“I can honestly say I never thought I’d see the day Dirk Littlewood was head over heels in love.”
I looked out at the last bits of light that peeked up over the mountains.
“Merit, you have to know he loves you.”
I chewed on my lip and grinned. “He told me he loves me, numerous times.”
Lincoln nearly choked. “What! He did?”
I nodded. “Yes. That’s where I’m struggling with it all. I do believe that he’s had these feelings for me all this time and was simply afraid to admit them. I’m not the least bit afraid to say I love him, Lincoln. I’ve loved that man for as long as I can remember. He’s the reason I haven’t moved on. Why my last boyfriend told me we were better as friends with benefits, because my heart clearly belonged to another man.”
“Really?” Lincoln asked, taking a sip of wine. “What made him say that?”
With a shrug, I said, “I told him about Dirk. I wanted to be upfront and honest with him. I tried so hard to push Dirk out of my heart. I simply never could. I’m not sure I would ever be able to. It was obvious to Chris things were never going to get serious. We had fun together, he was safe. He wasn’t looking to settle down, but he didn’t want to play the field. When I found out I was moving back to Hamilton, we called it quits. He’s since met someone, and they’re pretty serious. I had a lot of guilt for a while, thinking I was holding him back from finding someone who wanted to give him a hundred percent.”
“It sounds like things worked out exactly how they should.”
I nodded. “They did.”
“It’s okay to be scared about this new path you’re on, Merit. Given Dirk’s past and your past together—and then throw a baby into the mix—your emotions are going to be all over the place. And let’s not forget about pregnancy hormones. I think I can say with certainty, Dirk is not with you because you’re pregnant. If you could see what we all see when he looks at you… It was clear to me on New Year’s Eve that he had feelings for you. The man couldn’t keep his eyes off of you.”
Smiling, I pulled in a slow, deep breath. “I don’t ever want him to look at us and regret any decisions he’s made.”
“Well, from where I’m sitting, the only decision he’s made is to be with you. Taking a break from bull riding was something he decided to do after Brad passed.”
“Ugh. I just don’t want to have these doubts or insecurities or whatever the hell they are. I know he loves me, but I think maybe it’s just a bit of whiplash. It wasn’t that long ago he was doing everything in his power to push me away.”
Lincoln reached over and took my hand in hers. “The only thing I think happened to Dirk is that he’s finally growing up. It took his father dying for him to see that there’s more to life than climbing onto the back of a bull. I think he got tired of fighting off the things he secretly wanted, and truth be told, bull riding has been his safe place. The place he could go and hide. Hide from his feelings for you, hide from his own insecurities. And as much as it seems like it happened overnight, Merit, I think it’s been happening a lot longer than you both realize.”
“Thank you, Lincoln.”
She smiled. “I didn’t do anything.”
“You did more than you know.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
DIRK
I pulled the saddle off my horse and carried it into the tack room. The early-morning ride was exactly what I needed to clear my head. Last night, I’d dropped Merit off at her house after we left Brock and Lincoln’s. We both decided it was probably better if we spent the night alone. Well, it was more Merit who thought it was a good idea. I, on the other hand, hardly slept at all last night.
Things seemed like they were moving at warp speed, and I knew I should be spooked, but I wasn’t. For once in my life, things felt right. Well, they almost felt right. There was still a nagging voice in the back of my head that kept asking me about my future. I knew what I wanted to do, but I also knew that if I did it, Merit would most likely think it was a rash decision caused by the baby.
“Dirk?”
I turned at the sound of my mother’s voice.
“Morning, Mama. Everything okay?” I asked as I walked over and gave her a kiss.
She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. No smile had since my father passed away. “Dirk, I’ve been thinking about your decision to not go back out onto the circuit.”