I nod, feeling a sharp pain as I remember. Even now I miss her. I wonder what she would say to me, what she would think of me hooking up with Chase then going to work for Ethan. I sigh, feeling entirely too melancholy now. I set the photo back down.
“Is this the only picture you have?” I ask, looking for other photos.
“It’s my favorite,” Ethan answers honestly. “The only one worth keeping around.”
I peek back up at his face and his eyes are burning into me. I shift, growing uncomfortable under his stare. Afraid that he’s about to say something or do something that will force me to turn him down, I reach my hand out and grab his bottle.
At first Ethan looks surprised then he smiles. Relaxing his grip, he gives up the bottle. He watches me far too closely, too intently as I tip the liquor back and take a deep swallow. It burns all the way down.
“So,” I ask, wiping my mouth off with the back of my hand. “What exactly are my job responsibilities as your administrative assistant? No offense,” I say, my eyes sliding around the room. “But it doesn’t look like you do a lot of work around here.”
Ethan laughs then pulls up the sleeve of his suit to glance at his watch. “You’re right. I don’t do a lot of work around here. Most of my work is done at the gym.”
“So? What do you need me here for?”
“I need you to help me, Avery. Here,” Ethan digs around in his pocket and pulls out a phone. He tosses the phone at me and not expecting it, I almost drop it. “If this phone rings you answer it and take a message.”
I frown down at the phone. “Okay… Anything else?”
Ethan nods. “Yeah, I had you meet me here so you could get a look at the place. We’re here when I’m not training for a fight. Since I’m in training now though, I’ll need you at the gym with me.”
“At the gym? Why?”
Ethan leans over the desk and snatches the bottle from my hand. He grins before drinking deeply from it. “Because you’re still my lucky charm, Avery.”
My face falls and I feel like all the blood just drained out of me. “Ethan,” I say in disbelief. Is he serious?
“Shit,” Ethan says, realizing his mistake. “I’m sorry, I was just trying to tease.”
I lay the new phone down on the desk and cross my arms over my chest. Just remembering that night, remembering Ethan coming at me, screaming You owe me, makes me feel uneasy.
“This was a mistake.”
“No, Avery, it’s not a mistake,” Ethan insists.
I shake my head and glance down at the picture. “You’ve changed. I’ve changed. This isn’t going to work. Why are we even doing this?”
“Avery…” Ethan pleads and I look back up at him. I know he wants me to stop, I know he doesn’t like where this is going but I’ve already started and I mean to see it to the finish.
“Why are you doing this Ethan? What do you want from me?”
“I want to take care of you,” Ethan answers honestly. “As much as you’ll let me.”
“Why?” I ask, searching his eyes. But I already know, the answer is right there. It’s always been there but I’ve been too much of a coward to face it.
Ethan licks his lips nervously, and he almost takes another drink from his bottle but must think better of it. He sets the bottle down on the table and says, “Because you’re my friend.”
“Is that all we are? Just friends?”
I watch something shift in Ethan’s eyes. There’s this heart wrenching moment of vulnerability, where I can see how much he cares for me. And it hurts, it makes me feel like a bitch that I don’t feel the same way. I’ve friendzoned him, perhaps I even taken advantage of him. Allowing this to continue is not only punishing him, it’s punishing me.
I’ve thought about it before, about trying to love Ethan. I’ve thought about it many times. And there’s been times when I felt like there was something wrong with me. Something must be missing inside me because he’s so hot and all the other girls have no problem going gaga for him. And if all the girls love him then I’m the one who must be fucked up.
I’m the one to blame.
Ethan is beautiful, he is, though even now I look at him and he’s just not as beautiful as Chase. But I can appreciate the beauty, I can understand the appeal. I just can’t get my body or my heart to feel the same way. It’s not there, the spark or the pull. Whatever invisible force that overwhelms you and makes you go crazy for a person. When it comes to Ethan it’s just missing, there’s no link between him and me.
“I’m sorry, I can’t do this,” I say.