"I can't," she said, surprised by the sob in her throat.
She couldn't get that close to someone. Not after what had happened to Thomas. She couldn't get herself into a situation that might get out of control.
Hudson sat back on his heels. "Was it something I did?"
"No." Ariana forced a smile. She tried to regain her composure, tucking her hair behind her ears and looking at the ground for a
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moment. Deep breath. Better. "No. I just... I think I got caught up in the moment. I don't generally move this fast."
Not anymore. Not after Thomas.
"Oh. I'm sorry. I swear I didn't come here expecting, you know, sex," he said, getting up off the bed. He grabbed his shirt from where it had fallen, and Ariana was mortified to realize she had been the one to remove it. Talk about mixed signals.
"No, I'm sorry," Ariana said. "It was me."
"It's okay," Hudson said. He slid his arms into the sleeves and straightened the shirt on his shoulders. Then he walked over to her and leaned in for another sweet and searching kiss. "We can take it as slowly as you want."
Ariana smiled up at him, feeling inexplicably sad. "Thanks."
Hudson smiled. "Well. I guess I should go. Don't want the landscaping staff finding my violin and calling the cops."
"That would be bad," Ariana said. On many, many levels, she added to herself.
"Good night, Emma Walsh," Hudson said, leaning in for one last kiss.
A single tear made its way out of the corner of Ariana's eye as he slipped through the door and down the ladder. She had just realized no one would ever again say her real name with that kind of tenderness again.
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NEW BEGINNINGS
"You know, when you walked in here and told me you wanted extensions, I thought to myself, Girl, why fix what ain't broke?" Ariana's stylist, Deanna, crowed. "But you know what? You were right. Long hair suits your face!""Does it?" Ariana croaked.
Her mouth was so dry it felt like she'd been lunching on sand. Dressed in head-to-toe black, Deanna had dyed her own hair a fire engine red. Normally, Ariana wouldn't have let someone who had made such an obvious mistake with her own hair touch her precious locks, but Deanna was also wearing a gorgeous pair of leopard-print Giuseppe Zanotti heels, so she had decided to risk it. Now the woman grinned down at her all excited, and Ariana felt nothing but apprehension. Facing away from the mirror in the lush salon, she had been able to detach herself from what Deanna was doing. Kicked back in the soft white leather chair with her feet up and the smooth jazz playing
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through the speakers, she had let herself float off into a quiet, serene space where everything was as it should be. But now that Deanna was done, she realized she was afraid to see herself. Afraid to see the person she was about to become.
"Ready to see the new you?" Deanna asked, clicking her superlong acrylic fingernails together.
Ariana held her breath. The woman had no idea how squarely she had hit the nail on the head. A whole new Ariana. She stared at Deanna's face. Noted the laugh lines around her eyes. The small acne scar just under her right eye. The missing rhinestone on the lowest drop of her left earring. Finally, she felt calm. Calm enough, at least, to press forward.
"Sure."
"Here ya go!"
Deanna spun the chair around and Ariana opened her eyes. Long auburn hair fell in gorgeous waves over her shoulders. It didn't look fake at all. It actually looked pretty. When Briana Leigh had suggested the extensions, Ariana had hesitated. What if it brought back those memories that she tried so hard to keep locked up and buried away? What if every time she looked at herself, she saw Thomas's blood all over again?
But now she realized that was not going to happen. Because the girl looking back at her was nothing like the blond, blue-eyed Ariana Osgood of those days. The girl looking back at her was a green-eyed, auburn-haired Briana Leigh Covington.
Hi. I'm Briana Leigh Covington. So nice to meet you.207
"Well? What do you think?" Deanna asked, whacking Ariana's shoulder.
Ariana swallowed back some bile and told herself that this was all for a reason. This was a good thing. This was going to allow her to have the life she wanted.