“Yes. They had a bit of a love triangle, those three. Kaci had Brock and Dirk wrapped around her finger and knew all she had to do was say yes to either of them, and they’d melt on the spot and do whatever she asked. Truth be told, I don’t honestly think she was ever in love with Dirk or Brock. I think she liked the idea of Brock. He was talented and already making a name for himself in bull riding. Dirk was, as well, but not to the extent of Brock. He was the future she wanted. Brock, I mean. Dirk, on the other hand, was full of passion and longed to make her happy.”
I looked down at the floor as I tried not to think of all the times Dirk had practically thrown himself at Kaci. “He would have given up bull riding, had she asked him to.”
“You said you didn’t think Kaci loved either one of them. How do you know that?”
With an exhale, I went on. “She proclaimed to be innocent, but she’d tell me about the encounters she had with other guys. Sexual encounters. Honestly, at the time, I thought she was making it all up. But a few years later I found out she hadn’t been making it up, and she had actually been cheating on Brock.”
“You never told Brock and Dirk about her…encounters?”
I laughed. “No. They wouldn’t have believed me. Anyway, our senior year it really came to blows, and Brock and Dirk told Kaci she had to choose. She picked Brock. Dirk acted like he was fine, but you could tell it was a hit to his pride. A few weeks later, one night at a party, Dirk had been drinking. He walked up to me and took me by the hand and then upstairs to a bathroom. He started to kiss me and touch me in ways he hadn’t ever done before, and I felt like I was in a dream.”
Timberlynn smiled once again.
“He said he wanted me, and of course, in my mind, I told myself it was because he couldn’t have Kaci. But the way he looked at me that night, Timberlynn—it was so different than any other time. I was still a virgin, and honestly, I wasn’t about to have my cherry popped in a bathroom at a party.”
She chuckled. “I can’t blame you on that one.”
“Nothing happened, and we ended up being interrupted or something. The next week went by and Dirk acted different. Not distant, by any means. He smiled at me a little brighter. I would catch him looking at me longer than he should. So, I took a risk and asked Dirk to take my virginity. I knew I wanted him to be my first and I was, after all, in love with the idiot.” I rolled my eyes and stared out the window for a few moments.
“Eventually, after pretty much begging him, he agreed to do it—and it was the most amazing, beautiful moment of my life.” I grinned at the memory. I looked at Timberlynn, who wore what I figured was an expression much like my own. Then my smile faded, and I shook my head as the memory of how that night ended came flooding back.
“Afterward, I was about to tell him I loved him when he called me Kaci by mistake. It felt like someone had sucked all the air out of the barn. I couldn’t breathe, and my chest hurt so bad, like someone had punched me square in it.”
Timberlynn gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.
“I knew he wasn’t a virgin, and that he’d been with other women. Had he called me Jill or Libby or something other than Kaci, I don’t know if it would have hurt as much as it did. I told him I hated him, and that I never wanted to talk to him again. Our friendship was gone after that. That’s the worst part.” I covered my mouth in an attempt to keep my sobs down. “Losing his friendship nearly destroyed me. I left town the day after graduation. I went to New York early, stayed with a friend of my father’s, and got a job that summer before school started in the fall.”
“Merit, I can’t even imagine how that must have made you feel.”
I shrugged and pulled in a deep breath. “So, now you see why I told him I wanted a do-over. All those feelings came rushing back to me. For years, I told myself I wasn’t in love with him, but the other night in his truck I realized I was more in love with him now than ever. And then I panicked because I couldn’t allow myself to be hurt by him again. So I acted like it was just sex. I said something about him not calling me by another woman’s name, and that I only wanted a do-over. I made it seem like I wanted him to hurt as much as I had that first time we were together.”