I let out a groan, tipped my head back, and looked up at the stars in the sky, wishing one of them would bring me some answers. Unfortunately, the stars weren’t talking tonight. They simply winked back at me, refusing to tell me who to believe in—refusing to tell me who to trust.
SOMETHING BIG
Even though I knew that watching the clock inevitably made it move slower, I spent the final fifteen minutes of my last class on Wednesday afternoon doing just that. I was supposed to meet Carolina and her camera crew for our first tour of the construction site and I couldn’t wait. My last few experiences at the site had been less than positive (understatement of the century), and I was eager to erase them with something good. I figured Carolina’s positive energy, and maybe the presence of a camera crew, would frighten off the bad mojo today. Plus, I was dying to see how things were coming along.
Two minutes left to go. As I dragged my gaze away from the clock, it happened to fall on Missy. She was staring at me, her eyes narrowed, and she didn’t look away. I swear, it was like giving me the evil eye had become her favorite pastime.
I rolled my eyes at her, just to show her how very unintimidated I was—even though my heart was now pounding—and pretended to focus on the end of the review.
After what felt like a hundred years, the bell rang and I was out of my seat before anyone else. The door opened just as I got there and I was stunned to find that Josh was the one who had opened it. Instantly, my chest filled with nervous butterflies.
“Hey,” I said, averting my eyes.
“Hi.” He fell into step with me in the hallway. He was wearing long cargo shorts and a blue crew neck sweater, looking like his normal, yummy self. But I couldn’t help remembering his manic body language from last night and the suspicious, slightly crazed look in his eyes.
“Where’ve you been all day?” I asked, walking quickly toward the end of the hallway.
“I have a paper due tomorrow, so I spent lunch and breakfast in the library,” he said, practically chasing me down the stairs. “Are you in a rush for some reason, or are you just that mad at me?”
I sighed half impatiently, half apologetically, as we reached the bottom floor. Josh followed me as I ducked around the corner into a less crowded hallway. I leaned back against the brick wall, adjusting the strap of my bag on my shoulder.
“I have my first tour of the construction site with Carolina,” I said, checking my watch. “In about two minutes.”
“Oh.” Josh looked at his feet. “Okay then. I’ll let you go.”
A flood of guilt rushed in and drowned all the butterflies in my chest. “No. I mean, it’s okay. They can’t really start without me. What’s up?”
Josh looked up at me through the mop of his hair. “I just feel really bad about last night. I kind of jumped all over you and I didn’t mean to.”
“It’s okay,” I said automatically, even as my pride burned at the mention of it.
“No, it’s not,” he said. “You know it’s not.” He looked away from me, toward the door and the sunlit quad beyond, as students rushed in and out, widening and thinning the shaft of light at our feet. “I’ve been so stressed out lately. You wouldn’t believe the amount of pressure I’ve been dealing with. I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s just . . . the way it is.” He met my gaze then, and my pulse skipped a beat. “There’s actually something I have to tell you . . . something big.” He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and took a step back. “But now’s not the time. You have somewhere to be.”
“Josh. Tell me,” I said, reaching for him. I touched his elbow and then my hand fell away, pointless. “I can be late.”
“No.” He shook his head. “We can talk later. I’ve been enough of a jerk lately. I don’t want to screw this up for you too.”
There was a lump in my throat the size of a soccer ball. He looked sad and almost scared, but determined. He wasn’t going to tell me his secret. His big thing. Not now anyway. No matter how much I wanted to know.
“Okay,” I said. “So . . . call me later?”
He nodded once. “I will.”
“Promise?”
“I swear.” He crossed his heart with his pinkie.
I turned slowly and headed for the door, giving him all kinds of time to change his mind and stop me, but he didn’t. As I made my way outside into the warm sunshine and down the steps of the class building, I felt as if I was going to burst wide open from the pressure of all the questions brewing in my mind. What did he have to tell me? How big was big? Had I been right all along and he was off his meds? Or maybe it was a good thing he had to tell me. Maybe he was MT and he had been trying to help me all along. Or maybe it was an even worse thing. Like maybe he was going to break up with me.
I gulped back a bubble of fear as I crossed the quad toward the new Billings. Josh didn’t want to screw this up for me by divulging whatever it was that had been bothering him? Well, I had news for him—I had a feeling he’d screwed it up worse by not telling me.
CURSED AGAIN
I tried to forget about Josh as Carolina and I followed Larry around the periphery of the now-finished foundation. It was easier than I thought, putting his aborted announcement out of my head, what with all the construction noise, the sun in my eyes, and Carolina’s camera all up in my grill. How she seemed so comfortable with the lens swooping in and out and the boom looming overhead was beyond me. But then, she did do this for a living. I supposed a person could get used to anything.
“I just want you to know, Miss Brennan, that we’re looking into the accident with the stage,” Larry assured me, walking backward past a couple of guys who were cutting wooden beams with a table saw. “I’m certain it was sound and secure for the ribbon cutting, so I have no clue what could have caused a collapse like that, but we’re gonna figure it out and make sure nothing like that happens again.”
All around us, construction vehicles ground and squeaked, beeped and churned. A crane lifted a pallet of red and gray bricks, moving them slowly toward what would be the front of the eventual building,