Paradise Lost (Private 9)

"Yeah, right," I scoffed, staring out at the ocean.

"What does that mean?" he asked.

"It means, yeah, right," I said, crossing my arms over my chest. "You seemed pretty occupied when I left. Who did you go home with once you realized I was gone--Sienna or Paige? Oh wait. They live together now, don't they? So, both?"

Upton stared at me, his expression almost horrified. I felt the lewdness of my accusation and wanted to take it back, but I didn't. He deserved to feel bad, didn't he? After the way he'd treated me last night?

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"Reed, you can't really think that I--"

"Well, what am I supposed to think?" I countered. "They were all over you! And you didn't exactly seem to be fighting them off."

Upton tipped back his head and laughed, his palms to the sky. "But we didn't do anything! It was just a bit of flirting!"

"Flirting? That's what you call flirting?" I replied. "When I left, Sienna had her tongue down your throat."

Upton gazed out at the ocean, obviously snagged. "You saw that?"

"Yes, I saw that. So you can drop the innocent act," I said. "You kissed her."

"Yes. She kissed me. For a split second. That was all. I was drunk and I lost my head for a moment. Then I stopped the kiss, and I told Sienna she had to stay away from me for the rest of the trip," he said.

"Oh, please," I said.

"I'm sorry about the kiss," he said. "I swear to you, it will not happen again. And if you don't believe me, you can talk to Sienna. Or Noelle and Dash. They witnessed the whole sordid conversation."

"Whatever." I stared out at the water. Part of me was starting to cave. Who was I to judge someone who had, in an inebriated state, made an unwise sexual decision?

Upton crossed his arms over his chest and planted his feet in the sand, hip width apart, like he was getting ready to square off. "Reed, I've said I'm sorry and I'll say it once more. The kiss was a slipup and I know it was wrong. But I am not going to pretend I'm not a flirt. I am. It's my personality. I've known these girls for years and that's the type of relationship I have with them. You must stop with the jealousy."

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"Oh, must I?" I said sarcastically.

He gave me a look that made me feel like a child. I blushed and looked away. He took my hand and held it in both of his. "Yes, you must. Because, though I have been with a lot of women, I am with you now. Only you."

I stared at the ocean, my eyes stinging with tears. I didn't know what to believe. I didn't know what to do. Follow my instincts, save my pride, and just walk away now? Or do what my heart wanted--open it up to him and potentially let him pummel it to death.

"Reed, look at me. Please," he said seriously.

I held my breath and did as he asked. He smiled briefly, looked at the ground, and took in a breath. He held my fingers so tightly it was like he was afraid the wind might blow me away.

"I know this sounds insane, but"--he paused and looked into my eyes--"I think I'm falling in love with you."

I completely froze. My heart expanded to fill my entire body, warming me from back to front and head to toe and everywhere.

"And that is something I've never said to anyone," he added firmly.

Just as quickly, my heart deflated. Because I had said it. To Josh. And I'd felt it for Thomas, though I'd never gotten the chance to tell him.

And look at how those relationships had worked out.

Suddenly, I was trembling. All I could see was Josh's face. Thomas's face. The hurt I had caused them both. The hurt they had caused me. I couldn't handle seeing Upton that way. Cheerful, devil-may-care

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Upton, who had never felt deeply about anyone. I couldn't be his first. I didn't want to crush him on his virgin voyage into actual emotional territory.