An unexpected sucker punch wouldn’t have sent his good morning reeling any faster. Of course, Donny was the buzzkill of the day. The sudden spark of intense guilt had his brows pulling together. His smile melted into a frown. The weight of the world rested like a boulder on his shoulders.
At the time, taking this substitute position had been the right decision to make. Hell, it was still the right decision. He needed cash. He’d been covering his and Ducky expenses for too long now, but Donny hadn’t been wrong about the headcase he’d become, or about the distance he’d placed between taking care of his responsibility and figuring out all this obsession he had for Greer.
Dallas had acted like he didn’t have a care in the world. And ultimately, exploring the forbidden side of his sexuality was always going to cause a divide in his life. Greer could never be an established, accepted part of his world like Cari or Skye or any female for that matter. When Dallas left to spend time with Greer, his responsibilities would always be left suffering and undone.
His heart sank back into the familiar hollowness he’d experience pre-Greer. A place it seemed destined to reside. He tossed the phone on the desk and scrubbed a hand down his face, trying hard to erase the haunting pain of his thoughts. He’d been truly content and happy this weekend. Maybe the happiest he’d ever been before.
Dallas reached for his lunch sack. In his haste to get out of the house, he’d managed to grab a protein bar and a coconut water before he left. He lived off those two things. Yet today, both were unappetizing and ultimately left untouched. He dropped his head in his hands and let his eyelids close. What did he hope to accomplish by continuing to see Greer? They could never be out or long term. The bold Greer wasn’t the kind of guy to stay hidden or wait in the wings for anything. Dallas was so naïve. The culmination of him and Greer came to a spectacular thirty-six hours, nothing more.
That realization caused a sharp slice of pain to lay his heart open. Hell, his back hit the seat cushion. He couldn’t catch his breath under such anguish.
Why had he ever gone with Greer in the first place? In Greer’s house, the moment he’d turned the corner from the hall to the living room to see Greer standing there asking him if he was gay, when honesty of his secrets had dropped from his mouth, that was when he should have started for the front door and never looked back.
What did he expect? For Greer to fall as hard and fast for him as he’d fallen for Greer?
Oh fuck, he was going to cry. He had let himself believe in fairy tales. A gorgeous prince charming come to swoop him from the drudgery of his life.
One hundred percent, Greer would tire of Dallas.
“Reigns, you need anything from the lounge?”
Panic had his gaze colliding with Mrs. Tobler, another teacher. Her smiling face leaned around the door to his classroom. He’d known her for years. All the chaos must not have been reflected on his face, because she didn’t look freaked out or concerned. Dallas scrubbed his hands over his face, rubbing at his tired eyes, hiding to steel his spine.
“Nah, I’m good. It was a long weekend,” he said, dropping his hands and pushing to his feet.
She laughed a throaty, commiserating chuckle. “I think it’s going to be a much longer week for you. I watched the big competition. That was something else. Very motivating.”
A jaw-cracking yawn he hadn’t known was there ripped free, making them both laugh. “I’ll go with you. I could probably use some coffee.”
“The coffee isn’t great.” She stepped away from the doorway as he walked through. “But they have energy drinks.”
“You’re on.” The blessed numbness of his life, the one he’d spent much of his teenage years cultivating, settled over him like a cold, unfeeling blanket. He prayed it stayed in place. It was the only way to get through the loss of someone like Greer Lockhart.
=?=
The timed-out darkened screen of Greer’s open laptop sat untouched in front of a barstool on his kitchen island. The device should be holding every bit of Greer’s focus. To say he was behind in his work was a substantial understatement. Greer’s constant internal self-discipline lecture had him committing to following the same work schedule and load as Dallas. No more days spent wasted, daydreaming over his exquisite trainer.
Greer’s inner being mocked his new plan. His obsessive side knew Dallas’s place in both his head and his heart took center stage of his life, hopefully for the rest of his life, but he had to try and salvage his sanity. Surely, with enough mental effort and time under their belts, Greer could find a reasonable work balance. Maybe.