dangerously loud. Not one of them seemed to notice or care.
the new life I was so close to winning. Turned back into the familiar
“This is a small school,” Noelle said. “No one keeps secrets
darkness.
from us.”
I begged to differ. There were lots of secrets at this place. It was just that they were all being kept from me. I glanced at Kiran, who struggled not to look away. At least most secrets were being kept from me.
“I’m not doing this,” I said, backing away toward Bradwell.
“You sure about that?” Noelle asked.
“You do realize what you’re giving up,” Kiran said, crossing her slim arms over her chest.
I looked up at Billings, my breath making steam clouds in the
cool air. I looked at the arched windows through which I had first spied Ariana on that first night. I recalled the longing I had felt. The need. The feeling that these girls could be the ones to save me.
Rescue me from a life I never wanted to have.
I wanted it. I wanted it all so much. But a girl had to draw the line somewhere. This was the place.
“I’m not getting a man fired just because you guys feel like it,” I told them, looking each and every one of them in the eye, one by
P R I V A T E
183
along one of the brick pathways by Mrs. Naylor. Leanne looked
nervous and sick, like she was about to pee in her pants. Something was up, and I wasn’t the only one who noticed. I heard Missy and Lorna behind me, whispering as we followed the duo’s progress.
INTRIGUING DUO
They turned up the pathway to the administration building and
disappeared through the heavy wooden doors. My heart pounded in my ears.
“Some body’s in trou ble,” Missy sang under her breath.
There would be no concentrating for the rest of the day.
Thursday morning in art history class, I stared out the window at the newly fallen leaves that skittered across the grass, as Ms.
Treacle droned on. I didn’t even care if the old woman called on me about the reading, which I hadn’t done. I wasn’t even entirely sure where I was.
I had turned the Billings Girls down. I had said no. In the gray light of day, I started to wonder if I was not a little bit insane. What did I think I was going to do here without them? My relationship with Thomas was over. I had ostracized myself from all the girls in my own class. I had thought I was being all moral and admirable.
Now I realized that all I had done was effectively demolished my one and only hope.
I would never be a Billings Girl. I would never be anything but poor little Reed Brennan with the blue-collar father and the addict mother. There was no escape.
Suddenly, as if conjured by my thoughts, one of the Billings
Girls appeared in my line of sight. Leanne Shore was being led