Holy shit.
My mother’s words came back to me, about Lori saying Merit hadn’t been acting right the last few months. I counted in my head how many weeks it had been. What day was that on? It was the first week of June, that much I knew. Today was July 29th.
Maybe I had it all wrong. Maybe her file was slipped in with the others by mistake. But what about that date?
Janice walked into her office, turned on the light, and then pointed to a chair. “Have a seat.”
I did as she said, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.
“I see you and Merit spoke.”
All I could do was nod my head.
“Good, I’m glad she told you about the baby.”
My heart felt like it was about to beat right out of my chest.
“I know this is a difficult time for you, Dirk. Losing your father and knowing he won’t be here for your own child.”
I swallowed hard and gripped the arms of the chair.
“Did Merit show you the sonogram?”
My world felt as if it were turning inside out. “N-no, not yet.”
Janice smiled as she turned and looked at the files. She sifted through them and found Merit’s. Opening it, she took something out and handed it to me. “Well, here is the first look at your baby.”
I stared down at the little blub. The words Hi, it’s baby here! was typed across the top, and I rubbed my fist across my chest to ease the tightness.
Janice cleared her throat. “I’ll be honest, I hoped she would tell you sooner rather than later. The stress she was under wasn’t healthy for her or the baby. I hope it went well? She was so worried about telling you.”
“Worried?” I managed to get out.
She drew in a deep breath and let it out. “Yes, that you wouldn’t…well, to be honest with you, she was worried that you wouldn’t want the baby. I really shouldn’t even be sharing that with you, but I was worried about her. We were good friends in high school, and I hated seeing her so upset.”
When I didn’t respond, her half-smile faded. “Well, anyway, I’m assuming you wanted to speak with me about something in particular?”
“Everything is okay…with the baby?” I asked.
She nodded. “Very much so. I meant to email Merit the recording of the heartbeat, but I can pull it up if you’d like to hear it.”
“The…the heartbeat?” I asked, feeling angry that Merit had kept this from me. Why in the hell had she not told me she was pregnant? Suddenly, my words to Brock replayed in my mind. The ones Merit had overheard.
Fuck.
“Yes.” Janice moved to her computer, typed in a password, and then started moving her mouse before typing some more. Another click or two and she smiled. “Here it is.”
The sounds of a rapid heartbeat came through the speakers of the computer, and I felt everything pause. My breathing. My heart. My racing thoughts. The only thing I could focus on was that sound. So fast and strong.
Merit’s baby.
My baby.
Our baby.
I smiled. “It’s so fast.”
Janice laughed. “Yes, it is. You’ll be able to hear it live during the next sonogram, which won’t be for a few more months.”
I nodded. “Um, you know, when she told me, I was so stunned, how far along is she?”
Janice glanced at the file again. “She’s now nine weeks.”
“That’s right,” I said, not even able to do the damn math in my own head. “And her next appointment is next week, right?”
Janice glanced back at the computer once more. Clicked the mouse a few times and said, “No, she’s not due to see me for another few weeks. August twenty-fifth.”
“Right. Time is a bit messed up for me right now,” I said with a weak smile, feeling slightly guilty I was lying to Janice.
She gave me that sympathetic look everyone had been giving me since my father died. I was getting fucking sick of it.
“Would you mind if I got a copy of the sonogram photo you gave to Merit? The one that points at the baby?”
A wide grin erupted on her face. “Not at all.”
After a few more minutes, Janice walked around the desk and handed me a printed copy of the same photo she had shown me, along with a small pamphlet titled, Things Daddy Needs to Know About My Growth.
“This will tell you about the baby’s growth. For instance, the size, length, what part of the baby is developing right now. Right now, the baby is nine weeks. She…”
I raised a brow.
“Or he,” Janice said with a wink, “is about the size of a kidney bean. Their fingers and toes are developing, and Merit will really start seeing a change in her body going forward. How is morning sickness? I know she was struggling with it.”
“I’m not sure,” I said honestly.