Private (Private 1)

“Eh, they’re in Billings too,” Diana said with a wave of her fork.

36

K A T E B R I A N

So I was right. It was Noelle and her friends who were impor-

tant. Noelle and her friends who were the most worth knowing.

My heart pounded against my rib cage and I pressed my sweaty

palm into the thigh of my jeans. I had never wanted anything as much as I wanted to be at that table right then. If I could just enter TRADITION

that inner sanctum, every door at Easton would open up to me.

I would never have to worry about being accepted or fitting in. I would be leaving my own crappy, depressing home life so far

behind maybe i could manage to forget it altogether.

Easton was a nondenominational school, but it had been founded

by Presbyterians back in the early nineteenth century. According to the catalog, they had discontinued group prayer in the 1990s, but they still called the morning, school-wide gathering “morning

services.” The daily assembly was held in the ancient chapel at the center of campus, surrounded by the class buildings, the offices of the instructors and deans, the gym, cafeteria, and library—all of which I was eager to explore. Beyond this circle were the dorms, beyond them the playing fields, and beyond them the mountains

and trees and clear blue sky. It was a hot morning, normal for early September, but as we stepped through the arched doorway and into the chapel, it was like walking into a cave. Goosebumps popped out all over my skin as the cool air washed over me and I shivered in my lightweight T-shirt. Suddenly, I understood why most students had brought along cardigans or jackets. The high walls were made of cold, musty gray stone and the slim stained-glass windows only

allowed the most minor shafts of sunlight to enter.

38

K A T E B R I A N

P R I V A T E

39

I hugged myself as I passed by the Billings Girls. Ariana was in I glanced around for Thomas but didn’t see him among the

the very last pew, reading, while Kiran and Taylor sat near the cen-seniors. Hanging on the walls between the windows were long,

ter of the chapel—Kiran studying her face in a compact mirror,

black velvet banners, each decorated with the Easton crest and a Taylor scribbling in a notebook. Noelle was nowhere to be seen. It graduating class’s year. Below the year were two names, one

was odd, seeing them separated like this. I felt as if they were one female, one male. I was about to ask what those names signified entity and should always be by one another’s sides. I took my seat when the double doors to the church closed, darkening the room

with my dorm-mates near the center of the pews.

even further. Everyone hushed and faced forward, so I did the

“We sit according to class. Boys on the left, girls on the right,”

same. A sense of heavy reverence descended upon the crowd and

Diana explained as we settled in. Her roommate, a girl named Kiki an anticipatory warmth overcame me. Out from two opposing

who could have been Diana’s longer-haired twin, but wasn’t, sat doors at the front of the church walked two boys, freshmen from down next to her. I had yet to see Kiki without her iPod. She kept the look of them, carrying candles that they used to light four time to the music with her chin as she slumped down in her seat.