“Have you played around with clamps before?” Hutch asked, his whole focus on her.
No one in the world could ever make her feel like she was the center of the universe the way this man could. When he focused on her, she knew she was all he was thinking about.
Had he truly been thinking about her today? Had his only thought been to protect her?
“No. I’ve only ever played with a vibrator, and then only with myself.”
He slid the clamp over her nipple and gently tightened the small screw. “Then it’s good I picked a beginner clamp. I would love to see you in clamps with weights, ones that bite into your nipples and turn them a ruby red. But these will do for now.”
The clamp bit gently into her and made her deeply aware of her breasts. She took a deep breath as he worked on the other breast. A silky heat flashed over her skin, making the world seem softer than it had been moments before.
She could survive this. She could make it through the night without breaking down. If she didn’t break, then she might wake up harder and stronger than she’d been before.
She might be strong enough to walk away from him.
Because you were stupid, and you don’t deserve him. Because you’ll drag him down the way you do everything. You can only keep it up for so long.
She gasped as she felt tears pulse. Was she punishing herself? She hadn’t had thoughts like that since after the accident. Or maybe it had been before. She’d always wondered if she was the reason her parents hadn’t worked. It was a child’s question, and she knew the answer, but that insecurity had found another place to go.
“Give in, Noelle.” Hutch’s voice had gone soft again. “Give in and let me hold you.”
She couldn’t do that. He’d lied to her.
Had he? He’d told her he needed to be in that building, needed to get on the computers and see if he could find out what was happening.
He’d left her alone.
He’d saved her research because if he’d been taken into custody, they could have lost it.
She was the reason she couldn’t use it again. She’d done that. Not Hutch. She’d signed that contract when she’d known deep down it could hurt her. She’d signed it because she wanted so badly to start her career, wanted to jump over all those hoops instead of going through them.
“Fuck you, Hutch.”
She couldn’t. She couldn’t do this with him. Except she was asking him to not leave her alone. It wasn’t fair or right or even rational, but she wasn’t ready to give in. This was the only way she could process what had happened today.
Her world had fallen apart and she kept trying to blame someone else, but it was her fucking fault.
If Hutch hadn’t been there, things would have still gone down the way they had. She’d put herself on this path.
How did she tell everyone how far she’d fallen?
“Stop it.” Hutch barked the words her way and then she was being led to the spanking bench. “Place yourself on that bench because it is obvious to me that nothing else is going to do. Be careful with the clamps. If they fall off, I’ll know to make them tighter next time.”
He held a hand out to help ease her down. Noelle felt the cool leather of the padded bench. It was built to support her chest but let her breasts dangle from either side, and she could feel the clamps dragging on her nipples, gravity playing its part to make the sensation sizzle. The middle bench cradled the length of her torso, ending at her pelvis and leaving her ass and pussy fully open to Hutch. Leaving her vulnerable.
Her hands found the cushioned arms of the bench, and her knees and legs were comfortable, too. It wasn’t a hard position to be in, and she wondered if they should find something that would hurt more.
Then she wasn’t worried about getting enough pain.
Hutch smacked her ass, and not a warm-up slap. He slapped her cheeks in a way that made her grit her teeth and bite back a moan.
“Is that what you want?” Hutch asked the question in a tortured growl. “Do you need me to punish you physically to go with all those mental gymnastics you’re going through right now?”
How could he see through her? His questions made her feel far more vulnerable than being nearly naked and laid out for him.
She let her hands tighten around the bench she held onto as Hutch smacked her again. Somehow the spanking reminded her that she wasn’t weak. She was strong. Her body would hold.
Was she still punishing herself for that, too? For the accident she’d had no control over?
Her body was strong. Even when it ached and needed support. It was strong enough to do what she needed it to do, and she’d learned that sometimes what she needed wasn’t what others did.