Ambition (Private 7)

"Seriously," I replied. I dug into my bag and pulled out all the novels we had read so far this year, as well as my massive notebook,

all of which I dropped on the low table. "You sure you want to study here? There's not much light." Unless you want to make out.

Which is so not happening. Not even with Fun Reed. Even she isn't ready for that. "It's fine," Jason said. "I've been here awhile. Your

eyes will adjust." His arm was draped along the back of the couch, so that when I sat down, I could feel the soft fuzziness of his

sweater sleeve against my neck. "So, what do you want to do?" I asked, restacking my books nervously. "Do you want to tackle the

novels in order, or--" "Yeah. That seems like a good plan," he replied, picking up his own, worn copy of The Death of the Heart.

Okay, so maybe he was here to study. We settled in and started to go over our notes, flipping through our marked-up, dog-eared

books to remind ourselves of specific references. Jason turned out to be smart for a child star--a very perceptive reader--and before

long I found myself enjoying our heated discussions.

"Wait, so you actually liked this book?" I asked, holding up my copy of Sister Carrie between my thumb and forefinger like it was

a bag of smelly garbage. "Okay, I admit it was somewhat over the top," Jason said, flashing those dimples of his as he drew his knee

up on the couch to better face me. "But Dreiser had his reasons for--" "Somewhat? Somewhat? Are you kidding me?" I demanded, my

voice going shrill as I laughed. "There were points when I actually wanted to track down Dreiser's grave, dig his ass up, and beat on

his bones just for torturing me." "Um, don't you think it would be easier to take out your wrath on Winslow?" Jason suggested, his

eyes sparkling. "He did assign the book." "Point taken," I replied with a smile. "But he is giving me an A so far this term, so--"

"All right, then. Dreiser's bones it is," Jason joked. "Thank you," I said, dropping the book on the table. "You're welcome." He

righted himself on the couch so that we were both facing forward again. We were both still smiling, and there was this warm cama-

raderie between us. A nice, friendly warmth. "This is fun," I said. "You sound surprised," Jason replied. "Do I?" I said, embarrassed.

"Sorry." "It's okay." Out of nowhere his hand fell on my shoulder. He was much closer than he'd been ten seconds ago. "The library's

gonna close in half an hour," he said, looking into my eyes. "So?" I said stupidly. "Sooooo..."

He leaned in and kissed me. I was so taken aback that I didn't even have time to stop him or pull away, and suddenly I was leaning

backward, with him bearing down on me, the arm of the couch pressed into the center of my back. Okay. Cute boy kissing you. Nice,

cute boy kissing you. Don't freak out. Just... kiss him back. That's what Fun Reed would do. So I tried. I tried to kiss him back. But

then his unfamiliar tongue shot into my mouth and I thought of Josh. How very not-Josh this guy was. Suddenly I wanted to hurl. "Ja-

son, stop," I said, pushing him gently away and sitting up. Maybe there was still a way to salvage this. Get out of this gracefully and

retain Jason as a friend. It wasn't his fault I was on the rebound, after all. He was just doing what half the other guys at this school

seemed to want to do--land the Billings president. "I can't do this right now," I said.

"Sorry. Sorry," he said awkwardly, tugging at his pants legs as if to de-wrinkle them. "I'm such an idiot." "No. It's okay. It's just--"

"You're not over Hollis yet. I get it." He was all red as he flashed me a self-deprecating smile. "I just figured that since he was already

hooking up with Ivy Slade, you might be ready to, you know--" My heart plummeted. "What?" "What what?" Jason asked, surprised