“They’ve been here since they passed,” my mom told me. “They were given the choice to return to Juniper Landing, but they chose to stay.”
Relief hit my chest. “So I don’t have to go to the Shadowlands? I don’t have to be with—”
“Don’t even say his name,” my mother said, touching her fingertips to my lips. “You never need to say his name again.”
I collapsed against her and cried, releasing the torrents of terror and confusion and uncertainty I had bottled up for so long. My mother hugged me close, her strength radiating through me. Just to be with her, just to be held by her again, was the greatest gift I could have ever been given.
“I’m so proud of you, sweetie,” she said into my hair, kissing the top of my head. “Everything you’ve been through and everything you’ve done, and you’re still my strong little girl.”
“You’ve been watching me?” I asked through my tears.
“Of course. Are you kidding? I’ve been watching you since the moment I died,” she said. She tipped my head back and held my face between her hands. “I never left you.”
Then she looked at my dad and Darcy. “I never left any of you.” She gazed into my eyes again. “And whatever you decide to do next, I’ll always be right there beside you.”
I felt a stab of foreboding. “Whatever I decide to do next?”
My mother nodded. She got up, tugging me by the hands to stand with her. We stepped off the cotton mat and onto the warm white floor. With one hand still clutching mine, my mother lifted the other and, palm out, wiped the air in front of us as if she were cleaning a window. Instantly, an image appeared. We were looking at the foot of the bridge, at Tristan, who was on his knees, and Joaquin, who stood over him. Tristan was sobbing, his shoulders bent, his hands flopped uselessly across his knees.
“What happened?” I asked. “Where’s Krista?”
“Krista’s deal was that she would be returned to Earth. Once your selfless act released those innocent souls, the Shadowlands drew her in for itself instead,” my mother explained grimly. “As far as Tristan and Joaquin know, both of you are in the Shadowlands, and no one was ever released.”
My mouth was dry as sand. “So they think I failed.”
“They think you were tricked,” my mother corrected. She took a breath and turned me to face her. “Now you need to decide whether you wish to stay here, in the Light, with u
s, or go back to Juniper Landing and continue your mission.”
My heart thumped extra hard. I glanced over at my dad and Darcy. “What about you?” I asked my sister. “Do you get the same choice?”
“Yeah, but I already made it,” she said. “I’m staying here.”
“Oh.”
“When I really thought about it, I realized I’m not gonna stay with Fisher forever, and if we break up, there’s gonna be so much drama,” Darcy said, rolling her eyes. “I’m sort of over all that, you know?”
“But what about being a Lifer? What about our mission?” I asked.
She lifted her shoulders. “I was never technically a Lifer. I never really got what it meant. Honestly…I think I’d rather stay here and just…be.”
“Rory, we want you to know that whatever you decide, we’re here for you and we’re happy for you,” my father said. “If you want to go back, we’ll understand. And we’ll always be with you.”
I nodded, looking at my mom. The only thing I’d wanted for the past four years was to see her again. To hear her voice. To have her hug me and tell me everything was going to be okay. And there she was. Right there. Could I really imagine letting her go again?
“I want to be with you,” I said plainly. “It’s the only thing I’ve wanted since the second you told me you were sick.”
“I know, sweetie.”
“What’s it like here?” I asked. “Are you happy?”
“I’m at peace,” she said gently. “There’s a certainty about being here. Knowing nothing can ever hurt you again. There’s no confusion, no longing, no guilt. You just…are.”
It sounded like perfection, never having to worry. Never feeling pain or uncertainty. But there was something leading in her tone. She was trying to tell me something. I looked her in the eye and flinched in understanding.
“But there’s also no Tristan,” I said. “No confusion, longing, pain, uncertainty, or guilt means no passion, too. No…love?”
“Oh, there’s love,” she said. “It’s all around us. But it’s not the same. It’s not what you have with him.”