Monsters' Crew (Crude Hill High 1)

“The past few months. I didn’t even think you guys knew I existed.”

“We knew you existed.” He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel.

“I knew you guys did as well. How could I not? You guys were known for keeping order in our school.”

He laughed. “Yeah, we have to keep shit together, otherwise, everything crumbles. It’s the way it goes.” He hummed to himself, a tune I didn’t recognize. “What did your dad do for you to confront him?”

“His smug face. I’ve never let what he does bother me. I get it. He’s a guy and all that, but, I don’t know. Ashley seems nice and the thought that he brought another woman and her daughter close to us… He makes me so angry.”

“Does it make you want to kill?”

I turn to him. “I … that’s an odd question.”

“I’m an odd kind of guy.”

“How many people have you killed?” I asked.

“Do you really want to know the answer to that?”

I paused, contemplating his question, then finally nodded.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Then you’re an idiot.”

“Wow, you really think this is going to get me to warm to you?”

“Emily, I’ve had your pussy in my mouth. I’ve got to be pretty fucking special to get a girl like you. I’m just saying.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Wanting to know about the people you killed doesn’t make me an idiot.”

“I know you think you can take it. How you’re some tough woman, but believe me, you’re not. You’re not even close.” He took a deep breath and I watched him. “My first kill, I cried, okay? It affected me. I thought about the life I’d taken. What I’d done. I wasn’t ready.”

“And now?”

“Now, I kill because I have to. The objective is my main focus.”

“And you think that bothers me?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“River, I … I didn’t cry over that biker guy I killed.” I snorted. “I haven’t even thought about him. This, right here, right now, this is my very first thought.” I shrugged. “What does that make me?”

He glanced at me. “I don’t know.”

“I think about death.” I didn’t know why the hell I was telling him this. It wouldn’t do. Our lives weren’t the same. We were way too different. I was a girl, he was a guy. He stood to inherit an empire built on pain and fear, while I was probably expected to spit out kids like it was a hobby. We weren’t alike at all.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Death. Dead. No longer breathing.”

“You think about killing people?”

“No. I think about … dying.” I looked toward him. “I think about what it would be like to end it all.” I pressed my lips together. I promised myself I’d never tell a single soul about what I thought about. The knife in my drawer wasn’t a prop but an actual chance to take myself out of the game.

“You think about suicide?”

I stayed silent. In my mind, it wasn’t killing myself. “I sometimes just want to be free.” I looked at him. “My dad, he’s the worst kind of person. I don’t want to be under his rule for much longer, and I do think about what it would be like to take that knife and to end his stupid control. I grow tired of the fear. I want an out.”

“You can’t kill yourself.”

“River, don’t try to tell me what to do. It never goes down well.”

“For everyone else, but I’m not like other guys. I’m different.”

I watched him as his gaze stayed on the road. He hadn’t stopped once. We weren’t going as fast as we had been, but there was a speed to us.

“I know you think I’m not right, but I am. I’ve been taken. You heard the rumors, the stories. I was so close to death, hours even if I hadn’t gotten the medical attention when I did. You’ve seen the scars. You know what I don’t hide. I know what it’s like to want to end your own life, but you know what, that was just to numb the pain. To make me feel like I had control.”

He slammed his palm against the steering wheel. “I don’t accept it. I can’t. There’s no way I’m going to lie down with this. Those hours, those few days I spent in my enemy’s company taught me a lot. It taught me how hated I am but it also made me strong. I will never allow anyone to have any kind of control over me.”

“It must be nice to be the one who is in control. You forget, River. I’m just a girl. I don’t get to have a say in what I do. My dad holds the cards. I’ve just got to play his game.”

I didn’t want to talk anymore.

River took my hand and I didn’t look at him even as his lips brushed against my knuckles. “You have so much power, Emily.”