I frowned, extremely uncomfortable to have something so private known by anyone.
Alison leaned into me. “You know my mom remarried last year, right?”
Confused by the random change of subject, I nodded.
“Well, the guy she married has a son. He’s a freshman at college. And I have a whoppingly large and uncomfortable crush on him. Crushing on your stepbrother? Not cool. And never gonna happen. So I get it.” She gave me a commiserating look.
“I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“Me too.” Her arms tightened around my neck. “But that’s why we have each other. To distract us from who we really want and can’t have.”
Sadness overwhelmed me and I buried my head in her neck, holding her closer.
Maybe I should be more excited about college. It would get me the hell away from the torment, and maybe I could finally get over Valentine.
4
Micah
AGE 19
* * *
My palms were sweating.
I clenched them into fists and told myself to toughen up. Ye of so little faith. I wasn’t going into battle. I was finally letting myself lose a battle I should never have been waging.
And I couldn’t believe it was Mom of all people who made me see things clearly.
But last year my mom had worked really hard to stay clean after rehab. Caroline practically forced her to stick with it, and that woman could be the most stubborn person on the planet. Sometimes that was an outstanding quality, say, for helping someone like my mom deal with an addiction. Not so great for supporting (or not in this case) her daughter.
Valentine.
The person I was on my way to see now.
As soon as she hit eighteen, Valentine moved to the city, got three jobs, and started renting an apartment with a friend she’d met at a flea market two summers ago. Star. Star was flaky and smoked a lot of jay. I worried Val couldn’t depend on her. But Valentine was a little defensive about her so I kept my mouth shut. She was getting enough crap from her parents about her life choices on a daily basis. She didn’t need me doing it too.
There was part of me that was a little concerned that Valentine was drifting through life, but I continually reminded myself that she wasn’t me. She didn’t need to know what her future might look like. There was still time for her to find the thing that made her happy. I thought she’d do something with her clothes designing, but so far she was bar tending, working in a chocolate shop, and answering customer service calls for a small internet start-up.
Val seemed content.
Well, mostly. She got a lot of hassle from her parents, which I know wasn’t fun for her. We’d both stayed at the Fairchilds for Christmas and my mom joined us. Mom and I were more than a little uncomfortable when Caroline chose Christmas Eve as the ‘perfect time’ to give Valentine shit about her future. I thought Val’s head was going to explode with rage. Thankfully, Jim stepped in before I did and asked Caroline to promise not to say another word the entire holiday. However, it hung in the air between mother and daughter; the awful tension.
That wasn’t why my palms were sweating as I made my way across town to Valentine’s crappy apartment. The apartment I wanted to get her out of but knew I never could because one of the many reasons I loved her was her a thousand-mile-long independent streak.
Nah, my palms were sweating because Mom had given me a big kick up the ass on Christmas Day.
* * *
Handing Mom the rinsed plate to put in the dishwasher, I tried to think of something to say. We’d offered to do the cleanup since Caroline and Jim had cooked. Valentine looked ready to offer to help us out but her mom had shaken her head at her. It was a not-so-obvious attempt to get me and Mom alone.
It wasn’t like we hadn’t been alone over the last two years. But every time I tried to speak, the well of shit that bubbled up inside of me just kind of choked me.
“Caroline’s too hard on that girl,” Mom whispered.
I gave her a sharp look.
She smirked. “Yeah, I know. Those in glass houses, right? I know I’m not in the position to judge, but…” she glanced over her shoulder to make sure we were still alone. The Fairchilds had retreated to the family den to watch Christmas movies. “I once was Valentine. The kid among the over-achievers who just wanted to experience life first. She’s got more grit than me though. I can see it in her eyes. She’ll be okay. But Caroline needs to ease up or she’ll lose her like my mom lost me.”
Unease niggled at me because I knew Mom wasn’t wrong. “Hopefully it won’t come to that.”