tension in his face and across his back.
“We have to talk,” I said, planting my feet in the sand in front of him.
“I don’t see why,” he said, lifting one shoulder. “I saw the way you looked at Tristan when he first walked up. I get it. I’m happy for you.”
Never had those words been said in a less enthusiastic tone. He sounded like he was ordering paper over the phone.
“Joaquin—”
He laughed sarcastically.
“Rory, look. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea,” Joaquin said. “It’s not like I’m going to stand here and say it doesn’t matter to me. Because it does. Of course it does. If it were anyone else…”
He looked off across the beach at Tristan, who was nodding pensively as Kevin went on about something.
“But it’s Tristan,” I said, my voice full.
When he looked at me again, his brown eyes were full of sadness and longing. “It’s Tristan.”
My eyes filled with tears, and I could feel him straining not to reach for me. Never had my heart felt so confused and sick and at war with itself. I had spent days hating Tristan, and now, even though I knew Tristan hadn’t deserved that hate, even though I knew I loved him, I couldn’t imagine letting Joaquin go. I didn’t want to lose him.
Finally Joaquin turned toward the rock wall, and the spell was broken. One tear slipped from my eye, and I swiped it away. Joaquin reached for a handhold.
“Listen, Tristan says that Pete was the only one in the gray house that night. No one else was with him. If that’s true, then hopefully the mayor is right. With Pete in prison, we’ll be okay.”
“Okay…” I said slowly, confused by his sudden shift to calm, cool, and collected. All business. “But then what was he talking about when he said it wasn’t his idea? When he said he was going to get what he wants?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he was just trying to throw you off,” Joaquin theorized. “Either way, I’m going to bring Lancet up to the bridge around nine. If you and any of the others want to meet me there…it might be good to do it together. Moral support and that kinda crap.”
I managed a smile, even though my chest felt bruised. I couldn’t believe Joaquin was just walking away from us after everything that had happened. “Okay. I’ll tell them.”
He nodded and started to climb. His back was to me and he had only one foot planted on firm ground when I spoke again. “Joaquin?”
He turned his face only slightly, so I could see his ear and the corner
of his eye. “Yeah?”
“I just want you to know…it matters to me, too,” I said. “You, I mean. You matter.”